Why don’t you confront her brother?
That’s because, judging by this thread’s info and the other thread’s info, you’re pretty much a moron. C’mon. The girl is living with a drunk–an underage drinking drunk–who beats her and isn’t going to do anything about it. Her mom’s not going to do anything about it. Heck, you’re not going to do anything about it except bitch about it. You got good advice in the other thread. You pissed on it then and there. You’re getting good advice in this thread. And you’re pissing on here and now.
The problem isn’t the brother.
Yep. As I just said, the problem isn’t the brother.
Heh, just picturing the OP’s seething rage growing as his girlfried describes in lurid detail every abuse she suffers and when she gets to talking about how her brother used his crack pipe to burn BITCH onto her arm while the entire family watched and took pictures with their cellphones, the OP will confront the brother, start punching and kicking him…
…and the girlfriend will attack the OP, screaming “DON’T HURT HIM HE’S MY BROTHER!!”
Is this the guy in Germany who uses the girlfriend’s mom to drive him back and forth and lives in the house all weekend?
Or am I thinking of someone else?
This again.
Don’t care. He doesn’t have to. He knows he has to put up with me while both him and my girlfriend live in his house, and hopefully that situation will change within the next year.
That’s far more concrete advice, thank you, but I don’t see it. Granted, the details I’ve offered seem a little nasty, but this is the first such outburst about the family we’ve had in… ever. There was one previously which legitimately involved me being a self-absorbed dick, and since then the brother has never gotten over it, and has been continually badmouthing me. Me cheating on her about a year ago also didn’t leave a positive impression. There has been drama, but that’s not most or even much of what we go through.
Yeah, 24/7 is overstating it a bit.
Man, fuck if I know. She’s so goddamn meek. 
You can fix meek! Just smack her around a little.
Okay, you want “real” info on why this will not work? Consider this:
Brother and sister are related. They will be till they die. They share parents. Every holiday, every family dinner or gathering will be tense and awkward. The relationship might effectually cut her off from her family, or you from each other.
Consider the animosity that grows when she can’t spend time with her family, or she has to leave you at home? How are you going to feel?
And then there is the money. He’ll come begging eventually, if he is as big a loser as you say.
Just find a new girl. They are all over the place. And while your at it, find a rich one. They are just as easy to fall for. 
What is never going away is that your girlfriend grew up in a mentally and physically abusive household. I would guess that the odds are quite high that either her mother or her father were alcoholics or had a drug problem… am I in the ballpark?
What that means is that as good of a person your girlfriend is, her whole concept of intimacy and relationships is going to be off because all this chaos at home tweaked that internal antenna we all have that give us the gut sense of emotional healthy things. To put it simply, she’s used to living in chaos because that’s how she grew up. And if she moves away from her brother, she’s likely to seek out chaos elsewhere because she feels like she needs it… and if you two have shacked up together, you’re going to be target number one.
I would bet you that 90% of guys had some kind of relationship like this, to one degree or another, in their own time. Some of those guys shacked up with such a woman, maybe because their own antenna was bent from a less-than-ideal home experience, that might have taught them to be codependent – which is a very unhealthy state.
But what you need to know now is that you aren’t going to be able to rescue her (which you seem to know), and as good as you say the relationship is, you can’t undermine your own emotional health by getting yourself more involved in this chaos (which you don’t seem to fully understand). To say it another way, simply being compatible with a person doesn’t guarantee a good relationship: each person has to be in the right state of mind to be in a good relationship, too. That is not your girlfriend.
IMHO, I think she needs to get her shit together without a boyfriend in the picture. That means graduating school, getting a job or going to college, and not moving in with an SO. Maybe that will do the trick for her, but I’m not sure about that – seems like she’s been through some heavy duty stuff. She probably needs some kind of counseling to get her head in the place it needs to be, and I strongly think that needs to happen without you in the picture.
Maybe there’s hope in the future for both of you after she begins to get right, but I think we all see that you’re quickly heading for a world of chaos, hurt, mindfucks, and possibly even violence directed at you.
Bingo.
Good deal - it’s been slow for me on the Dope lately. This should do the trick nicely!
And this is why you never ask for relationship advice on the Dope, particularly if Dopers have expressed at any time that they dislike you. You will always be told just to quit whatever it is you’re trying to do, and the latter means they’ll also make fun of you by calling you stupid. In general, few people here have advice for how to deal with life other than run away from it.
If you want advice for stuff like this, go to a board that specializes in this stuff, not a board that specializes in misanthropic people.
And, no, I have no idea how to help you in this. I’ve just seen the pattern too many times to think that this thread is some sort of exception.
She is in a codependent dysfunctional abusive situation. Not only can you not change it, it’s not really your place. She’ll either have enough one day, grow some ovaries and walk away, or she won’t. It’s all on her. You can be supportive of her good choices or disdainful of her bad choices, as much as you care to. But in the end you cannot push a rope. You cannot free someone who doesn’t want to be set free. Freedom is for those willing to reach out and take it. Until she’s ready, your efforts will be not just frustrating but fruitless.
Saving a damsel in distress is a heady and chivalrous quest. Don’t let it cloud you vision of the hard facts, as they stand.
Wishing you nothing but good luck!
Edit: To heck with it. The OP is a moron and isn’t actually looking for any advice.
I saw that and chose not to comment. I thought it would be more helpful to simply answer the question about why everyone sees this as a slow-motion trainwreck.
I edited it out before your post went through. Could you edit yours out also, please?
The irony is that people in good relationships don’t generally post about the mundane problems that any two people have, even with a good, emotionally fulfilling and healthy relationship.
Let’s not minimize the seriousness of the girlfriend’s situation, nor the fact that serious issues of abuse are impossible to contain outside of the relationship (IMHO). I wish the best for all people involved, and I’m not trying to tear anyone down. The main reason I joined the conversation is that the OP clearly has no idea that he’s in over his head, what with this same situation continuing for more than 7 months and him apparently not taking any substantial action about it.
I missed the window by seconds, but Ive asked a mod to remove your quote.
Father was an abusive alcoholic.
…Ouch.
You know what my problem might be? I haven’t had a relationship yet where the other party wasn’t fucked up in some considerable way. There was my first girlfriend who was a bizarre super-horny goth chick living with her fundamentalist christian granny whom she hated (and believe me, she was messed up). There was the 48-year-old (nothing apparently wrong with her, but come on, at that age difference, there’s gotta be something). Then there was the girl who suffers from GID with the republican parents who are about as understanding of that as the EPA is about leaking nuclear waste into the local water supply.
And now there’s this girl, where I didn’t get the details until I was really far in. It’s like I have a knack for drawing in individuals even more damaged than I am - this applies to friends too. I think I might be doing something wrong, but I have no fucking clue what or how it keeps happening.
Thanks for your advice, I guess I understand the issue better now. I’m going to keep with her, see how things progress - this relationship has its ups and downs, but overall, I’m happy, and she seems happy as well, so we’ll see how it goes. I guess I don’t really know what I’m doing… Although I do know I can’t ride down on a silver steed and save her. I’m trying my best to support her, and be there for her, because I know that all too often, she’s there for me when I need it. It’s just… Yeah. I dunno.
I didn’t come in here looking for advice. I’m assuming the point of this thread was pretty clear from the last two sentences:
“*So fuck you, you abusive, stupid, xenophobic, morbidly obese, high-school-dropout-and-jobless shithead. You apparently have nothing positive to offer your family other than 800€-lawsuits about illegally downloaded software, and I hope you finally do do something stupid enough to get your ass kicked out of the house - just like we all wish you had remained last Christmas, you disgusting cunt. *”
…Apparently I give some people on this forum waaaaay too much credit.
It’ll be dealt with. I dealt with the punks beating her up, I’ll find some way to handle this, even if all it is is just more emotional support.
Hmm, I wonder how you got that idea. Maybe the OP that was solely dedicated to explaining just how much of a fucking prick this brother is? Maybe the fact that before people started telling me to leave this girl I’ve had relatively few troubles with, the only advice I was actually looking for was “is there any action I can take against the brother that might help the situation, is there any solution to this I’m missing?” Lemme just run the last two sentences of the OP by you again:
“*So fuck you, you abusive, stupid, xenophobic, morbidly obese, high-school-dropout-and-jobless shithead. You apparently have nothing positive to offer your family other than 800€-lawsuits about illegally downloaded software, and I hope you finally do do something stupid enough to get your ass kicked out of the house - just like we all wish you had remained last Christmas, you disgusting cunt. *”
That’s the point of the thread. That was the entire point. “This guy is hurting the people I love and is an abusive douchebag, fuck this guy.” Yeah, I’ll take actual good advice on my relationships when offered and explained; “get out of there before she drags you down into the swamp of infinite sadness” is not good advice when literally all you know about her is this one thing. Kindly fuck off and take your shit with you.
P.S. 19 is legal drinking age in Germany.
You dated a 48 year old woman? As a teen? How old of a teen were you? That’s messed up.