My father was always good to me when I was growing up. I was daddy’s little princess. He had his problems, like an inability to hold a job down, and later, some serious heavy drinking, but he always took care of me.
A few years ago, he met a woman on the internet and left my mother and our home country to be with her. He hasn’t been in contact with me much since then, mostly when he needs a (non-monetary) favour. We haven’t seen each other since 1999, and the fault for that is on both sides.
Recently he contacted me to say it wasn’t working out with the other woman, and he needed money to go home. Although it hurt that he barely contacted me for a few years, and then hit me up for cash, I shelled out because I couldn’t stand the thought of him stranded in a foreign country.
I heard from him when it was taking a while for a check to reach him; I didn’t hear from him after it cleared, for a couple of weeks. No note of thanks or anything. Then this weekend I got email from him stating that he had his tickets, and he could have flown through the city I’m living in on his way home, indeed the other woman is convinced he’s visiting me, but he’d rather head through another city “for a mixture of business and pleasure.” After I got that email, I got a second one asking for input on something he’s working on, just as if he hadn’t told me he couldn’t be bothered coming to see me.
I am taking the fact that he could see me if he wants, with tickets I essentially paid for, but has chosen not to as a sign that he no longer wants to be in my life.
Meanwhile, my husband is several states away, and will be until after Christmas, because his father has been diagnosed with a bastardly, evil, cruel degenerative disease that is robbing him of his cognitive function, his memory, his life, all too rapidly.
I am here holding down a job and trying to keep it together when all I want is to be with my husband and help him and his mother look after his father.
In some ways, the unfairness of what is happening to my father-in-law made finally letting go of Dad easier. He could still be my father, he’s pretty actively choosing not to be. I know that in light of my father-in-law’s health problems I should suddenly be inspired to fix things with Dad, realizing the shortness and preciousness of life, but he’s squandered that. His email informing me that he could visit but isn’t was so blithe and so unaware of how hurtful it was.
It all just hurts so much, and tonight I’m not doing such a good job of holding it all together.