Actually, that happened to me in a job interview recently. I was applying to become a counselor-in-training at this summer camp I like, and last year I really failed on my application neatness and essay quality, but had an average interview.
This year, I thought that if I can do well on the essay and application, then I should be fine. But that wasn’t the case, because last year, I had a phone interview due to the fact that I had a big violin event on the same day as the interview and couldn’t come. This year, I had to do a real interview, and I got screwed for the same thing.
They said:
Interview was below average.
Struggled to answer questions fully.
Difficulty fully grasping concept of what CIT’s are responsible
for.
Some difficulty understanding some questions. Eye contact was minimal.
I think honestly, it comes down to confidence. I have heard the same advice quite often in dating as well. For some reason, people have a thing about eye-contact…hmm…
It can be a tough thing to learn if you’re shy on any level. But yeah, interviewers etc. tend to read avoidance of eye contact as a major downcheck - you’re afraid, you’re hiding something, you won’t listen, etc.
Learn to make eye contact for a few seconds out of every fifteen or so, and try to do it with a pleasant expression. Then find a reason to look away, without it seeming like you’re distracted. It really is that simple… and yes, I know, that hard.
Sorry about the job. It’s tough enough without having to know every little PITA thing you’re being judged on.
But I am confident. I just find eye contact, in general, no matter the context, no matter how confident, threatening. We’re staring each other down. One of us is going to punch the other. That’s how it feels to me.
Yes, this is of course not the first time people have commented on this facet of my personality. It’s the first time it actually mattered, though, and yeah, it actually really hurts. Like I’m kind of about to cry here. (Sorry, TMI.)
I’m going to have to figure out how to do it, just as you suggest.
It is hard to explain how much I am dreading this. It really does feel completely horrible for me to make eye contact with people. This is really going to completely suck.
Sorry you didn’t get the job. The tip I’ve encountered on eye contact is to look the person right in the nose. It seems like eye contact, but is easier to segue in and out of.
I know you’ve probably heard this all before, but meet eyes for a second, then let your eyes drift a little, to their mouth or an ear, down to the table if that’s a possibility, down to your pad if you’re taking notes (this is a good reason to take notes), back to the eyes, etc.
Practice on someone you know.
I have given interviews where the person I was interviewing wouldn’t meet my gaze. It was really offputting. I’ve also given interviews where the person WOULD NOT STOP MAKING EYE CONTACT. That was much more offputting. There is a middle!
Isn’t the trick to look at their eyebrows or something, just close enough that it looks like eye contact. Honestly, how do you look somebody in both eyes, the few times I try to humor myself and focus on eye contact, I notice I usually have to choose which eye I’m looking at
Lemme clarify what the problem is with me exactly. I have a hard time looking people in the eye area. What I find myself drifting to is typically the mouth, as this feels much less threatening to me.
Well anyway, I’m just going to have to bear down and practice this.
I’m kind of desperate here because I do not know for certain that I will have a job where I am at this time next year. So this isn’t just me feeling sad I didn’t get a job I want. This is me feeling sad I don’t know what job I will have at all.
You’re not alone, but this is something you can learn. Practice with family and friends. When you first meet someone, meet their eyes and smile. While they are talking to you, hold their gaze and nod/react appropriately. When it’s your turn to talk you can take your eyes away intermittently.
Try looking at their forehead or nose if you can’t hold the eyes. And if you must look away, try not to look at the floor- that really screams nervousness (or weakness, to some people).
Culture matters. If you didn’t get the job because you wouldn’t do something that you consider to be a threat - it’s likely not a place you would be comfortable working in. That being said, when you first start a new paragraph in talking to somebody, glance to the bridge of the nose (the part that you look at to recognize a face).
I know the OP was asking this before, and now, so am I. What is the fucking point of taking eye-contact so seriously? This is not flirting with the opposite sex where such a factor is very important. That’s part of the reason why I consider it creepy to make eye-contact with interviewers.
So why do they want eye-contact? What does it tell them?
That you aren’t lying, or ashamed of yourself. You may not normally make eye contact, but haven’t you noticed that when you’ve done something wrong, you REALLY don’t want to look at people, or want them to look at you? You just want to hide? Someone that refuses to make eye contact at all comes across like that: like a bad puppy who is hoping no one will notice him.
What Manda JO said, and also that you aren’t afraid of me, that you have social skills, that you don’t have too much aggression, that you respect my position, etc.
I’ve been working on my eye-contact skills as well. I have a bad habit of looking at people’s lips when they’re talking to me. It must be annoying as hell.
