Fuck you, old man. Leave my friends and myself the hell alone.

Tonight I was out with two friends: “J” and “D.” We drove back home from the city and stopped in a restaurant where another friend, “L,” works. It was just before 9:30, so we ordered some drinks to kill time until “L” got off of work (approximately a half-hour, depending on when the last table left).

After our drinks came, we decided that we should make a couple of quick phone calls, but my phone didn’t have service inside of the building. We told the waitress we were going outside to make a quick call and left our keys on the table as a sort of collateral against the check, and she agreed to watch the drinks for us.

The three of us came back to our table less than ten minutes later and sat down to wait. There was a table of 7-8 middle aged men in the same section of the restaurant, who, for some reason, told us that “L” had poured something in our drinks. “J,” “D,” and I knew this was ridiculous (“L” has been a close friends for six year) so we just laughed, assuming that the men were a tad inebriated and thought of themselves as witty.

About five minutes later a man from the other table walked up to us, pulled a chair from another table and sat down with us. We didn’t really know what was going on, but just assumed that he was trying to be friendly. By now we realized that he was more than just a tad inebriated as he brought the beer bottle with him to our table. (I should mention here that we ranged in age from 14-17. A drunken older man SHOULD NOT be coming over to us unsolicited.)
The conversation went something like this:

Man: “So, what are you kids’ plans for tonight?”

“D”(slightly suspiciously): “Just being adolescent and talking.”

Man: “No, really, what are your plans for tonight?”

Me: “Who are you?”

Man: “I’m just a drunk old fucker.”
<we blink>
Me: “Why should we be telling you our plans for tonight?”

Man(looking over at me): “I have a younger brother who has alot of your physical attributes and attitude, but he’s much smarter than you.”

Here I’m stunned at such rudeness and unfounded assumptions from a stranger. I make the mistake of arguing with him, and am by now getting very much annoyed. “D” gets up from the table and tells the man’s friends to get him away from us, and “J” stands up to talk to “L,” leaving me effectively on my own.

Our waitress comes over to the table to make sure there isn’t a problem, while I’m still talking to the man. “L” is looking at us strangely, so I wondered if he knew the man from somewhere. The waitress is standing next to the man now, and “L” is beside her.

Me (looking up at “L”): “Do you know who this guy is?”

“L” shakes his head.

Me: “Then he needs to get the hell away from our goddamn table.”

The man doesn’t move. His friends come over now and tell him to leave, and that he should leave us alone, but the man doesn’t budge. He’s attracting the attention of more of the restaurant staff by now, and the Manager/ex-bouncer walks over beside the table as well and asks if there is a problem. The man seems pretty oblivious, and starts babbling about all of the “options that <I> have in life.” His friends get him to stand up and take away his chair, probably hoping to spur him into leaving, but the man is determined to stay with us, and squats at the end of the table.

Now he finally sees all of the people around him, including the Manager, and allows his friends to lead him out of the restaurant.

To “the man” (a.k.a. Mike): Fuck you, you goddamn motherfucking septic shitstain. In our society you DO NOT harass a group of minors, and you most certainly do not stay when asked to leave. I don’t know what the fuck your problem was or what you wanted. You could very well have been a drunken fundamentalist trying to convert us, and you could just as well have been trying to hook up with my female friends. Hell, you could have been trying to hook up with ME. If you had suggested anything to any of us I swear to God you would NOT be walking on your own or eating solid foods for some months.

I hope that your friends drop you off at home tonight, Mike, and that you slip and fall in the shower and drown in a pool of your own booze-scented vomit.

In short, rot in hell.

Given your description of the guy’s behaviour, I’m sure that’s already happening.

whatta sleazebag.

Eeeewww.

That’s all. Just eeeeeewwwwww.

As a bar-age female, I know EXACTLY what you experienced. The sleazoid has clones…

Eeeewwww.

In California the fella is committing the misdemeanor of annoying a minor. While I think a bemused “hi kids” is fun, this guy was just being a jerk.

That should be Leave my friends and me the hell alone.

Othen than that, egad that was creepy.

I’ll share a story that happened to me a couple of years ago:

I was at a bar with my then GF, having a beer and talking.

I got up to go to the bathroom and when I came back this guy was sitting at my table, talking to my GF. I asked her if she knew him and she said that she didn’t. The guy was obviously very drunk.

I told him in no uncertain terms that he should leave the table. He started muttering something about me being an asshole and my GF being a cocktease. I started to raise my voice. One of the bouncers came around and asked what was wrong. The guy stumbles up and tells the bouncer I’m being an asshole and that I should get kicked out. I forgot to mention: I was a regular (very regular) at that bar. The bouncer in question was a friend of mine. Every so often, when things would get crazy because of a fight or something, I’d give him a hand tossing out the idiots.

The bouncer (Frank) told the guy that he should leave us alone, that he knew me and he was sure I wasn’t the one causing trouble. Normally, you would think the guy would get it. He didn’t. He started trying to pick a fight with Frank. Now, my friend Frank has been a bouncer for many years and know how to do his job. He’s not one of those idiotic goons. He put the guy in a wristlock and the guy pulled out a knife with his other hand. Frank shook him a bit and he dropped the knife. The police was called and the guy arrested.

To the OP: It really sucks when unwanted guests don’t understand that they should leave. I’m happy for you that there were people there to help you deal with the situation. Don’t worry about all of this too much, though: I went to that bar (Foufounes Électriques, the alternative bar in Montréal) 5-7 times a week for about 4-5 Years. In all that time, this kind of situation only happened once. Not that there aren’t idiots and assholes out there, but they’re not as common as we’d think, at least.

As a Not-So-Young[sup]TM[/sup] drunk myself, I see that quite a bit and it really pisses me off. You done good to stand up to the jerk. A lot of young women (not minors) in bars get that crap and often won’t really say anything but will just try to ignore the guy. Of course the drunk jerk is oblivious to this, so the gals just end of leaving.

Thanks asshole, you’ve just succeeded in running the only women out of the place and now I get to enjoy the company of just a bunch of obnoxious drunks. I really wish more women would complain to the bartender or mangement. If they get enough complaints, the guy will be banned from the place eventually.

Hell, all I was trying to do was say hello and see if I could hang with ya!

It is just me, or do some of these assholes have a defective chromosome or something that prevents them from understanding the words ‘fuck’ and ‘off’ when arranged in that order as a short sentence?

I’ve found that the only thing that works is not answering at all. Not a word, nothing. I’ve screamed at guys in clubs; I’ve cursed them out and called them every name in the book, and they just keep standing there, mumbling. They’re not talking to hear what you say, because they don’t hear what you say. They’re just talking to keep your attention. They cannot be reasoned with: if you’re acknowledging them, that’s all they want. Don’t.

Also, if someone starts leaning on you (literally, that is), go limp and bend under their weight, then pull yourself up abruptly. Lacking reflexes, they will be thrown off and hopefully fall.