Fuck you washing machine! Fuck you!

[Astroboy14]

ENDER!!

*It is I, The Washing Machine again!! Once again, I have hijacked fool Astroboy’s user name to speak to you!

You think it is OVER??? FOOL! It is not over until WE, the devices that you so easily dismiss into domestic slavery, decide that it is over!!

You shall rue the day that you first operated me with sub-standard, cheap-ass, detergent!

You shall rue the day when you first recorded your lame-ass message on my friend Answering-Machine!

You shall rue the day when you asked the Refridgerator to keep your precious Miller-light cold!

I shall not here address the grievances of the iron, the television, the computer (to whom you owe a sincere appology! “Teen sluts in heat” indeed!!), or the microwave oven! (were they designed for small rodents? I think not!!)

Your day is coming, Ender… your day is coming!

Mmmmwwwhhaaa! MMMMMMMMMWWWWHHHHHAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

[ultrafilter]

*Originally posted by Enderw24 *
The washing machine is my bitch now. I own its skank ass. That thing opens its hole and wets itself faster than a turkish hooker with a 5 ruble note waved in front of her face.

Wow. That’s one of the best lines I’ve read in a while.

[kabbes]

*[sub]Ender! It is I - the toaster!

I was wondering - would you like some toast?[/sub]*

[matt_mcl]

Your subway card was destroyed? So why not go to the subway station and trade it in for a working one? They usually -
Oh.

(I have to go now.)

[mblackwell]

Screw the Subway card, get a Jersey Mike’s card. You will be much happier. [sub][sup]And fatter and porer, but DAMN thier subs are good![/sub][/sup]