Well that was fun.
Read this article about interviewing and it has this to say about eye contact:
Hope this helps.
All these tricks can help I suppose, but the problem is you are concentrating too much on the tricks and not enough on the interview. The true key to making natural eye contact is to actually be interested in and pay attention to what the person is saying. But not just that but don’t start thinking about your next answer or what you need to make sure you want to say before the interview is over. You need to be in the moment. It is important to really understand why you aren’t looking them in the eye. You say it is because you find it threatening? To you or to them? I used to think the same thing, but I realized that wasn’t really it. What was really happening is what I wanted to say was more important to me than what they were saying. So I didn’t really listen…like truly listen. You can repeat back what they said, but were listening?
There’s this. Difficulties with eye contact are a well-known issue for Asperger type people, and this is much discussed on Aspie message boards. One description I recall: It feels like being barreled over by a freight train.
Something happens when eye contact is made that seems to work OK for you normal earth humans, but others find it seriously jolting. I have a theory: It’s the earth human equivalent of the Vulcan mind meld. In a normally functioning earth human, this creates some sort of mind-connection (at a subconscious level that you don’t even realize), opening some sort of low-level Ethernet data connection (for you networking-savvy nerds, I’m thinking like something at the Data Link level) over which higher-level (conscious) data packets can flow.
The problem isn’t that this mechanism is absent or non-functional in people with low-level hardware failures in this area. Rather, the problem is that the mechanism is present and badly MAL-functional. It works, but very wrongly. That is why eye contact, rather than having no effect, actually has such an unpleasant jolting effect for these people. The normal-functioning people at the other end of these connections can’t understand what the problem is, although they can clearly detect that there is definitely something wrong. They find way too many packet errors at the Session level.
Today I learned that one of my coworkers has these immense bug eyes that jut out almost as far as the tip of her nose.
I guess it’s not clear but what I’ve been saying is that it’s not natural for me to make eye contact with the person I’m interested in speaking with. In order to make eye contact with the person I’m listening to, I have to think consciously about it. If all I had to do was “actually be interested” I’d be fine. But it turns out that’s not all I have to do, because when I’m actually interested, I look away.
(I should clarify something here, as I’ve had some further experience from which to analyze just exactly what it is I do. I don’t make nearly as much eye contact as others in almost any context, but it turns out it’s easier for me to do it when listening. When speaking I am having an incredibly difficult time–surprisingly hard, even knowing me as I do–keeping eye contact going. When I’m talking it’s like I just must look away.
Having watched what others are doing when they talk to me and to each other for a few weeks now, I can see how my behavior would be off-putting.)
None of this seems to apply to me at all. I most naturally close my eyes or look away especially when I’m listening very carefully. Indeed it helps me concentrate.
Actually, they’re not tricks, just basic reminders about how to create a good first impression. Dressing well, smiling, saying “hello”… people think these are tricks? I was taught that this was “manners”.
Of course the article doesn’t say anything about the rest of the interview, its premise is about making a good first impression. You still have to do well at the interview, but it’s easier to get an offer if you make that good first impression.
And I say this as somebody who has been unemployed, has had four job offers, rejected 3 for various reasons, and accepted one just last week. I nail interviews when I get them, and the reason I do so is partly because I do what is said in the article (and more): I dress appropriately, don’t slouch, look people in the eye, smile, greet them and introduce myself, etc.
this really poses issues for three groups of people I can think of right off the bat…people with aspergers/autism types of issues, people who are not visually oriented (such as legally blind or people who lived part of their life blind and are only sighted now due to surgery and glasses)and those raised culturally that it is disrespectful to look into the eyes of a man or an elder and can merit your being beaten for it. IMHO it can be very discriminatory. . I have all three of those issues. After about 20 failed interviews I finally started demanding WHY, when someone finally explained lack of eye contact I started out the interviews explaining how I was raised and that while it was odd to them, I was showing respect. It helped.
One of THE BEST EVAH responses (other than the banning)I’ve ever seen to the james whatsis sweetheart nightmare.
do you sell these to satan via ebay?
Minor update here. I know this isn’t what I was supposed to learn from this experience, but I wanted to note that in the past few weeks I have learned the value of the inquisitor’s slightly-smiling continual gaze.
It keeps 'em talking, that it does. And you can all even still be friends afterwards!
Baby steps.
The longer you stare the better. If you can hold it for 15-20 minutes straight , I’ve found, then usually you end up friends for a long time.
For optimum benefit skip the eyes and gaze directly into the cleavage with parted lips.
Drooling helps too. It lets the other party know that you are properly hydrated and healthy so they know you are good breeding stock.
No Wonder they hired her! I know that its months too late, but don’t be shy in an interview. You know how some girls use the phrase “make it pop”? This is what they mean.
Imagine you want to have the look of a perfectly manicured doll. All you’d have to do then is to roll over that doll with the tire of your car & just emulate her eyes. I recommend Lots of coffee, Lots of salt, any and all available metabolic steroids
and an in-your-face attitude similar to Stephen Colbert dressing down a girl scout selling cookies.
Remember, it’s all in the impression you make…
More like :eek:
You’re supposed to pretend their eyes are naked.