My condolences on the untimely demise of Mr. Dastardly. Have you decided how you will do the deed? 
Ooh! Ooh! I know! <Waving hand frantically while jumping up and down in seat>
While climbing a statue in pursuit of a particularly lovely pigeon, he fell, impaling himself on the upward-thrusting sword/dagger/thumb of the hero on whose effigy he was perched. He was found hours later, a peace-filled smile upon his face, with dozens of his beloved pigeons perched on his somewhat splattered body.
Yikes! looks like the game just got a bit more complicated.
[quote]
From: Austin Wemba
Subject: What is your story now?
Dear Mr. Dick,
I don’t believe what you are telling me , The flight SA202 arrived JHB at 15.19 yesterday and I confirmed it with the airport.
How did you get self in Nigeria? What is your story all about now?
thanks,
austin
Suggestions?
Notice, he didn’t say that he doesn’t believe I’m Dick Dastardly, so all may not yet be lost…
Simple - during the flight change (where?), you got bumped onto another flight due to overbooking of the second leg. In exchange for the bump you accepted a seat in first class.
Parachuted to safety when a flock of migratory coconuts were sucked into the engine?
Are there any flights that actually went to nigeria? As you don’t speak english, maybe you bought the wrong ticket?
Inspired suggestion, but telling him this will mean that Dick Dastardly cannot meet his fate just yet…
I’m tempted just to spill the beans; I don’t think he’s going to send a photo, no matter what.
OK, here’s what I’ve sent…
Too friggin funny.
A shame all this didn’t happen a month ago. I flew into South Africa in February.
Tell ya now, if it had, and if I had walked into the terminal and seen someone holding the sign “Waiting for Dick”, I don’t think I could have handled it.
It’s too bad you didn’t land in Uganda or Zimbabwe. My brother-in-law just returned from there and has pictures you could have used.
This is me in front of the US embassy…
This is me petting a baby lion…
Mangetout
The suggestion that perhaps he ought to give up and go home is just the right touch to keep him hooked. I fact, that might be the way to ultimately end it. The Mr. Wemba will never be really sure what happened.
In any event, don’t just kill him off. Have him kidnapped and held for ransom. Then his “fiance” can frantically e-mail Mr. Wemba with the sorry news and claim that it is more urgent than ever for her to complete the transaction on Mr. Dastardly’s behalf so that she can get the ransom money.
Well, actually I work in Africa quite a bit. (Most recently Gabon, but also Nigeria, Cameroon, Congo, Kenya, and South Africa.) Depending on the story you want to tell, I may have some photos you could use, including some that are actually from Lagos.
Oh, and I have some lovely photos of some African pigeons . . .
Yes please to the photos - if you could send a couple to Mr Dastardly at his Yahoo Address ( RichardDastardly2004@yahoo.com ), I’m sure he’ll find them useful.
Truth Seeker - what a wicked suggestion - leaving him hanging, but I was sort of looking forward to the Coup de Grace.
You must finish him off by calling him a mugu. If you’re lucky you’ll a few more letters out of him that’ll include death threats and witchcraft curses.
The other option is to try and get him to send you something in the mail. A nice Hallmark card with a secret message in it perhaps. While it might seem like a little thing, the postage alone would set the lad from lagos back over 10 dollars.
I have absolutely nothing to contribute to your story; I just wanted to say thanks for giving us such a laugh. 
I have sent Mr. Dick a number of pictures from Africa which should enable him to spin a tale of whatever degree of outlandishness he thinks is appropriate. Unfortunately, my pictures from Nigeria are at home and will have to wait until tomorrow.
I think you should tell Mr. Wemba that, by some extraordinary stroke of luck, you have met some people in Lagos who have also come into several million dollars but need some help in getting at it. Ask him if he wants to participate in the deal.
Thanks Colibri - I got the pictures (maxed out my mailbox temporarily) - I tried to reply, but your ISP’s spam filter blocked me - Are you sure you’re happy with me using photographs of you to send to this scammer?
If you do have any distinctive pictures of Lagos or African pigeons, these would be good.
Thanks for your contribution.
**Mangetout **…I adore you, bear your children, I want to. Much happiness it bring.
Now, onto the **Problems With Dick. **
You need to find whatever would be a downtown shot of Lagos. Photoshop a picture of yourself there and email to this man.
Or even a picture that is vague of location, and photoshop your Milque-Toast Dick Dastardly. I think that would be a wonderful gesture of good faith and a carrot before the horse.
I do have a wonderful picture of my husband covered in Pigeons at Tralfagar Square that I would be more than happy to download, however, he is wearing a winter coat, and that might throw suspicion into Mr. Austin Wemba’s situation. Mr. Ujest would want his cut of the money for his participation in this investment.
You could delay Dickie boy getting to South Afrika by stating that his traveling papers from your native country are causing him to be trapped in the airport where he cannot leave and is not now allowed to go anywhere (home or otherwise and cannot leave the airport) until the Consulate is cleared up. And he was able to spend a day or so of freedom before the airport security found him, because of such a large number of people coming through on your poor flight.
You can contact me through my hotmail account, accessible through my SDMB profile.
None of the photos are of people who are likely to be visiting South Africa, especially Johannesburg, anytime soon. (I specifically excluded pictures of my South African colleagues.) However, let me know specifically which photos you want to use. Perhaps we can modify them.
Unfortunately I couldn’t find any usable photos of my own of Lagos. However, you can easily obtain shots of the city using Google Image Search “Lagos Nigeria”:
http://images.google.com/images?q=lagos+nigeria&hl=en&lr=&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&start=0&sa=N
I tried to send you the pigeon images but they were too large to go through. I will modify them and try again.