So yesterday my girlfriend, straight out of the blue, tells me she has to break up with me. This coming as a bit of a shock (it’s not like I’m a completely oblivious boyfriend, either), and over facebook (which she has made clear she wouldn’t do), I ask why. The answer? She can’t take how her brother constantly gives her shit about me. We talked it through, and though she’s not breaking up with me, the story she painted is really, really bothering me.
Basically according to her, he repeatedly gives her shit about staying with me, and shouts her down about how terrible of a person I am. He won’t stop berating her until she’s in tears, at which point she runs and locks herself in her room. She’s stated quite clearly that she doesn’t say anything because she’s afraid that if she does, he will quite literally beat her up - last time it happened, she was drooling unconscious on the floor for several minutes after he knocked her on the head. Again - this is exactly what she told me.
Look, I know I don’t have a great track record with self-awareness, but this is not my girlfriend trying to get rid of me. This is a serious issue that she isn’t willing to deal with. Wouldn’t be the first time - she wouldn’t deal with bullies beating her up on a regular basis until I saw the scars on her stomach, stepped in, and told her mother. And in this case, it’s worse - the abuse is coming not from some outside source, but from her own family. I feel like I can’t do anything, because I really can’t do anything. If she’s not going to tell her mother, there’s nothing I can say or do.
So fuck you, you abusive, stupid, xenophobic, morbidly obese, high-school-dropout-and-jobless shithead. You apparently have nothing positive to offer your family other than 800€-lawsuits about illegally downloaded software, and I hope you finally do do something stupid enough to get your ass kicked out of the house - just like we all wish you had remained last Christmas, you disgusting cunt.
19 and 17. I’m on my first year of college, she’s on her last year of high school. Her brother is 19. He would have graduated last year if he hadn’t flunked twice.
I don’t see why this would be necessary, or reasonable for that matter. We love each other, when we’re together it’s wonderful, and everything would be going smoothly if it wasn’t for this stupid cunt.
Either she or her parents need to call the police - get his loser ass locked up. This isn’t typical sibling fighting. He could put her in the hospital or much worse.
She says the last time he did it was half a year ago, but she’s still scared. And this is another one of those tell-tale signs that there’s an abusive relationship dynamic going on here - he’s consistently so cruel and verbally abusive that she ends up crying in her room, but she excuses it because “he’s always really apologetic afterwards”. And her biggest issue with it isn’t the abuse, but rather, and I quote, “Why? Why doesn’t he care about me?” I have no clue what to do. When I tell her it sounds like an abusive relationship, her response is halfway between “no it isn’t” and “but he’s my brother, I can’t do anything!”
If you really love her find a way to get her to some sort of abuse counseling, she needs to know that this is NOT ok, even if he is her brother. Especially because he’s her brother. Maybe her school has something? Not sure where you are, but she may be still considered a minor which adds weight to it all.
It might also make your relationship w/ her a bit dicey, but her welfare is the most important thing.
I don’t get why everyone says to run. If this douchebag tries to fuck with me, I’ll call the cops, and that will be that. Beyond that, me and my girlfriend are doing great. There’s even talk of her moving in with me when she graduates. It’s a problem, but it’s one we’ll work through. Or do you guys have any actual insight into the issue to share beyond “She’s bad news”? :mad:
I speak from precious experience when I tell you the above is exactly what you should do if you value your sanity. But I would not have listened to such advice when I was 19 either.
Everyone is saying to run because we know damn well this situation is not going to be fixed. This is an “for the rest of your life” problem, the only solution is to cut your losses and run.
And this won’t change even if the OP bails him out of jail at some point in the future, as a favour to the OP’s now-girlfriend, future-wife, who I expect the OP will optimistically hope he can “rescue” until he finally realizes he can’t.
As a more serious attempt to advise the OP, unless the girlfriend initiates concrete steps to seperate herself from her family, you will never be the priority in her life and will only destroy your own in the process.
Marrying someone, or whatever equivalent step, with the idea that that will “fix them” or the situation is probably the cause of 75% of breakups and divorces. The crack, the problem, the insoluble issue was right there at the beginning… and believing it will go away is the highest folly.
Cut yer losses, kid. It’s not the older brother that’s the problem here.
