Kelly had to do a book report on “Moby Dick,” and hadn’t read it, so she got Bud to explain it to her, which he did by changing the names and storyline to a Gilligan’s Island episode. Next afternoon, Kelly comes home very late and Bud asks how the report went.
KELLY: I got a three-hour detention. A three-hour detention.
And who had three holes in his tail? 
On Taxi Latka tells his mother he wants to move to America. She tells him, “What do you want to move to America for? America is backwards country. They go to the toilet inside their houses. They eat chickens and keep dogs as pets.”
I’ve guffawed at a couple of “inside jokes” in “Netflix Original” series.
In season 2 of Fuller House, Jimmy Gibbler makes a remark about TV commercials, and then says, “If only we could watch TV without commercials. I’d pay a monthly fee for that!”
In an episode of A Series of Unfortunate Events, Count Olaf remarks that stage acting is a nobler art than, say, streaming television.
KENT BROCKMAN: (Reporting on the “alien invasion”) I, for one, welcome our new ant overlords!
F TROOP
A running gag:
SGT O’ROURKE: Agarn, I don’t know why everybody says you’re so dumb!
**
CPL AGARN:** (Hours later) Who says I’m dumb?!?
Are the 'bots on MST3K considered to be TV characters? If so, then there are most if the funniest ones right there.
One of my favorite Grampa Simpson quotes:
“Marge, you wouldn’t know how to have fun if you were a monkey on a banana boat.”
CHEERS!
Two couples with the same last name are waiting for their table at Melville’s. One couple is greatly obese. Coach calls upstairs to see which couple should go up.
COACH: What’s that? Oh, okay. I got it. (Hangs up phone) I’m sorry, it wasn’t the Andersons. It was the Blubberbutts. (Turns to address the rest of the bar) MR AND MRS BLUBBERBUTT? ARE THE **BLUBBERBUTTS **HERE?
I contributed this one in the 2012 version of this thread.
My favorite Dan Fielding moment was his look of startled recognition when an old woman defendant was revealed to be the hot voice on a sex-over-the-phone service:
:eek:
CHEERS!
Frasier reacts indignantly to a suggestion by Sam:
FRASIER: I’ll have you know I *never * subjected Diane to electroshock treatment when I was her psychiatrist! [PAUSE] Of course, now I wish I had…
(This was **years **after Shelly Long had left the show.)
My favorite Grandpa Simpson line: My son is not a communist! He may be s list, a cheat and a communist, but he’s not a porn star!
HOMER: Now, now. Grandpa was just having a senior moment.
Dang it, too late for edit-- . . .He may be a liar, a cheat and a communist. . .
Now, now. You were just having a senior moment. 
There’s a difference between feck and fuck? :eek: 
On Dharma and Greg, Dharma has a statue of a white bird that she gives to the couple who has sex in the oddest place, calling it the Duck Award. When her strait-laced in-laws end up having sex on the courthouse steps, she gives it to the her mother-in-law, Kitty.
Kitty: It’s not even a duck. It’s a goose. Why do you call it the Duck Award?
Dharma: Because goose doesn’t rhyme.
MOVIE MACABRE
The movie of the week is a Portuguese zombie flick bordering on soft-core Europorn.
ELVIRA: (Just before the commercial break) In Portugal, what do they call women who like other women? Lis-be-ons? 
From Frasier:
Maris’ brother is visiting the Cranes, recounting a near death accident that, allegedly, made him find religion…
Brother (from a wheelchair): It happened when I saw the sign.
Daphne: From Jesus?
Brother: No, from the highway department. It said Dead End. I crashed into it. Then I saw a light.
Daphne: Heaven?
Brother: No, from the CAT scan. Then I heard a voice.
Daphne: The doctor?
Brother: No, God.
Niles, to Daphne: Keep trying, you’ll get one.
(paraphrased)
mmm