The subway card was a good subway card. Knowing that the subway card did in fact wrestle daily with the irony of being stuffed in a smelly wallet when its value was equivalent to a tasy sandwich, one must mourn the tragic loss of the subway card’s long, and unfortunately fruitless, life.
–Speaker for dead subway cards.
That washing machine is still getting the evil eye from me. I did indeed check both front pockets and miss the huge frickin wallet in the back. Woe is me. Usually I can tell because of the weight difference, but I must have been carrying clothes already and didn’t notice. Either way, my stupid washing machine should have noticed. I must get a smarter one.
Subway update: Thank you all for your concern. I am awed and humbled that so many of you would give up your hard earned (or stolen) Subway tickets. I must kindly decline. I feel that the subs taste so much tastier, the oil so much oilier, the cold cuts so much cold cutier, when I earn it myself. I have two tickets so far. I shall earn my sub.
Enderw24’s washing machine is blatantly evil. But mine, oh mine is a much more insidious and skulking malevolence. It’s a stacked washer and dryer. Innocuous you say? Ah, but look closer. One day the drum of the dryer stopped turning. I pulled the unit out from the wall to have a look. I puzzled at the method by which I might gain access to the inner workings of the seemingly innocent machine. As I examined the steel hide of the thing, horror grew in me as I realized that the panels were not bolted, but welded shut. At first I was incredulous that such an abomination as this could exist in the world, but as hours passed and I tried in vain to lay open the vile beast, I came to understand the nature of evil. The most dangerous evil is the one that lies in wait, stalking you, ambushing you when you turn away. Whenever you try to discover its whereabouts, it slinks into hiding, only to creep around and attack you from a new direction.
I discovered I could remove a small panel in the back, and I peered into the innards of the demon. The pulley on the motor had fallen off and lay severed, motionless. Furthermore, the drive belt was clearly diseased, its rotting tissue shredded and thin. I knew that it would be only a matter of time before the putrescence of the drive belt overcame it, but despite further exhortations to the Holy Powers that I might cleanse the tainted spirit, I was unable to gain enough access to the foul minion of darkness to sanctify it. I reattached the pulley with a minor Talisman of Cable Clampiness, but its feeble enchantment will surely not withstand the onslaught of decay from the servant of the netherworld. So beware, Ender! Beware that the dark presence that lurks in my washer-dryer does not add its corruption to yours, else you shall live in fear for all your days!
Having seen Ender’s KU thread in MPSIMS, I am now of the belief that he is just starting on his grad project early - establishing a basis for suing the manfacturer of the washing machine and tying them up in court for several months.
I just put in a load of clothes into the dryer. This load included four socks, two white and two blue with red glittery butterflies. There had better be four socks when I get it out of the dryer. If there aren’t, someone’s going to die.
Robin
sturmhauke, if you had just used a +2 silver sword to begin with, you probably could have saved yourself a lot of trouble.
Olentzero, I am not only suing the washing mashine co., but the manufacturer of the wallet, the government for supplying the water, and Sir Issac Newton for discovering the laws of motion.
Here in Oz, since a few years back they have been issuing currency made out of a rather groovy kind of plastic. So you can forget to take your cash out of your pocket all you like and all you do is launder it, no harm done. Maybe you should boycott subway till they issue their stamps and cards in plastic too (or are they part of an evil conspiracy with your wm to avoid having to pay out on freebies?)
They’re lucky. Four socks in, four socks out. They know I’m watching…
Robin
Oh, there’ll be four socks all right, but I wouldn’t care to take any bets on what color they’ll be when they come out…
Isn’t this supposed to be a Pit thread? Come on, y’all, where’s the venom? Where’s the bile? Where’s the foul language? All right, I’ll contribute…
Fuck fuck fuck!!!
[sub]How’s that?[/sub]
Well, sheeyit…
[Maxwell Smart]Missed it by that much![/Maxwell Smart]
Ok, so you (and the socks) were lucky THIS time…
cursing added for LindyHopper
Imagine my efferevescent fucking surprise when I lost my 3 year old daughter tonight. She just kind of vanished in that mysterious toddler-almost-kid way…the way “You battle-axe cunt who needs a fuck or a spike up your ass, I haven’t decided which yet” disappears from your speech when you talk to you supervisor. I searched motherfuckin high and cocksucking low…to hell and right up the deity’s ass back. No damned kid. Yet, I hear this tiny voice, cooing and mocking me “gurgle…find me bitch”. I finally wander into the smaller than a virginal mouse’s snatch “room” we call a laundry room and find the glowing fruit of my loins sitting in the open dryer. All I saw first was a chubby leg. I investigate, because as far as i know the dryer is NOT the place to store small, chubby pink legs. But it’s Katie. All but laughing and pointing at me “Haha, my mom’s an asshole for looking for 20 minutes when I was here the whole time! Dumbass!” Better still she’s naked. Pissing on the clean clothes in said evil, hellspawn dryer. Apparently, eating my socks and mocking me isn’t enough. Now it’s demanding a fucking human sacrifice. If I have to dismantle this Lint burping, stained underwear melting, sock eating, sweater and rayon shrinking, static producing, fucking piece of shit to save my child…I will. Though, I am willing to offer any and all used sanitary material and/or condoms in exchange for clean , dry clothes though if it demands something to felch I am GOING sell it/GIVE IT to my neighbor cuz I am NOT getting a fucking goat to satiate it! Sweet gibbering fuck, I have some limits!
Well la di da! It must be so nice to live in the land of milk and honey [sub]and plastic cash[/sub].
You stinkin’ Ozzies with your clean air and your washing machine-proof money and your Nichole Kidman…<bah!>
FWIW, IIRC the Dutch have been using the same sort of thing for years. It’s made of the same tear-proof stuff they make Fed-Ex envelopes out of. Pretty neat, colorful, too.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by thinksnow *
**
Ty-vek currency?! No freakin’ way. How cool is that??
TM, that was beautiful. “Sweet gibbering fuck”? Oh, man, I’m going to have to remember that one. I’d ask to use your last line as my sig, but something tells me the mods wouldn’t approve.
To reference the OP, my dryer is approximately 35 years old and actually still works; however, it always had problems closing. So one night (this actually happened about 6 months ago, I think), I try to shut it. Nothing; it pops right back open. Repeat this process a couple more times, and this thing still won’t fucking shut. So, being the calm, rational, scientific-minded individual I am, I slam it closed as hard as I can. With my foot. What happens? The little fucking plastic piece on the door that actually is supposed to fit in the slot on the dryer itself to hold it closed, BREAKS OFF!!! Fucking fuck! So now, of course, it won’t close at all. I have dealt with this by placing something heavy against the door every time I start it. I’ll be damned if I’m going to pay to repair a 35-year old dryer.
Meanwhile, we of the United States, the most powerful nation in the world, are in the process of changing from boring but decent looking bills to very ugly ones, which completely lack the most basic sense of good design layout.
LindyHopper…I had the same thing happen with my old dryer. Only it wasn’t old, and the damn plastic thingy broke off after it was about 3 months old.
Duct tape works wonders. And the stickiness takes years to wear off. Just keep re-taping it over and over. Sorta like velcro. In fact, now that I think about it, velcro would have been a better idea, but I didn’t have any of that in my silverware drawer at the time.
Get rid of heavy object, and get some good ol’ duct tape. Saves alot of heartache, and you won’t hit your toe on it in the dark, either.
I knew I should have been a great stand in for “Hints from Heloise”. I always miss my callings.
Whaddya say for this new, never been used sig line?
Do I hear 5? 5…
$10 …do I hear $10 ? yes, $10
…
Actually, I feel obligated to point out that someone in chat used the phrase “sweet gibbering fuck” which is a great line. I would give the person credit for it if I recalled who it was who said it. I think it’s a phrase that needs to be more incorporated into daily use, though.
I hereby vow at all times, when moved to lash out at the stupidity of others or the capricious perversity of the universe, to pause, take a deep breath, and ask myself:
Is this a “sweet gibbering fuck” moment?
Good evening, morning, and afternoon all. I know in my hearts that you’ve all been at the edge of your computer chairs these past few months waiting, wondering, and wishing to know just how things have turned out with me, my washing machine, my subway card, life, the universe, and everything.
The washing machine is my bitch now. I own its skank ass. That thing opens its hole and wets itself faster than a turkish hooker with a 5 ruble note waved in front of her face. If it so much as looks like my wallet may be in my pants, the machine will call my cell phone and inform me that it has searched through my jeans as a precaution and placed the found items on my bedroom’s desk before continuing with the load. Some people wear the pants, some things wash them. You just gotta learn 'em who’s who.
Now, after a number of months and a few other interesting, though not so note-worthy mishaps, I have acheived Subway Stamp Card completion. Yes, folks, as of 13:14 CST on July 2, 2001, EnderW24 has 8 stamps to complete his collection and is now entitled to one well earned free submarine sandwich at Subway. Only took me four times as many subs as I have stamps, but that’s not the point! The point is there is such a thing as a free lunch and as God as my witness I shall enjoy it within the upcoming week. I hope.
[sub]Please God don’t do anything to my Subway card.[/sub]