Funeral masses require more formality than visitations. However, like weddings, the up-and-coming generation has considerably relaxed standards as to what is appropriate to wear at both weddings and funerals/visitations. The last visitation I attended ran the gamut from black suit and tie to short shorts and flip-flops. My personal feeling is that the surviving family members will remember your hug and tears long after they’ve forgotten that you wore flip-flops. So come in your purple shirt or your white shirt – it doesn’t matter to the people who matter.
That being said, I’d go with the purple. I love a man in lavender.
It would help if you know the family’s proclivities. When my elderly uncle died my aunt dressed all in white. She said, “This is a celebration of his life.”
At a recent cousin’s husband’s funeral the whole church was dressed in black including the toddlers! Very nice and stately. And somewhat grim, I thought.
So. Is it a young person or an old person’s funeral? (Makes a difference in the level of grief displayed, I think.) What sorts of folks are they - somber or celebratory? Relaxed or formal?
PunditLisa, I agree with you wholeheartedly! I have no idea what people were wearing at my Dad’s funeral this December, I was just glad to have their love and support. Of course, my dad was a casual kind of guy, so the flip flops, etc. wouldn’t have bothered him at all.
I was at a visitation a couple of weeks ago, dressed smartly in wool slacks, shirt and tie. (No jacket. It was a million degrees out.)
People were showing up in all manner of things. I think I was the only non-family member wearing a tie in fact. Yeah, people have taken casual dress to a whole new low.
My great aunt’s son in law showed up to her funeral in snagged tan polyester pants, a polo shirt, and well-worn hushpuppies. Of course, he was always a slob.
I honestly don’t remember what anyone was wearing at my dad’s funeral, although I expect if something was really out of place (I dunno - sequinned tube top?) I’d probably have remembered that.
I don`t want to dump on anyone’s opinion, but just to get my dissenting view out there… a black shirt would neither be appropriate for a funeral nor look nice with a gray suit.
If you were the type of person who doesn’t own a suit, I think you could certainly wear a black shirt sans jacket and look respectful. Even then, a white shirt and dark tie with dark trousers would be more appropriate. If you do own a suit, don’t wear a black shirt with it unless the person being laid to rest was murdered for snitching to the organized crime unit of the local police department.
Pale purple is fine as long as you have a conservative tie. I wouldn’t do sports coat (too informal)- I’d wear a white shirt and tie with no coat first as oddly it’s more formal than if you wore the sports coat over the same shirt.
Basically the only thing to go for though is “don’t stand out”- red shirts or cowboy hats or whatever. I doubt anybody who’s bereaved will even notice what you’re wearing. It’s not like you’re a head of state (I’m assuming) so it’s pretty much accepted by any reasonable people that not everybody has a closet full of “mourning” suits to choose from.
Pish-posh and poppycock! (Though fair enough, you did say it was your view).
Sadly, I attended a dear uncle’s funeral a few weeks back, and while wearing the kilt was tempting I don’t have proper day-wear to go with it, only the black-tie Prince Charlie, etc, and so instead wore dark charcoal suit, black shirt, black tie, black shoes… But then, Kiwis do seem to have a slightly different view on wearing all-black.
(Funeral itself was an odd melange, Maori welcome, a military bit – it was held in an RSA hall and he was ex-army – and a piper in full get-up).
(Though fair enough, you did say it was your view).