Last Saturday, in the middle of the night from Friday night, my father suffered a massive brain hemorrhage and was then brain dead. Due to his organ donation wishes, he was kept going till early Sunday morning, when his kidneys and liver were taken to help others live. The family said its goodbyes to him on Saturday afternoon, and left his breathing body in the very caring capable hands of the ICU nurses.
It’s stunning. I know he did not suffer at all, was likely asleep and unaware. ( Facts of how he was found, etc. lead me to this conclusion, not wishful thinking ). I’m angry and pained and hollow. He was 75.
He was, in no particular order, a writer, avid painter, engineer, gardener, wit, musician, public orator, news photographer, US Veteran, father, grandfather and husband. He was a growly bear of a guy with a soft loving inner core. He walked on lava flow fields in Alaska as the moon-walk astronauts trained in the 1960’s. He was on the scene at Three Mile Island within hours of the accident and didn’t come home for 3 weeks. He travelled, witnessed and wrote about sights and lived events that few are in a position to live and see.
He put a camera into my hands when I was 14 and changed my world forever. He was a relentlessly honorable, honest man who had no truck with gossip or b.s.
Not only did I love him deeply, I liked him an awful lot. It is not yet time for me to be the adult, for in my mourning I am feeling sadly child-like in my emotions.
Cartooniverse, I’m so sorry for your loss. Your father was a wonderful man. You’ll miss him for the rest of your life. I miss my dad; he died when I was 25. Take care. I’m offering a prayer for you.
Treasure the good things, forget the not good things. Honor him by being the best you you can be. Memories will keep him alive. He sounds like a wonderful man.
My sincerest condolences. I love AND like my Dad, and I know exactly what you mean when you say that. His health being what it is I’ll likely face this sooner rather than later.
No way I’ll be prepared. How can you be prepared to lose the man who defines what you want to be as a man?
I am so sorry for your loss. He sounds a special person.
I am working thru my own grief re my sister(8/04). All I can tell you is to hold onto the gifts he gave you and visit your memories of him as much as you can handle.
But don’t be afraid to laugh and live, too. He would want you to. At first, it’s so hard to put one foot in front of the other. I kept wanting to call my sister and relate this or that–and it was/is devastating to not be able to. Grief would overcome me in the most awkward of places, but most people are very understanding.
It does become more manageable–and it helps to talk to people who knew him.
Ignore the people who blunder about and say (unintentionally) hurtful things. They will go away soon enough, and you will have those who loved him to turn to.
Also, know that in donating, your father has given a great gift and he will be esteemed for it in every recipient’s family.
I wish you well. Sorry if this seems to be an overthetop post.
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. The loss of a loved one is a deep sadness. My own father passed away almost two years ago, and now, alas, Mother has cancer.
cartooniverse: I’ve been meaning to reply to you since I got your e-mail, only as you know it’s been a bit hectic around here.
I too, offer my condolences. My father was ill for a long time before he died, the result of a car wreck three years prior plus the large amount of medication he was receiving after breaking his leg JetSkiing three months before his death. I don’t know which is worse: Waiting for the inevitable, as in my case; or having it happen suddenly, as in yours. But I do understand your loss. Someone is seeing today with my dad’s corneas. Your father is saving lives. Please take solice in that.
If you need to e-mail, you have my (non-SDMB) address.
Toon I am so sorry for your loss. Your family, you and your father will be in my thoughts and prayers. I know it’s a big shock to lose someone suddenly like that. I went through that with my younger brother. My father had Alzheimer’s, so I could see what was happening there. Still doesn’t make it any easier.
Cry. Feel sad. It’s all good. Of course you have all the memories of your wonderful father but it doesn’t replace the physical presence. Just know that through his donations others have life. He gave the greatest gift of all to you (life) and now others can continue their lives because of him.
Feel free to email me if there’s anything I can do for you, my friend.
Having recently had the same loss, my heart goes out to you. Your father sounds like he was a wonderful man, and you will miss him always. (((hugs))) to you.
Although he’s gone on, I’m sure many people, yourself included, have had their lives enriched by his many talents. That’s a gift from him that will last always.
I’m so very sorry, 'Toons. He sounds like a wonderful man, and he was to the end with his organ donations. I wish peace to you and your family.
Today I remembered that it was 3 years ago tomorrow that my dad died quite suddenly. It’s still not real to me. I know what you mean about not being ready to be the adult…
