Nickrz –
So if I get pissed off when people tell me what to do with my name, that makes ME a professional busybody? Hell, if it weren’t for folks like the ones I quoted in the OP, I wouldn’t be even remotely bothered by anything anybody else chose to do … the operative word being CHOSE. But it sucks that most women my age (early 20’s) don’t feel that they have a choice.
I’m an American, so by my own admission I can’t pronounce Nguyen either. However, I can get fairly close. It’s pronounced with an initial “ng”, which is hard for Americans at the beginning of a word. Try saying “singing”, then gradually leave off the “singi”. Next is the long u, like oo, similar to the way the French pronounce it. Finish it off with something like “ihn”. Oh, did I mention you should start it with a falling voice and finish with a rising voice? My wife says that Americans should try saying en-gwinn as a reasonably close approximation.
Nguyen is the most popular name in Viet Nam, not Korea. In the south, fully half the population has this surname. Dung is likewise Vietnamese, not Korean. In Viet Nam the soft “D” is pronounced like our “Y” in the south and like our “Z” in the north. It’s spelled that way in English because Vietnamese uses the same (Latin) Alphabet we do, so why change it? The only thing Dung has changed is to take the tilde (~) off the “u”. (It should be pronounced with the same falling-rising pattern as Nguyen.)
OK…from one who has made this decision on 4, count em, 4 occasions, I will offer my thoughts. Though I have never understood the confusion on this subject. It’s a little like me having an opinion on what one of you should name your child. Not my business…Who cares? We all make our own decision for our own reasons.
Here’s mine…
I first married in 1967 when the question wasn’t even asked. I always liked my family name, Lewis. It felt secure and familiar and I didn’t see much point in changing it, unless I liked my husbands name better. But that is what you did when you got married then. (Eh!.. Beach…not bad, just another name.)
Once I had changed it, things got really weird when I later remarried. I hated this husbands last name, Bull, but how could I get married and come out the other side with my original family name, Lewis? (or worse, my first husbands name!!) Can’t happen. Do I hyphenate? Last name Beach-Bull, now there’s a mind-sticker!! So I simply grinned and became, Bull. Now, of course we imparted this family heirloom to our children. This husband died when our kids were 5 & 6…later, I remarried for all the wrong reasons. I’m now Winstead. (no, I never even considered keeping Bull. Nor did I consider Lewis-Beach-Bull-Winstead, or any variations thereof)
By now, I was old hat at this name business. So, of course, I wisely left my children as little Bulls. When they were a little older, they decided they wanted to be Winsteads, like their parents. Huh!? So, we left them as Bulls, legally, and allowed them to use Winstead in their day to day lives. Hence, all their school records bear the name Winstead and their birth certificates claim Bull. When they became old enough, they made the decision to have their social security and DMV records set down as Bull-Winstead. (Yes folks, thst’s a hyphenated name being used by 2, now adult, males. (But I’ve now wandered from the end of my saga.)
Now I am almost 50, my children are grown, and I have, once again, remarried.
I ran into my high school sweetheart at a class reunion back in 1992. Long story-short (yes, I know…too late); We were married in 1996 and I was once again confronted with this troublesome choice. I still really found comfort in my original, simple name of Lewis but my honey’s name is Reese (mmmm my favorite candy!!) It was almost an epiphany! Here I am marrying my 1st love, I really like his last name, (and he was actually making jokes about easing my plight by changing his name to Lewis) and I somehow found myself in the somewhat unique position of, sort of, coming full circle.
Why the heck hadn’t I seen it before? I have this middle name that I NEVER use for anything (well my brother used it when he gave it to his only daughter; but she is taking good care of it, and I new she wouldn’t mind if I gave her my half) Soooo…I am now, very happily, D. Lewis Reese. No hyphen, secure, familiar (Reese has even been important to me since 1965). Finally!! The perfect solution.
Now some of you may be concerned about my childrens’ mental health. Trust me, they are as well adjusted as most of us (more than many). They, astoundingly, have a firm grasp on who they are. They don’t own firearms to protect themselves from the big scary world and they don’t belong to any splinter groups. (Well, they do go the church on occasion) They do have their demons, as do we all, but these have much more to do with tragic death, major crises, and an old hippie for a mom. Again, I digress.
We’re all living happily ever after…not being offended by anyone or their hyphens.
And I guess my bottom line is the same as my top line. Who cares? Trust me, not Big Brother, as long as you’re not trying to defraud… (I suppose it helps others if you’re reasonablly consistent) Otherwise, call yourself whatever comes to mind at the moment and be more concerned about spending energy on worrying about the small stuff. (and it IS “all small stuff”.)
As for me, I’ve really used up my legal limit of small stuff allowance today. (Don’t be offended…I refer to other chats as well…and only the subject matter. The content is fascinating and necessary…the exchange of ideas…
Thanks for the forum.
Lew
When I first married, I was adament about keeping my own name, so I did. Now, divorced, I’m happy I kept my own name so I didn’t have to go through all the trouble of changing it. However, if I marry again, I’m changing it. I’ve come to the conclusion that if I’m not prepared to do something like change my name in order to present a solid “married” view of myself, I’m probably not prepared to be getting married.
Fret-Porp - C’mon, you’re kidding, right?
Women in their twenties don’t know they have a choice in what to call themselves after they are married?
Have they been living in caves? I would venture to say any woman who did not have the brains or wherewithal to decide for herself what she would be called for the duration of her married state deserves to be figuratively clubbed on the head and designated MRS. So-and-so forevermore.
Stand up for your rights, ladies or girls or women or whatever your preferred PC term is.
FretPorp & Nickrz
HOOOOORAH!!!
Thank you very much!!!
I happen to have been from that long lost “century” before ERA…(HS grad. 1967) and believe me…there are MANY things today to tells us old folks that all we did was for naught.
BTW is ANYONE tired of being PC rather than simply human? (hmmm, maybe I’ll start a new thread)
Lew
The fact we failed to pass the Equal Rights amendment to this DAY pisses me off. And these ASSHOLES in Washington are willing to amend the Constitution over a piece of cloth but not for our womenfolk?!
DON’T get me started! (Too late).
Here in Quebec, the government does not make it automatic for women to change their names when they marry. They treat it as any other name change would be treated.
Frankly, I think the best way to use names to indicate you are a family without forcing one person to change is to both choose a new name. Otherwise, you could hyphenate, both of you - if John Jones and Mary Walsh marry, they could be John Walsh-Jones and Mary Jones-Walsh; that way, when the middle name is clipped (as it often is) their original name is retained.
Of course one should do what one feels like in the way of names. I’m just giving suggestions.
I intend to remain Matthew McLauchlin until the day I die, no matter how hard it is to spell. People’s pathetic attempts at its orthography amuse me.
And take a warning from the sad case of Senora Dolores Fuertes. She married a man whose surname was la Cabeza; her married name was Dolores Fuertes de la Cabeza - “strong pains of the head”.