It is the year 2003, and most women still change their last name when they get married.
WHY?
This seems so freaking retarded to me. I would never do it. Think about why this practice started in the first place…because women were considered to be the property of the husband. And the children also got the man’s last name, becase they were his property too.
Well in the year 2003, aren’t we past this misogynistic practice? Some women will keep their name and hyphenate it with their husband’s. This is stupid too, because do you think the husband is going to hyphenate his name too? I think not! And why should the kids get the man’s last name? Isn’t it the woman who bore the kids and who probably did most of the work raising the kid?
Why should the woman have to change her name, and not the other way around? Why should anyone have to change their name at all?
I am who I am, and I was born with one name and will keep it forever. And my kids will have hyphenated last names, and can choose whatever last name they want when they are an adult. It has nothing to do with how much you love your husband. And if your husband really loved you, he wouldn’t care if you changed your name.
Birdgirl, chill. The origins of the practice are definitely misogynistic, yes. Why does it still happen? Some people like tradition (don’t look at me, I’m not one of them), others think it’s a sign of love. The bottom line is that they want to (in most cases where it happens), so chill. The name you were “born with” is your dad’s, isn’t it? Is that really any less misogynistic than taking the name of the man you marry?
It’s unfair and a little stupid of you to assume that every time a woman changes her name it’s because her husband has FORCED her to. We’re guys, not bad guys. And for the record, since I imagine you’d ask, if I marry my present girlfriend like I hope to, she won’t take my name. She doesn’t want to and I wouldn’t let her anyway.
To reiterate, in case the emphasis didn’t come out right, the answer in (I would say) virtually all cases is because THEY WANT TO, or at least they don’t mind. Why such a harsh criticism of a decision that is based purely on personal preference and doesn’t impact your life at all?
I think deciding to take one’s husband’s name is one of (or a mixture of) three things, really.
Hating the name you were born with.
I absolutely abhor my given last name. When I get married, the first thing I’m looking forward to is changing that sucker. I think that it might offend my family if I change it for no reason (a.k.a. before I get married), which brings me to my next point.
Not wanting to break tradition.
Some brides want to do everything traditionally to a T, which includes taking the husband’s last name. Some also feel pressure by their families/husband to do so, and I imagine they don’t want to upset them and make the wedding planning any more stressful than it already is.
As an expression of love.
Some women, myself included, believe that it is a true expression of love, devotion, and really “giving oneself” to their partner by taking the last name. I don’t think of it at all as the misogynistic practice that many modern women do.
And I suppose there are also the people that don’t want to live with hyphenated last names, “Mr. Jones and Mrs. Williams” on their address labels, and the confusion of last names when they have children. It really is a personal preference, and I don’t think anyone should be chastised for the route they take. Keeping your last name or taking your partner’s name are both fine choices, as long as they are your own.
I did it because I like being apart of my family, the one I created and not the one chance gave me. It’s convienent for us to all have the same last name when I take the kids to the doctor or eventually when we start having to deal with school.
Why shouldn’t she, if she wants too? In my mind, having the same last name signifies one unit, forlack of a better word. It’s no longer you go your way and I’ll go mine, it’s we’ll go together. If you don’t want to do it, don’t. But don’t force your opinion on someone else.
If I were to marry, would I change my name from my father’s to my husband’s? Perhaps it depends on the name, but most likely. Although I can’t think of a better man than my now-deceased father, and I carry his name with pride.
I always used to think I would never take my husband’s last name. Now I would consider it simply because I live in a country where nobody can spell my last name. If I marry a guy who has a (1) nice and (2) easily spellable last name I probably will take it. It will be my choice, and that’s what feminism is all about, right?
Because all men are women-hating neanderthals that want to degrade and enslave all females until they can no longer bear children, at which time they are disposed of. :rolleyes:
Because I hate my last name. No one ever pronounces it right, and, even when they do, it’s not-pleasing sounding. Plus, if/when I marry my fiance, it’ll make my initials the name of my favorite band.
I’d take my SO’s last name if we get married - and believe it or not, he got his mothers last name due to an ugly divorce - she had his name legally changed to her maiden last name… So, I’d be carrying his mother’s last name… that’s fine by me.
I also have NO problems with women not changing their last name, or hyphenating either. It’s totally personal preference.
This day and age - with single parents, broken homes, step-relatives, same-sex marraiges, etc., nothing is too damn shocking anymore, and pretty much anything goes.
While it may not seem so bad to keep pre-marriage names for the husband & wife, what name to give the offspring?
OK, hyphenate. How about the next generation?
Barbara Birdgirl-Jones marries Chad Smith and their firstborn is named George Birdgirl-Jones-Smith, whose offspring is Wilma Birdgirl-Jones-Smith-Olsen who marries Tony White-Rodriguez-Goldsmith, and their child becomes Robert White-Rodriguez-Goldsmith-Birdgirl-Jones-Smith-Olsen…
Well, it’s possible that she cares because other people do. There are still plenty of folks out there – including young folks – who have a heavily judgmental attitude toward women who don’t change their name. Once you’ve dated a few too many guys who say things like “Well, I’m not going to marry a woman who doesn’t change her name because I want her to PROVE she loves me,” it’s easy to get touchy about the issue.
I wrote an OP very similar to this one about four years ago, and while I’ve since mellowed out in my old age (heck, I don’t have time to care about anybody else’s name any more), I do understand where she’s coming from.
Good lord, it’s not like there’s a law or something. If you don’t want to, don’t. My wife took my name because she wanted to take my name. I didn’t care one way or the other at the time. I just happen to have a cool last name.
Misogynistic? You need a clue and you need it quickly.
I never understand why women who aren’t married to the father who have kids usually give the kid the father’s surname? WTF! The woman does all the work of carrying and birthing the baby, she goes through 9 months of discomfort and the pain of the birth and the kid doesn’t even get her name!!
The father was only there for the pleasurable bit at the beginning! Why does he get all the glory?
I’ll never understand that if I live to be a thousand years old.
Fretful, if the rant was about her SO wanted her to change her name and holding off on a ring until she agreed to do so, I’d be behind her 100%. Likewise if it was about her future parents-in-law giving them a hard time over her decision. Critisizing others because of a motivation that largely doesn’t exist is stupid.
Why do I care what someone else does? For the same reason it bothers me that some Muslim women still cover themselves head-to-toe in a burqua…even though many of them would tell you that they want to do it. They “want” to do it because that is the oppressive culture they grew up in, and because everyone else is doing it. So in a way they are brainwashed.
Why do you find it so surprising that someone would care what someone else is doing? Because I hate seeing women participate in this practice. I think a lot of them don’t even think twice about it, and I wish they would. And if they decide to change their name, then I really question what is going on with them. It makes me sad women would just give up their identity like that.
I am curious, BNB, what do you mean my post “reeks of someone who has issues?” Like what? I honestly don’t know what you mean.
