OK, you got me.
I joined this message board in August 2001 with the express intention of destroying the recovery programmes of all bipolar members. My objective was clear and my plan foolproof. I would post on and off for five and a half years and allow my nefarious project to come to fruition only in January 2007.
My first posting period lasted until the autumn of 2002 and covered about 1300 contributions. I was very careful not to break my cover during this time. I resolved only to post the most innocuous and mindless drivel so that my true agenda would remain hidden from the serried masses of board members. I think I got away with it.
Then I disappeared for a couple of years to make an exhaustive study of bipolar disorder and its effect on those who have it. I felt the time spent so occupied would give me greater credibility when the moment finally came for me to implement my evil plan.
I returned briefly in the late summer of 2004 just to check how many suckers were around who I could annoy two and a half years later. I disappeared again until May 2006. From that time until this I have been meticulous in concealing my motives by posting about 800 times more on matters of no conceivable importance, in order not to attract accusations of trollery. I even dropped into a couple of earlier bipolar related threads to establish my credentials as a ‘sufferer’ in that area.
In the world of espionage it’s called building a legend. I’m here to tell you it takes time and effort to do this effectively and without encouraging whispered talk.
Eventually, in January this year, I shot my five and a half year old arrow into ATMB. But I didn’t reckon on you, did I? Your post reminding me of the basic rule of this message board (Don’t be a Jerk) set me thinking. Had I been rumbled? Was my credibility in the field of bipolar veracity at risk? I couldn’t take that chance so I had to start this thread as well.
This gave me the opportunity to put some spurious detail on my fictitious condition, detail which was gleaned the hard way from a raft of text books while burning the candle at both ends over the two year period 2002-2004. All the time I spent educating myself in this subject I couldn’t help but think it would be easier to actually have the condition rather than study it.
Every foolproof plan has its weak points. This one failed to take into account your expertise in the noble art of clairvoyance. It is this, and only this, ability of yours which has undone me. I stand unmasked by you as a liar and a charlatan.
I’m not sure where I go from here. Virtual disgrace and opprobrium beckon, but I guess I’ll just have to cope with it. When this thread has died a natural death I may have to make myself scarce on this message board for a while. I’ll probably go somewhere else until the heat dies down. In the meantime though, let’s spare a thought for the only real loser in this scenario.
There’s a woman sleeping just upstairs from me right now as I type this. When she wakes up I’m going to have to tell her she’s wasted the last 14 years of her life loving, caring for, and supporting without question someone who isn’t bipolar at all. How she’s going to take this startling piece of news I just don’t know.
Or maybe I do. You see, she’s an accountant. Everything she does is measured. I have a sneaking suspicion that if she ever had the misfortune to find herself in the same room as you, she would assess the weight of your sorry testicles prior to amputating them and stuffing them into your somewhat oversized mouth.
Enjoy your meal.