Fucking Cancer

The BBQ Pit
1

This complaint is brought to you from the “life sucks” department in the land of the cosmically unfair.

My friend Jen is 29 years old. Jen is a SWEET person. She’s kind to everyone, friendly, bubbly, happy…all the good things a person can be. Plus, she just has a sweet smile and a pretty face that scream “goodness.” She never did a blinkin’ thing to hurt anyone. In fact, quite to the contrary, she’s a very supportive friend, helps her family out, and generally does good deeds and smiles at people a lot. Simple, but true.

A year and a half or so ago, she had a go 'round with breast cancer. Yes, that’s right…breast cancer at 27 or so. They removed only the offending mass and performed chemotherapy and radiation. So they took it all out and gave her treatment and that should be that, right?

Wrong. She’s just had a cancerous tumor removed from the OTHER breast. The damned disease has come BACK. She’s losing her hair again, going through the torment of chemotherapy. Instead of deciding what dress to wear on a date with her boyfriend, she recently had to decide if she wanted 4 chemo treatments over three months (sick as a dog, complete loss of hair) or 8 treatments over 12 months (less sick, less chance of hair loss, drag torture out longer).

If there was ANY justice in the universe, this would not be happening. Jen’s prognosis is dismal. Because she’s young, her cells are vibrant and reproduce quickly. If she’d gotten cancer at 60, her chances would have been better. If it takes you that many years to produce a first tumor, chances are pretty good, you won’t produce another one before the end of your life. When you’re producing a cancerous tumor of a highly metastic type every year and a half however, things are not good. In fact, they suck the big donkey dong. I’ve been trying to figure out how to get a freezer into hell to protect that ice cube’s chance I’ve been told she has.

There’s no way around this. You can’t just cut the damned stuff out and be done with it. It’s fucking SNEAKY. Hides places, comes back unannounced and uninvited. And it doesn’t care who loves you or how kind you’ve been to others or whether you deserve it or not.

No one deserves to go through this…to face the likely end of their life at such a young age. And if anyone DOES deserve it, it’s NOT JEN. Maybe Milosovic. Maybe Charles Manson. But Jen?

Someone better write me a response about some amazing spontaneous remission shit happening or I’m going to sit here and cry all evening. There can NOT be no route out of this. You can’t just be TRAPPED by a few rampant cells on a reproduction spree. There has to be a treatment, a reason Jen’s not as sick as most people in her position. Maybe there’s a Mexican cure or a furlough from disease for nice, sweet people with smiley, dispositions and pretty young faces.

I can’t tell you how bitter this makes me feel.

-L

2

I don’t have a storry about amazing spontaneous remision. I can tell you that my mother had cancers in each breast (2 separate incidents) and that she has been a cancer survivor for 15 years, now. She was older than your friend (46) when she got the first one but hardly 60.

I wish Jen the best of luck and all possible health and fortune for her recovery.

If I see you in Boston on the 23[sup]rd[/sup] we can clink glasses and mutter “fuck cancer” in unison.

3

As a person whose Uncle is going through much the same thing, but with colin cancer, I can’t tell you how sorry I am. Shit like this just shouldn’t happen to people.

E-mail me if you want to talk.

4

Well, that’s a start!! I mean, even if it’s not “spontaneous remission” the results are the same. I’m happy for your mom and for you! And that gives me some hope…I’m looking for it everywhere! :slight_smile:

-L

5

I am so sorry about your friend.

I do, however, know a woman who had breast cancer twice in her 30’s and is still alive and healthy. In fact, her daughter was recently diagnosed with breast cancer in both breasts at 25 and just finished therapy.

In other words, this family has a form of breast cancer that occurs at a young age, spreads to both breasts, but does not seem to metastasize elsewhere very easily, meaning that it is potentially curable.

Let’s hope your friend has a similar type.

6

SW,

I’m sorry for you and sorry for your friend. Cancer really, really fucking sucks. Your friend is lucky to have you as a buddy through all this.

I was wondering if yor friend has any younger sisters or daughters. I ask because breast cancer is unusual as hell in women under 40. When it occurs so early, one must suspect a genetic predisposition. There are mutations in known genes that predispose to breast cancer. If your friend has one of these mutations, there’s a great likelihood that her sisters/daughters will carry the trait as well. They can be tested and if they do have the mutation, hypervigilant breast surveillance may allow them to detect a cancer at an earlier stage when it’s easier to cure.

Again, I’m sorry about your friend.

CB

7

SW, I’m really sorry to hear about your friend. Cancer is a horrible horrible thing.
Don’t dispair because she’s young, though. I worked for 4 summers at a camp for children (4-18) with cancer, and the large majority of them recover and live normal lives.
I have to second what choosybeggar said. They can test for the genes for early-onset breast cancer nowadays, and although it leaves people with hard choices to make if they find out that they have those genes (prophylactic mastectomy?), it’s better to know.

8

Some women do opt for this and it’s hard to blame them. It’s hard to live day to day believing that a part of your body is a cancer waiting to happen.

However, that’s not the only possible approach. Found early, breast cancer is quite treatable and not every woman with a BRCA mutation will develop cancer. Women with BRCA mutations benefit from early mammography, regular self exams, and rapid follow-up of any abnormalities. Hopefully, with this hypervigilant approach, affected women will be saved from potentially unnecessary and disfiguring surgery, yet not develop an advanced breast cancer.

9

SW, that sucks. And you’re right is a bitch.
My Grandmother had the big C last year. She had to miss my wedding because she was in kemo. Yuck!
But It’s been over a year now and she is heaps better. She is back to her old tricks (crazy old bird!) and I love her for it.
When it comes to cancer, attiude is everything. Ok, I know, it sucks, it hurts, etc. But if your friend has the right attiude (and it sounds like she does) she can conquer anything. Just be there for her if she needs a shoulder to cry on or a cheerleader to motivate her.

10

Yeah, that’s the stuff I want to hear! Keep it coming! Woo hoo. That makes me feel better.

Jen doesn’t have any younger siblings or daughters. I know this is extremely rare. In fact, at first, it scared the hell out of me, since I’m about 2 years older than Jen and thought maybe MY chances were greater than I thought. But I do know now that it’s very unusual.

Thanks for your happy thoughts and information everyone!

-L

11

Cancer…I hate it too.

Six years ago I underwent surgery and radiotherapy for testicular cancer (no chemo needed, thankfully). And while I’ve been cancer-free since then, and while the doctors say I have only a 0.5% chance of recurrence, it still sits there in the back of my mind: “That swollen lymph node – is that just a normal mild infection? Or could it be…” :frowning:

But I’m still here, six years later, to tell the tale. Cancer treatments are improving all the time, and whereas even twenty years ago I might not have been cured, there is still hope for your friend.

The best thing you can do is to be a supportive friend to her (as I’m sure you are) – not pitying or patronizing, but just making sure that she knows that she will have whatever help she needs and that people are rooting for her. The emotional support can sometimes be as important as the medical stuff.

I wish her (and you) well.

12

The good news is, cancer’s not the automatic death sentence it used to be. There’re newer and better chemo drugs, x-ray therapy and surgery techniques that are still not pleasant or fun, but that can save lives.

I’m assuming Jen lives close to you, which means y’all are close to Dana Farber Cancer Center, one of the best in the country. There are also Sloan-Kettering in NY, MD Anderson here in Houston, and numerous university hospitals, many of which offer excellent care.

She should also educate herself on her disease and make sure all her questions are answered, and to feel free to get second or third opinions as needed. While cancer is not a death sentence, it’s still pretty serious, and this is not a time to be polite. Joining a support group may also help.

Just my two cents.

Robin

13

SexyWriter, I’m sorry to hear about Jen.

I hate cancer. I’ve lost too many people to it, and too many children I work with through my work with service and therapy dogs.

:frowning: It sucks. It really does. It’s anything BUT fair.

I know of a few cases of still-standing remissions after bouts at a young age… but also am aware of the prognosis for most people.

I’m truly sorry about your friend. If you need to talk, I’m well aquainted with cancer - from a therapy standpoint and a personal one, too - so just drop me a line or buzz me via ICQ…

Oh, yeah, and Fuck Cancer. Big time.

Elly

14

My mother had breast cancer when she was, I think, in her 30’s. She had to have both breasts removed, but that never stopped her and she never let it bother her. At least she was alive. That was her philosophy. She died this last May at the age of 86. :frowning:

I agree that attitude is everything. And not just from the person that has cancer. The right attitude needs to come from family and friends also. Hang in there and be supportive for your friend.

15

Incidently, my mom did not die of cancer. She died as a result of Alzhiemers (sp?) disease. She had beaten the cancer.

16

:frowning:
my mom was around 46 too when she got breast cancer. it sucked, and it wasnt fair at all. she was healthy too, REALLY healthy. ate the right foods and everything. it was a sneaky little thing. fortunately, she caught it early and survived, but she still went through chemo and all that crap. even today, her immune system isn’t great, and she almost always has a cold or whatnot.

so yah, fuck cancer

17

SW,

I too am very sorry to hear about your friend. And no, it isn’t fair. I don’t know why bad things happen to wonderful people. And breast cancer is more aggressive in younger women than older ones. The same thing is true with prostate cancer as well - older men do better in general than younger ones.

But.

It sounds like your friend has what it takes to fight. And that is TREMENDOUSLY important. Younger people have more physical resources to fight than older ones, and if they have emotional and mental resources, then so much the better. Stay close to your friend and try to stay positive, even if it is very hard. This will help her. Make sure she gets the rest and the help she needs. She shouldn’t have to worry and stress about any other responsibilities in her life. Let her know that whatever is important is being taken care of for her. Love her, and let her know that every day is precious.

If she isn’t in a support group, get her in one. Consider alternative therapies that won’t interfere with her standard treatment.

The more energy she has to put into her own getting better, the better off she will be. And don’t be surprised if she beats this, or at least lives for a lot longer than anyone expects.

18

You guys are so nice and have the greatest advice. This hardly seems like a pit thread at all!

-L

19

SW,

You are right. This doesn’t seem like a Pit Thread.

FUCK CANCER! Fuck you, the horse you rode in on, its ancestors, and all its other relatives.

Fuck every cancer cell that ever even thought of coming into being. And the horses they rode in on, and their relatives.

WE WILL BEAT YOU. Have no doubt. You are harder to get a handle on than other diseases, but you should be shaking in your boots, because every single goddamn day, we get closer to figuring you out, and your days are numbered. Mark my words, we will NEVER REST until you are our bitch. And then we will do with you what we will.

You may take our loved ones now, but you will pay, and you will pay with your life. No cancer cell will ever be able to live without fear. BECAUSE WE WILL BEAT YOU. WE WILL KILL YOU ALL!!

And yes, I do believe with my whole heart that day will come. Every day we get closer. It may not be in time for everyone we love, but it will come. And what a day that will be.

20

romansperson, this is going to sound really strange, but your latest post put tears in my eyes. But the really wierd part is I also wanted to laugh. Something in the attitude and phrasing I guess.