Late November, but it still counts: I discover one of the people I treasure most and have had a mild crush on for some time (you know, the sort that necessitates you never tell) is leaving. For good. For PHOENIX. In January. And I didn’t know. I’m a bit upset, but worse things could happen.
December 3: I return home after a hard night of boardgaming to discover my lights are off. The payment plan I had with the electric company? Conveniently forgotten, and either I pay an extra $80 now over the money I owe them or I wait until Monday to get power back. And the cost in general is a lot more than I had budgeted. Sigh; know my rent is going to be boogered for this because I just sent out checks to pay a lot of other kinds of stuff, pay them.
December 6: 8:39 in the morning and I am at work checking my mail. That’s odd, my exbf emailed me. He doesn’t know my number, apparently, and can’t get hold of me, but he’s at home and wants me to call. As I pick up the phone I am idly curious why he would be at home; does he need a ride to work? Has something happened? I call. Something has happened. A mutual friend of ours for about seven or eight years, one of his roommates, has been killed in a motorcycle accident. I leave work to come take care of him and the rest of the house, while myself being entirely bowled over.
December 6: Eveningtime. My exbf is holding hands with a man and being quite snuggly with him during the movie night. I am rather numb so this takes some time to set in. Said ex and said guy disappear into ex’s room, are gone for some time. I take this opportunity to get the hell out, feeling a little bad for being sick by this. Do not show up to Tuesday get-together and end up worrying everyone. “I just felt introverted,” I explain.
December 10: I discover that the e-check I sent to my landlord did not go through, and I now owe about $250 in late fees. And they will start eviction proceedings on Tuesday if they don’t get the cash. I start to twitch. I do get to borrow $300 from a friend. Examining bank account (and seeing the multiple checkbouncing) I realize that I should be able to pay her back, or pay the rest of the rent on Friday, but not both. And of course now nobody is getting Christmas presents.
December 14: I show up to this Tuesday’s gather because I feel a little obliged and because exbf says he wants to patch up our friendship. (For history in this: Met in 97 or so, became great friends. Started dating October 2000. Broke up Sunday before Christmas 2002 because…well, it’s a long and sordid story, the moral of which is: Ex does not communicate, to the point that he will never say when something is wrong, even when asked repeatedly, until it’s too late. Invites me over but is perpetu-uncomfortable around me, so I stop coming.) My immediate response is my usual forgiving “Of course, if he wants to be friends I want to be friends.” But i’m still irked, and I can’t figure out why. He is quite snuggly with this fellow and not really being very subtle about it. I pay attention to the other dozen or so people there, but I don’t feel that I belong and leave at first opportunity.
December 17: I go out for dinner with the fellow moving to Phoenix. He finally says “I don’t know if you want to talk about this, but did you find something a little different about exbf?” “…Like what?” I say, knowing perfectly well. He indicates what he means and I sigh and nod and say it’s really troubling me that I’m really troubled about it. Hamburger that turned the guy vegan, and all. Here’s the kicker – Exbf had told Longtime Crush that he was dating this fellow two weeks before I discover it. Says “Don’t tell LPN.” “Why, was it because of her…?” “No no no nothing like that.” “Okay…” This is very like him. It wouldn’t be RIGHT for me to find out from someon else, would it? And he certainly can’t tell me himself, even through email. He might have to see an unpleasantly shocked face. So to spare me that pain, he lets me find out on the same day I discover one of my close friends is dead.
And Longtime Crush is still moving, still has feelings for me, but will not act on them because, well, he is moving. It’s good for him to move – the allergies here are dreadful and he has family there, and Dell is not treating him well here. It is best for him to go, but I haven’t dated a single person in two years because I just don’t get out much and I’m crappy at the whole feminine wiles thing. My only idea for paying all that rent is to cash a rubber check and go into some further checking account negativity. Of course, that’s what we like to call “fraud” and all. Probably a bad idea.
Oh. And I have to get $200 soon to get my car its 15,000 mile inspection or I’ll be voiding my warranty. Not to mention I have to find time to take it in for a few hours.
I think there’s something else I’m forgetting.
These are small problems, by and large. Individually, they just make a tiresome month. Put together, they’re just about nearly worthy of a Pitting, especially because I’m sinking into that all-firedly-annoying depression that has me sitting at home right now instead of at work. I feel really terrible as this is the first year I won’t be able to afford Christmas gifts for the whole family, but I know they’ll understand and I’ll make it up to them. 