Fuck You, you fucktard taxi driver, or Pitting Myself (long)

The BBQ Pit
1

I apologise if this post is particularly vehement, but this is the first time I have been online in over a week, and without daily livejournal access to vent my spleen I’ve been keeping it all bottled up. Now, Livejournal is down so I don’t even have that.

Anyways.

I left my place of former residence last monday, to move across the country. Me in my car, loaded up with clothes, books, valuables and fragile stuff I didn’t trust the removalists with, not to mention things I forgot to give them. I journeyed south. It was supposed to take two days, I was supposed to drive the inland route which has the best roads, and I was supposed to get there with no problems.

My ex rang me and said “I want you to come the coastal route, so you can visit me along the way”. I said “No, I can’t do that. I’m still in love with you, you don’t want that, I would be hurting myself emotionally if I visited you. I miss you that much, but I just can’t do it”. He said “I’m sorry you feel that way, I think I still love you a bit too, and I really want to see you, but I understand. Whatever you think is best”. My nerves of steel rapidly weakening, I said “I want to come, I just don’t think it would be a good idea. I want you to be happy. If you want me to come, I will.” He said “But I already said I want you to come!”.

So, I drove 300km back along the highway, zig-zagged my way across country, and spent two days emotionally torturing myself with my ex.
Pit point number one: I pit myself for giving in. I knew it would hurt. Sure, we had fun together. Sure, he reckons that he’s still in love with me a bit too. But this is the guy who dumped me for a girl. I should not say “how high?” every time he says “Jump!”. I am not going to get him to take me back just by running to his side every time he says “I need you”.

I’m really really dumb for doing that.

So, after I left my ex’s place, running three days behind schedule, I continued south, via the nation’s capital, home of many porn shops.
Pit point number two. I knew that if I went there, I’d want to buy porn. I knew that porn would be expensive. Hell, I don’t even have a VCR to watch it on. Yet I still spent money on porn. I suck.
At least I got to meet a friend I hadn’t ever met in person before. However, now she’s chasing me to sleep with her. :smack: Seeing as I am obviously not as over my ex as I thought I was, this would be a bad, bad idea. But how do I get rid of her without hurting her feelings? She seems very sensitive :confused:

Anyways, another day of driving. It’s Friday night, I left my old home on Monday, I was supposed to be in my new town on Wednesday morning. I’m in Melbourne.
I figure that there’s no way I can get to my new little home town tonight, and even if I got there, nothing would be open and I’d have no place to stay (my friends refer to this town as the “Armpit of Victoria”, for reasons which have become apparent to me.

So, being Friday night, I rang Melbourne friends who said “Let’s go out! We can go to all your old hangouts!” I stupidly said “Sure! Great idea.” I was tired, because I’d been driving for 11 hours, but why should that matter? I dumped my stuff at a youth hostel, and left my car there because parking tends to be difficult where we were going. The whole thing turned out to be a really, really dumb idea.

Going out when you are tired tends not to be fun. Going out to old hang-outs can be fraught with danger, especially when they’re bars where the clientele is predominantly lesbians and you’re now a man. Especially if you run into an ex and her new partner that you haven’t seen in a long time, who didn’t know you were transitioning, who then proceeds to freak out and accuse you of making her straight by stealth, causing you to flee the bar as fast as dignity will allow, while her friends start gathering menacingly nearby.

When you decide to flee in a hurry, you realise that it might have been worth the inconvenience of trying to park your car, because that way you’d be able to leave quickly and safely under your own steam.

Never mind, that’s what cabs are for, right?
Wrong.

Now, I wasn’t in a great state mentally, due to being overtired, freaked out over my ex I’d visited, freaked out over the ex I’d just run into in the pub, and freaked out over fear for my personal safety. But externally I think I looked pretty calm.
I hailed a cab. And fuck me, the fucktard taxi driver decided that I looked like the perfect person to sexually assault.

There aren’t many things worse than being in a taxi that’s speeding through the back streets of an industrial suburb, with a taxi driver who isn’t really looking where he’s going and is intent on sticking his hands in places they shouldn’t be, while sticking your hands in places you dont’ want to put them, and making lewd and scary comments. Especially when you’ve already told the taxi driver where you’re staying, so you know he knows where to find you.

Leaping from a speeding cab wasn’t a feasible option - certain injury awaited, not to mention I had no idea where I was, and the idea of wandering deserted streets in an industrial complex was almost as bad as staying in the cab.
I wanted to punch him in the face, but had I done that he would have lost control of the cab and we’d almost certainly have been in an accident. Once again, certain injury.

It got worse when he twigged that I wasn’t the teenage boy he’d thought me to be. He got angry and more aggressive in his attempts. I eventually escaped when he had to stop at a red light. I chucked a twenty at him and ran.

Fuck you, you fucktard taxi driver. How dare you do that to me. Who the hell do you think you are, anyway. Thank you so much for making me too scared to go back to the accomodation I was supposed to be staying in, because you yelled as I left the cab “Maybe I can come visit you in your room later!”. Thank you for bringing up all the issues I ever had from previous attacks when I’m a long way from home and don’t have any support people around me. Thank you for making me revile myself in ways I’d forgotten it was possible. Thank you for bringing up every issue I ever had about my trans body and everything it is and isn’t.

On the other hand, how dumb am I for not even getting your name and number off your badge. Hell, even knowing which cab company would be a start. I don’t know. I don’t remember any of that stuff. And apart from knowing he had black hair and a moustache, I don’t even remember what the bastard looks like. So I can’t even do anything to make sure that this never happens to anyone else.

Grr. I hate myself.

Anyways, I fled Melbourne the next morning and I am now in my small country town in the Armpit of Victoria, where I am dealing with unhelpful real estate agents, camping in the caravan park, and have to drive 50km each way if I want to get online, because there is no public internet access closer than that.

I have no friends, no family, no safe lockable accmodation to hide in, no sexual assault counselling services that are prepared to help trans guys, and no signs that anything is going to improve any time soon. The worst part is that so much of this happened because of my own stupidity.

So much for making a new start :smack:

2

Oh my gosh, phraser, I’m so sorry!

After reading that, I am stunned… I can’t even think of words that might be adequate…

3

To tell the truth, liirogue, I feel a little better now that I have vented that.

Everyone has bad days. I’ve just been unfortunate enough to have a run of several of them. Bad months come along from time to time.

Still, I don’t think I’ll really feel better until I have permenant accomodation with a door that locks…

4

I am so sorry you have been so emotionally battered and left feeling vulnerable Phraser. Next time you come to Melbourne would you allow this old dyke to buy you a drink and trade war stories? I’d really like to meet you.

5

I hope that the word twenty is some kind of Austrailian slang for a big heavy rock!

6

Thylacine, that would be great. I’m not sure when I’ll next be in Melbourne, possibly sometime over the next week because I have to fly to Canberra for work, but I think I have email enabled in my profile… I will see if you do and if you do I’ll drop you a line, if not you can drop me a line.

Beer Dog, a twenty is twenty dollars, the smallest note I had on me. Last thing I wanted was that guy and cops chasing me cos I didn’t pay my fare :eek: Like I said… I would dearly have loved to give him my five knuckles across his cheek, but unfortunately sense prevailed.

7

:mad: :mad: :mad:

That’s HORRIBLE! While I don’t expect cab drivers to be models of decorum, I do expect them to have enough sense to keep their hands to themselves! Taxis are supposed to be safe refuges! This was absolutely inexcusable. In the US, the fares always ride in the back seats of taxis, never in the front seat, unless we’re in a group of people. I really wish you’d been able to remember to get some ID on him, though I do understand why you were so flustered. Twice I’ve had guys try to sexually assault me. Neither one was successful, but it’s still an extraordinarily unsettling event. I feel for you.

Tell this new interest that you ARE interested in a relationship with her, but right now you’re on the rebound, and if you get involved with her (new interest) then you’ll only end up hurting her and yourself. This applies, of course, if you think that you will want to be involved with her in the future…otherwise, just say that you’re on the rebound and that you don’t trust yourself to get involved with anyone at this point.

8

Well, I know now that IF I ever get into another taxi, I will be riding in the comparitive safety of the back. But, to be honest, I think I’ll stick with public transport and my feet. It’s much easier to deal with bruises and stuff from being bashed up.

The thing I hate is, I was looking at his ID pass, it was on the dash. It had his taxi license number on it, and his name. I remember consciously looking at them and thinking “remember those numbers”. I have a pretty good memory most of the time (for numbers, anyway… my party trick used to be getting everyone to tell me their phone numbers at the start of the evening, and then going around at the end and telling everyone what they were… of course, names were another story :rolleyes: ) and for the life of me, I just couldn’t absorb those numbers. I’d read them and read them and they just wouldn’t go in. sigh That peturbs me somewhat. I mean, I sabotaged my own justice. Except it wasn’t intentional, as far as i know.

9

Straight by stealth!

Man. Obviously, I have no idea how hard life is for someone who’s changed their gender, or is going through that process. But it’s got to be hard when the people around you throw this sort of bullshit at you.

I’m sorry about your enormous bout of bad luck, phraser. May you find calmer waters soon. And dammit, that taxi driver deserves a good kick in the nuts - at the very least. Unbelievable!

10

I think she was just surprised… it was her friends who over-reacted. At least her new girlfriend won’t be getting jealous - it’s clear she doesn’t see me as a threat any more (not that I ever was, I moved on long ago…)

It’s funny how people react sometimes. Some people you worry about, and they are incredibly cool. Others, who you think would have suspected, are freaked out.

11

Wait, so let me get this straight…this guy sexually assaulted you and you still paid him his fare?!?

:confused:

Holy crap…I’m really sorry for what happened to you, but might I recommend some classes in self-assertion?

12

See, it’s like this.

If I don’t pay the fare, I am breaking the law, whether he sexually assaulted me or not.
I don’t like cops, and I don’t want them chasing me. I don’t like this taxi driver, and I don’t want him chasing me, either.

If I don’t pay, they start chasing me.

If I were caught, sure, I could tell them what he was doing. But it would be his word against mine, and the cops in this country aren’t especially nice to queer people in my experience. I especially don’t want to spend time in jail, because I don’t know whether they’d put me in with guys or girls, and either would be dangerous.

So I paid. Actually, I overpaid him - the meter was only up to about $13, and I didn’t wait around for change.

But like the whole thing, it was calculated to get me safely out of there with minimum damage.

13

In circumstances like that, yes, you want to get out of it as quickly and safely as possible. Getting assaulted does weird things to your mind. Your mind might decide that it doesn’t want to remember ANYTHING about this incident, let alone little details like his name and ID number. I don’t know how far your transitioning has gone, but if this jerk had managed to get your clothes off, there’s no telling WHAT he would have done. It’s not fair that you felt the need to throw money at him to keep him from calling the cops, but you made the best of a very nasty situation. You’re alive and physically uninjured. As these things go, you got off as lightly as possible. That’s still no excuse for what he did, it’s just a tribute to your quick thinking.

14

Phraser, I left a message on your mobile. Please call me. This sucks ass on many levels. Please know that Cath and I are thinking of you and we send our love your way hugs.

Max.

15

Maxxxie, you do know that you are a legend, don’t you?
As a little update:
I have a place to live now (hooray for not being in the car any more) with sturdy lockable doors. I found a sexual assault counselling service that was able to deal with having a transguy as a client.
I have been back to Melbourne and survived. I have ridden in taxis (with supportive friends to protect me) and survived.

I’m starting work on Monday, and maybe things will settle down some.
Thanks everyone who sent good wishes.

16

First, nobody deserves to be assaulted, sexually or otherwise.

Second, you might consider why you put yourself through all of that from the call to the ex to getting in the cab’s front seat.

17

I believe that standard operating procedure in Australia is for patrons (when alone) to ride in the front seat of cabs.

I don’t think Phraser was being odd - just normal.

Secondly, “Straight by Stealth” is so kookie, I just don’t even know what to say.

Take care of yourself Phraser - I hope your new job works out well.

18

Yeah, I never even thought of sitting in the back.
People don’t seem to do that much here. It’s seen as somewhat anti-social.

I hope the job works out too - I’m sure it will be challenging.

County- the part with the ex is my own stupid fault, which is why this thread is partially about pitting myself. The taxi driver - well, that was just bad timing.

19

Yes, amazingly, American taxi riding practices are NOT the world standard. Huh. :rolleyes:

What an awful thing to happen. I have a friend who’s in the middle of transitioning to female, and she is HUGE, I wish I could send her down to kick the guy’s ass. I’m sure she’d be happy to.

I’m told that living well is the best revenge. Good luck with your job!