…and pigeons! don’t forget the pigeons.
You should mail him next as Muttley
Ramping up the tension now…
You need to write PP with a southern drawl.
I bet that soon Mr. Wemba will close the email account.
Somehow Dick must have met up with that internationally-renowned ornithologist and evil genius, Professor Pat Pending, while pigeon-watching in Lagos. He is being held captive in a secret aviary while nefarious bird-type experiments are being performed on his terrified body and mind.
Dear Mr. Austin Wemba,
Please, please please respond to Ms. Penelope Pitstop.
Your fans are on the edge of their seats, tingling with pure excitement.
She has the authority to sign over Dick’s money, don’tcha know. And was convent educated until completing her Masters Degree in Orinthology. She is also the daughter and sole surviving member of her family’s Bath Tub Plug Business fortune.
DEAR GOD, please write back!
We can’t take it anymore.
Yrs. Truly,
Sy Cophant.
Ms Penelope can indeed sign over Richard’s money (particularly as it is in the form of cash), but I have a strong suspicion that the kidnappers are going to demand more than they can collectively afford, making it necessary for Penny to discover the details of Dickie’s abortive business deal with Wemba, and attempt to follow through with it.
Good idea. I recommend carrying out all transfers via homing pigeon.
Regards,
Shodan
Hello Again Mange
Hows the mid Med- Defrags?
Jen says, how about offering a reward for any information to where Mr Dick ‘The Pigeon’ has disappeared to, of course you would require theyre bank details to transfer the cash??!!
What if Penelope got really desperate and decided she was ready to do anything in exchange for information? 
This has been so fun to read today… much better than boring gov’t documents 
Hopefully there will be more to come from scamming the scammer!
Any news? I have gotten hooked on this story. Dagnabbit, I need my Austin Wemba fix!
While we are waiting for word from Wemba, this is a fun read:
The tragic fate of Mr. Loadof Bollocks.
Penelope is even now winging her way to Lagos - she will email Wemba again briefly from an airport internet cafe, while waiting for her connecting flight, then on arrival in Lagos, she will discover, amongst the contents of the hotel room, dickie’s email ID and password - this will enable her to learn the details of the business in hand, she will also discover that for some reason (probably Dickie’s confused mental state) that a ransom demand has been sent to HIS email account by the kidnappers, setting a deadline that has now passed and demanding a huge sum of money. Is Dickie still alive? Stay tuned…
I laughed so hard I sucked an ice cube down a lung.
Now, to work on the ransom note…
This is just great.
Mangetout,
When Penelope arrives in Lagos, she discovers bank statements, and $5000-$10000 USD in Richard’s travel bag.
You could add that Richard mentioned that he wanted to go into his own business, and that he said there was going to be a surprise at their wedding. And, ask ‘Austin’ if he is in the Jewelry/Watch business.
South Africa = Diamonds. Maybe you can spin a tale around that.
Enipla
By the way, good job. Funniest thing I have seen in a long time.
Ahh! Austin where are you?! I like the desperate, almost guilt-inducing tone of Penelope. Try to play that a little more. BTW, this is awesome, Mangetout
If you want a ransom note in Afrikaans, let me know
Tabithina Thanks for the link. Very funny and very frightening at the same time to know this stuff is going on.
On a side note in regards to the link Tabithina provided, it struck me how much fun it is for the scammee’s to make up funny names Dick Dastardly and Loadof Bullocks. What if the scammers names are actual jokes in their own area?
Just a brain fart.
I’ve been folowing this thread and loving it. I fear the reason Mr. Wemba is not replying is because the pigeons of the area got wind of his nefarious plans for our dear Dick, hero to pigeons everywhere, and have wreaked a very, um, messy revenge on this evildoer. They also may have pecked Mr. Wemba’s fingers to bloody shreads and he may not be able to use a computer for a while.
In the meantime, I see I have an e-mail from Dr. Mrs. Miriam Abacha, whose late husband was the Head of State of Nigeria. She has a sum of $30 million dollars she needs assistance in getting. I doubt I can meet the standards set by our Mangetout but I was wondering if anyone would care to “help” her out, Dick Dastardly style? Shall I post her plea for your edification? There’s lots of clever Dopers. Maybe if we can get enough people to reply to these scams that the scammers will find it not as worthwhile as it once was. And we be entertained as well. What do you say?