Well, I don’t buy flowers every week 'cause the cat will eat 'em. But, I do the dishes, grocery shopping, laundry, cook, vacuum, dust, yard work, wash the cars, work on them, you name it.
Sorry. 
But, if it’ll make you feel better I’d probably fuck your wife for you.
I hate it when janitors don’t fill the toilet paper rolls correctly in restrooms. You know what I mean? When you try to get some TP and the roll doesn’t move freely, so then you end up getting two sections and the damn thing rips. Then you spend the next 26 minutes just trying to get enough paper to wipe your ass. Then, if you get impatient and try wiping without enough, that industrial brand of paper is usally so thin that you end up poking through and shoving your finger in your ass. So then you end up trying to be patient and gently unroll some more but that’s damn near impossible because you’ve just accidentally shoved your finger in your ass. And now, 45 minutes later you finally emerge from the stall, insufficiently wiped, and with a bad case of stink finger. All because some dumbfuck couldn’t properly load a toilet paper roll.
I’ll bite…what’s a band card?
Welcome to the board, BTW.
I’ve always thought everyone should get a rocket launcher or two mounted on their car when they get their license. 
I don’t know about in your country, but this is the proper way to do it. If you don’t slow down, you may fly right into some dumbass who thought he could run the light, or a pedestrian who didn’t see you and starts crossing. Lots of very good reasons to slow down at a green light.
Mine:
People who use their baby’s stroller as a ramming tool. If you’ve ever been to Walt Disney World, you know what I mean. Those bitches (it’s usually the moms who do this) can be downright vicious, running over you, shoving you out of the way, in their quest to get in line in front of you. And they do it all with their baby in the stroller.
People with no awareness of their surroundings. I hate it when someone is so completely oblivious that they don’t know you’re walking behind them. They stop dead in the middle of the path and don’t seem to notice that you almost plowed into them, or they walk through a door and let it go so it shuts right in your face. Or the ones who cut directly across your path as if you don’t exist.
Businesses that charge insane amounts for basic food products and then use their influence to keep decently priced places far away. $3.50 for an ice cream bar?! $20 for a bad-tasting, cheap pizza? It’s worth a 15-mile round trip drive to find a Wal-Mart Supercenter that carries food at reasonable prices. And don’t be shocked when I use the hotel ice machine to keep my cooler filled, either.
(Can anyone tell I just got back from Disney World?)
monoglots,
telemarketers,
monglot telemarketers
People who stop and talk in starewells, blocking them for other people. Fuck you, you slit slurping chunderheads, gruesome pick-axe death is too good for you.
Ahhh, that was therapeutic. Cheers Keithy
I am chiled out really! 
It isn’t just slow drivers. It is slow anything. I notice it a lot when driving, sure, but I notice it in malls to the point of wanting to gun everyone down.
I do things for a reason. I drive to get from point A to point B. This is not for the sake of driving, this is for the sake of being at point B. Thus, I want to minimize my drive time by…actually… moving. Christ. At the mall: I’m there to shop. Usually for something quite specific, though not always. The time I spend in the common area linking the stores is not for the sheer (and I mean, it is almost an Xtreme Sport, I know) thrill of walking in the common area. I want to get to a store. MOVE.
I do love babies and children, but the “fascinating” remark was so spot-on I laughed hard.
Tir Tinuviel, people stopping in airports fascinates me to. I wish they had “stand still and stare vacantly at nothing in particular” zones so the rest of us can keep fucking moving. GAH.
Finally: people who push carry-on luggage to the max, and thus impede me getting off the fucking stuffy, cramped plane while they rummage around trying to un-stick their bag from the overhead compartment. Everyone is in such a hurry they slow everything down. Damn it, I hate that. In my world there is ONE carry-on item, and that INCLUDES purses. One. And it must fit under your seat.
Oh! I forgot one.
People who keep forwarding emails instead of being kind, and copying, then pasting to a brand new email.
I just love opening 50 emails just to open a joke. ((sarcasim))
Thanks for the welcome. I’ve been lurking for awhile, but I couldn’t miss an opportunity to rant.
Band cards…basically most Native Canadians (like First Peoples I mean, not just people who were born here) qualify, but not everyone…which is another reason they annoy me. Women qualify in situations men wouldn’t, and my sister knows a guy whose great grandmother was Native, so he doesn’t have to pay PST. Pisses me off to no end.
And DeadlyAccurate, I don’t mean people who just slow down to check traffic, I mean these old buggerswho practically come to a fucking stop before carrying on. Caution is good, having my truck rammed up the duffer’s ass is bad.
I see. Thank you!
Canadian Talk, lemme translate…
A “Band” in Canadian Talk is an Indian Tribe.
An “Indian Tribe” in Canadain Talk is “First Nation.”
A Band Card holder can do stuff like cross the US/Canadian frontier without formallities. I think they get other prviliages too.
I’ve been a fan of the Backstreet Boys (and other various boybands) since I was 14, so tell me, when should I start being mortified?
People telling me I’ve got shitty taste in music because I happen to enjoy boy bands and the like. FYI, I also happen to like your so called ‘good’ bands as well. Backstreet Boys and Dave Matthews Band/Jeff Buckley/Nirvana/insertcommonlyworshippedbandhere are not exclusive of one another. It’s possible to like them all and think they all make good music. What is so hard to understand about that concept?
Don’t mind me. I’m just an embittered ‘teeny-bopper’ who’s heard the boy band jokes a few too many times.
The rest of your list was pretty much spot on though.
News stories about celebrities. Most news programs give entertainment news 5 or 10 minutes. Fit your MJ story in that time; nothing MJ does belongs before the first commercial break.
CNN and other networks beating a story to death. “This just in - nothing has happened in the sniper case in the past five minutes. We’ll be back in five minutes with another update.” It’s a big world, I’m sure there is something else to report.
Staying on theme, news reports written by Stephen King wannabes. I guess ratings are in scaring people. And the news teasers; “You could be dead already, details at 10.”