This constant state of amazement you’re in sounds unnatural… is it possible you have an excess of black bile?
I too hate uninvited dogs at family get togethers. Fuck their dog and let it tear apart their home instead of yours.
That’s terrible advice.
No no no, you’ve got it all wrong - the father wants to have two dogs instead of the OP’s brothers, who he never really cared for anyway. They’re having a strange Christmas party with Asian hookers wearing reindeer sweaters. Sheesh, what would you people do without me?
How does she ask permission to speak? Does she mime it?
No. She asks. But if she didn’t have permission she gets punished for speaking without it. I’m liking this parenting style.
No kidding! 
So Brother SUHA doesn’t want you to make hooker jokes in front of his young daughter. This doesn’t strike me as a particularly unreasonable stance and I don’t get why you’re so upset over it, other than as an excuse to ridicule the way he raises his kid, which is frankly none of your damn business. Give your nephew the rug kit when she’s not around. What’s so hard about that?
As for the dog issue, tell him you can’t accommodate his dogs or your mother’s cat, and your mother can’t accommodate his dogs or your cat. Be firm but polite. Go the extra mile and research some kennels in your area for him so he can have them nearby if he wants to. If he tries to give you a guilt trip, don’t bite.
Jeez. None of this is as complicated as you’re making it out to be. Grow up.