It’s hard knowing you can be replaced. I’ve known my dad for 19 years then in one short weekend it’s like I’ve never met that prick.
My parents have been divorced for about 11 months now. I’ve talked to my dad once since he’s left. And boy did he leave. My mom worked nights and he worked days. So someone was always home with my little sister (she was 15 at the time). Well he started leaving her at home at night by herself and started going out to bars with “friends”. Kinda funny though my sister said he came home every night smelling like cheap slutty perfume. The next weekend he left. To make matters worse my ex-girlfriend at the time tried to committ suicide and I had to rush her to the hospital. You knew about it dad but you didn’t even bother to call and see if I needed anyone to talk to.
It was October when you left. Thanksgiving came and went and you never even bothered to call to see how any of your children were doing. Next Christmas came and you still didn’t call. Rather you spent it with your new girlfriend and her children. My sisters birthday came and went and you still didn’t call. I never expected you to call but it broke her heart when you wouldn’t even call to wish her a happy birthday you worthless fuck. I gave up on you and kinda knew you’d do this.
For 19 damned years you were a good dad. Not excellent but not bad. You worked hard to provide for us and give us food and shelter. You were good around the house and you did your best to see that we were happy. Then poof out of nowhere you fucking abonded us like we were a bad habit. You didn’t pay child support for the first 5 months and only started paying then because they put you in jail for the weekends. All the meantime you could afford to buy your girlfriend drugs. Kinda funny how she quit her job right after she janked you from a previous relationship. You bought her a car and a nice house.
In a sense it’s like your dead. I don’t know where you live or what you do anymore. I’ve heard you are on all kinds of anti-deppresants and the like. Good maybe you are just now starting to realize all the shit that you’ve done. I’m not mad at you for leaving, I’m mad for the way you left and the way you left things after leaving.
You were ordered by the court to pay one of the mortgages on the house about 6 months ago and you haven’t made a single payment yet. You left mom with all kinds of bills and problems. I guess that sort of thing happens. In this last year alone I’ve given mom over $2500 easy just so she could make her bills and refinance her house. That way she can at least keep the house that she calls home. You say you couldn’t afford child support when you make $17 an hour. Kinda funny how I could pay for college, bills, and other stuff and still find ways to give mom money only making $5.15 an hour.
I heard you got married to this girlfriend of yours recently. Nice of you to invite your children you worthless fuck. I realize you probably didn’t want to invite us simply because you were afraid we’d not come. And you’d be damn sure I wouldn’t go. I realize you’ve got a new life now but you’ve given up your kids and thrown us aside for this grand new life of yours.
Well you know what Fred? Fuck you. I don’t care about you anymore. All you’ve done is made me realize how great mom is and how much of a fucking weasel you are. As I can look back through my childhood you never really did get to involved with any of your kids childhoods. I guess you just wanted to come home and watch TV and not pay attention to us. Fuck you. I will not invite you to my college graduation. I will not want you at my wedding. I hope this bitch screws you over and shows you what it’s like to get fucked by someone. The only problem is you’ll never get it as bad as mom, Tonya, or me got it. So dad fuck you and I’m glad your out of my life.
Man, that stinks. I don’t normally get involved in these threads, but as the Doper population of North America is asleep just now, a quick word from the other side of the world: You’re doing a great job looking after your mother and sister. If your father is a deadbeat, that sure isn’t you guys’ fault. Your father will get fucked over by this new woman -it’s just a matter of time.
As for you, and your mum and sister: you guys rock. Your dad doesn’t deserve you.
That blows! I know that you know what an ass your dad was for doing this but something like that always hurts. If you can, try to get to a therapist or a friend with a good ear and work out some of that anger and hurt. Actually, I guess that is what you are doing here. So, keep doing it. There may be a lot of complex feelings surrounding this that you’ll need to get out.
FTR, I also think that you are an ace for supporting your family financially (and I’m sure emotionally as well) through all of this. Make sure you get some of that support yourself.
I’m pretty good about things now. I’ve talked about it quite a bit with friends and family. Every now and again I just get pretty steamed thinking about the way he’s treated us. It was just bothering me pretty bad tonight because well it sucks being single and lonely. That’s a whole different thread though. I’m feeling better though and I’ll feel much better after class at 10 when I can finally go to sleep.
Reading this brought back some harsh memories for me. I went through the same thing when my parents split up. Not as drastic, but there were certainly arguments over child support, college funds & what have you.
I went through a period of several years where I didn’t speak to my dad. I let it get to me for awhile, thinking that I wasn’t good enough for him or whatever. Finally I realized it was HIM that did the changing. He and his girlfriend (reason the marriage ended) had each other, and apparently didn’t need anyone else. But it took me a long time to figure out that while he might be related to me, that didn’t mean I owed him anything. I didn’t have to like spending time with him. So I got to the point you’re kind of at - where you just decide that he’s not a part of your life anymore. It’s kind of a relief to move on after that.
Well, not to bring everything to a hideously depressing level, I think it’s important for me to note that things have changed. Dad married the girlfriend, but she ended up dying of liver failure about 2-3 years ago. Dad then met wife #3. Wow. Now he’s back to “my old dad”.
Now we talk, spend time with each other, and enjoy each other’s company. Kind of like it was before the divorce. Initially I was a little bitter. Okay fine, NOW you have time for me. Where were you 5 years ago? But eventually I’ve just decided it’s best to leave that in the past and just enjoy the fact that we now get along.
So, Tiki, I feel for you right now, I know what it’s like to feel like you’ve been abandoned or betrayed by someone so close to you. But who knows… maybe someday down the road things will change. Maybe not, but hey, that’s life. Just wanted you to know that sometimes things actually do work out okay. For now, anyway.
I know it won’t help much, but I just wanted you to know I know what you’re going through. My parents have been divorced for years, and my dad is pretty much non-existent. If you need someone to talk to, my contact info is in my profile…
Just went through a similar situation with my dad. He started screwing around on my mom a few years ago (after 34 years of marriage). Screwed with her mind for several years, and made a general mess of all family relations. Mom’s in a similar financial situation, with health problems thrown in to complicate things. Luckily, my brother and I are a little older than you, and in a different situation, financially speaking. Keep up with college… it’s the most important thing you can do for yourself and your family in the long run. You may be tempted to quit school and go after a job that pays a little more… don’t do it.
Also, don’t think that because you’re older, this situation should be easier. That’s bullshit… every adult child of recently divorced parents feels he or she should handle it better than they do… let yourself mourn the loss. It helps in the long run.
The final bit of (unsolicited) advice I’ll offer is that if you have children, remember how you feel right now. Write it down, if needed. Don’t become a “Fred”
Oh, and since this is the Pit (and only my second post on any internet board, ever) I’ll offer a hearty “Fuck You” to Fred and Patrick (my pop).
WHOA!
It’s lessons like this to make me know how blessed I am.
I feel truly lucky to have a “two-natural-parents” family, as did my wife.
I now have an eleven-month old son. GrizzWife and GrizzCub are the absolute darlings of my life. I can’t imagine losing them.
And, for the life of me, I can’t understand spouses having affiars that rip apart a wonderful marriage and family. Okay, maybe it isn’t so wonderful, but it’s something that’s taken YEARS to build. Why risk it?!
Tiki I went throught this experience at 6 years old, I wasn’t able to distinguish my father’s behavior from my own self worth and value. I realize that my father never really was available and that I had been abandoned by him well before he left. I spent many years subconsciously blaming myself for the fact that he left. My interpersonal relationships were a mess because of this. I found myself acting exactly the way that my father had. This year, I finally went into counseling to sort this stuff out. I have been able to separate myself from my father’s behavior and have become free to be my own parent.
The only advice I can offer(unsolicited as it may be) is to work this stuff out now, you seem to be doing so and it is perfectly natural to have and express your feelings of hurt and abandonment. If you allow yourself to grieve this loss now, you will hopefully be free of it. It has been my experience that when we stuff these feelings, we pay a heavy price in our future relationships.
tiki, i am so sorry that your dad has been such an ass.
i feel lucky that i never had to go through something like this. my parents split up when i was three, and i’ve always considered it one of the truly lucky things in my life that i never had to live with that man.
when i was seventeen i learned that my dad had died. he was living in florida on some indian reservation and had “gotten his life together.” apparently that didn’t involve being part of his children’s lives.
i hope that someday your dad regrets his actions and makes good. and i hope that if he does, you feel able to trust him again and can rebuild a relationship. but just in case that doesn’t happen, feel lucky that you found out about him now. you are better off with some people not being in your life.