Doesn’t work for me personally 'cause I went to a large suburban hs and don’t still live around there, but I know not a small number of folks who went to medium sized schools whose family still lives in the area, and well, folks know. Plus, around reunion times, they often put out little updates of where folks are. although most would not say “still a doper loser after all these years” it doesn’t take much to figure out from the small snippets what sort of lifestyle they still have.
Last reunion I went to, I was able to sort it out visually as well (though that was more than 20 years ago by now). t’aint that mcuh of a challenge. And though I don’t scurry around looking for 'whatever happened to so and so", I had several folks who managed to tell me when a h/s contempory of mine was busted as being an international dope dealer.
I ahem “know” several potheads who are very high-achieving (just as I know high-achieving alcoholics and coke addicts as well). I also know a lot of people who are wasting their lives online, watching TV and sleeping, who never touch drugs and who look down their noses who do.
I volunteer at least 15 hours a week, and have a good job in my field that I am very committed to. Several of my friends are in the same position, and at the same time, we all like our chosen substances rather a lot. Some of our colleagues know this and don’t care; other colleagues have no idea.
None of them would say that we are wasting our lives.
(Disclosure: we are white people, over drinking age, in Canada; therefore habits of questionable legality do not put us in nearly as much danger as they might for others.)
I have on more than one occasion experienced derision from people who do not like these substances as much as we do, people who accomplish less in a month than one of the three of us might achieve in a day, people about whom it could be accurately said that they are wasting their lives. One acquaintance, who is 44 and just got a part-time minimum wage job, actually said to me “There’s more to life than work, politics, volunteering and [substance of choice], ya know.”
My point?
I know you aren’t referring to me in your thread title, so I don’t mean to be defensive. Nor do I mean to imply that you are wasting your life.
I just want to make it clear that the presence of a pot [or other substance] habit does not in any way imply life-wasting. Lazy people can be lazy with or without pot, and many great and productive things can be accomplished in spite of* substance use.
or perhaps enabled by? but that is for another thread
Apparently Rigmarole had his wild days as well, and has changed since then. I don’t see anything wrong with his reasons for shying away from this girl.
I just read the OP as a depressed guy blowing off a little steam.
I’m with August West on this one.Who doesn’t expect 20-somethings to party like rock stars? Hell, they should party like rock stars. Don’t drink and drive, don’t get hammered and sleep on your back. Always carry a condom. You’ll be OK.
Oh, and for God’s sakes, smoke some dope already. It’s completely harmless. It’s not a gateway drug. It’s not the sign of being a loser. About the only two things you have to worry about with pot are 1) getting busted because you were stupid enough to drive heavy, or 2) gaining too much weight from wild episodes of making peanut-butter-and-chocolate-chip pancakes at 2AM. You’ll have plenty of time when you reach my age to dry out and live responsibly.
Pretty much everyone I know smokes at least occasionally. This list of people, comprising the ages between 30 to 70, includes computer programmers, engineers, teachers, lawyers, a documentarian, one retired millionaire (an engineer who sold the company he founded at the height of the California tech bubble), a video game producer in charge of one of the most high-profile licences in the industry, and a vice president of the largest bank in the world. I know four serious stoners in my peer group (people in their early to mid-thirties) who are home owners. I only know one stoner who has a child out of wedlock. Far from being abusive to the kid (which is how I interpreted your comment about “mysterious falling down injuries”) he’s managed to get sole custody of the kid because the mother is seriously mentally ill and unable to care for it. He’s also one of the four aforementioned home-owners. The closest thing I know to a pothead who has wasted their lives are a couple of guys in their mid-thirties who are still working as waiters. Which I don’t think is anything to be ashamed of, it’s just that all the other potheads I know are much higher achievers than that.
Red flags indicating what? That she’s wasting her life? She’s 20, for crying out loud. There’s plenty of time for her to get her act together and turn out to become a successful and functioning adult.
It sucks when you’re attracted to someone and then it turns out your lifestyles are not compatible, but calling the other person’s lifestyle “a fucking waste of life” is pretty extreme in this case. From the way he’s looking down his nose at her you’d think she was some kind of alcoholic druggie past redemption.
I can understand not wanting a relationship, but there’s no harm in a least trying for the three-way. It doesn’t mean you have to marry anybody. Why can’t a three-way just be a three way?
Not…precisely. Use of marijuana can aggravate preexisting unknown psychosis. It can trigger panic disorder, which was latent before. I know that for a fact: happened to both me and my brother. It’s not as harmless a drug as everyone makes out. I’m still battling it, what fun.
This is a very interesting paper, I suggest you read it.
It also can limit short term memory and make people into lumps on the couch with no motivation. So much fun. Also it makes you stupid when you’re under the influence. I don’t know about you, but I hate feeling stupid.
It always made me feel smarter, more aware, more anlalytical, more insightful, more creative.
Of course, it may have only seemed that way because I was baked, but the point is, I didn’t feel stupid.
Some people shouldn’t smoke pot. Some people smoke too much. Some people smoke and do just fine in life. The use of marijuana, in and of itself, is not a reliable indicator of character, ability or motivation.
Another stick-in-the-mud here. I’m 25 and enjoy a beer or four. Didn’t drink until I was 21 though. Only been drunk (as in, more than just a good buzz) a couple of times. Never passed out. Never done illegal drugs. It’s just not something I’m interested in, nor do I have much patience for people who are. So I can definitely understand where you’re coming from, Rig. It sucks to find out that you’re incompatible with someone who seemed so promising. It sucks when people are so into alcohol/drugs that getting wasted becomes the goal in and of itself, and they don’t know how to have fun any other way. It sucks to watch people you like make harmful choices and not be able to stop them.
All that said, I agree with the others that “wasting her life” seems like a premature and excessively harsh judgment on a 20-year-old stoner. Plenty of people get their acts together after sowing much wilder oats than that.
No kidding, huh? Talk about harshing one’s mellow.
Basically, yeah, some people shouldn’t smoke a lot of pot for a long period of time. As with any drug, effects are variable in the population. And one certainly should never expose a child to THC.
Alcohol and marijuana can be tolerated pretty well by most people. Most people can handle occasional use and not fall into the stereotypical pitfalls attending alcohol and pot. The thing is, some people can’t handle it and it ruins their life. And by the time you find out you’re one of the people that can’t handle it, it’s usually too late to recognize you can’t handle it, and very difficult to stop. Getting involved with either carries some risk.
Word. Even if they did something that I had a moral problem with, I would still have to go for it. How many chances does he think he’s going to get?
“I hooked up with this girl from work, turned out she wasn’t my type, but I had this awesome 3 way with her and her girlfriend! I thought we were going to sit on the couch, drink wine and analyze some Nietzsche, but all they wanted to do was get stoned and have wild animal sex! What losers!”