I’m twenty five years old. A quarter century. You’d think, at some point along the way, I’d have figured out how to dress myself. But, no, every day, every fucking day, my collar is inside out. Not totally inside out, which would just look like I’m wearing a collarless shirt, but only half inside out, so the other end of the collar is pointing away from my neck at a forty-five degree angle. And I never notice until I’m out of the house and somewhere public. Every day! A normal human would, after doing this roughly nine thousand times, learn to look in a motherfucking mirror before leaving the house. Not me, no siree. I’m out there bumbling around like I just escaped from the home. Jesus. Maybe I should try nudism. <cut to film clip of screaming Japanese mob fleeing Godzilla, cut back> Or maybe not.
BTW, before the first sodden cocksock can show up and tell me “Well, if that’s the worst thing in your life…” Let me tell you: it ain’t even close. I’ve got all sorts of horrible shit in my life that’s none of your fucking buisness. This is the only thing I can complain about that doesn’t require a three-page backstory.
Your collar is obviously cut from the same cloth (pun fully intended) as my underwear and shirts that I examine closely, put on, and find out later that I have on inside out and/or backwards. The clothes are obviously changing themselves once they are on, because I just can’t believe that I can look carefully at my clothes and then still end up putting them on wrong. Repeatedly.
Do you at least manage to keep your underwear inside your other clothes?
As a male who has to dress himself for work in collared shirts every weekday I’m confused. I’m not asking for the “three-page backstory” but I must be mis-understanding your description of what you are doing.
I rarely, if ever, have had a dress shirt collar that could pull the “inside-out” trick you are talking about (ie lay properly on one side with the other end able to twist out and wing off at 45 degrees on the other with some deliberate effort on my part to effect this. Simply pulling the collar around the tie generally ensures a proper collar orientation. Are you possibly talking about having an one end of un-buttoned collar that’s flapping along on its own or…?
Just tell everyone that you’re a new wave of fashion. “My collar’s not inside-out… I’m cutting-edge, baby!”
God, is there anything sexier than a witty, together, accomplished man who still manages to screw up some embarrassingly simple aspect of daily life every single day? I love it. Among other things, it makes the woman in your life (or partner, to those so inclined) feel needed. No sarcasm in this post, really.
I hope someone mentions this in your eulogy. Along with that little snort you make when you laugh. So endearing.
John Major
Just had to be the first person to mention his name. 
Did you ever watch that old TV show, Get A Life? Chris Elliot was always walking around in polo shirts with his collar sticking out, and he was a movie star! Maybe you should go by Fox headquarters and ask for a job.
Dude, I have some standards!
So far, so good, but I do have to check to make sure I have pants on before I head out for work in the mornings (forget skirts - it’s just about guaranteed that I’ll end up with my skirt tucked into something and my butt hanging out before I go out in public).
OMG, I just remembered that day at work when I discovered that I had been working all day with a sock stuck inside my pant leg from the laundry. There is something seriously wrong with me!
I’ve done that, too, featherlou. (Hey, that…nevermind) I had a sock up one sleeve of my shirt, right up by my shoulder, for two or three hours before I discovered it. The whole time, I couldn’t figure out why my shirt didn’t fit right. Kept fidgeting and adjusting it, until all of a sudden the sock fell out. Damn, but I jumped when I felt it brush down my back. Thought I had a rat in my shirt.
Could be worse, Miller. My brother-in-law works for the county department of social services. When his oldest daughter was 3 or 4, he got transferred to a new department. He walked into his boss’s office, and noticed that his pants legs were fitting sort of funny, and clinging to his leg. He started shaking his pants leg, and out falls a pair of little girls’ panties.
Great way to make an impression on the head of Child Protective Services…
astro: I think the miscommunication here is that I don’t wear a tie to work (Wear neckties around lathes is bad, mmkay?) So what I get is one of the collar inside the shirt, the other outside at a wacky angle.
YWalker: Your story made me snort audibly. Which is as close as I usually get to LOL.
ing. Wearing
Miller - I, like Cranky, find this endearingly attractive. It’s just gorgeous to see a man on his way to work clearly a little flustered and with his collar/tie/hair/whatever all skewed. Really, it looks like you were too busy thinking important thoughts and doing important things to care about the nuances of collar folding.
[sub]I get the sudden feeling that I’m too easily impressed.**
Fran
Jesus, you and me both. We’ll go after anything on this board. Anything in pants–Er, I mean, collars.
Oops. I thought this was an S&M thread. Carry on.
Time for morning inspection.
Ah, and that collar? Turned in again?
Ten demerits.
argh. few things are worse than drinking too much coffee, really needing to take a piss, run to the head, zip down yer fly, and then and only then find out yer undies are on backwards. and then having to fumble with yer belt, and drop trou, and terrified youll start pissing before it all happens.
well, many things are worse, but that sucks. and i did it a lot, until i switched from boxers to boxer briefs. (which cup you in ALL the right places)
I worked with an engineer a few years ago who was so smart that he was “life stupide”. On occasion, he would show up to work with shirts inside out, a few times his pants were inside out, different color socks were routine, a couple times he’d show up with one black shoe and one brown shoe, but the best he ever did was show up once with a hanger still in his shirt. Sticking straight up behind his neck was the hook.
So the next time you screw up your shirt, just blame it on the genius that is yours, which prevents you from worrying about such insignificant things like fashion