Dogzilla, I believe I’d call the cops…sounds like somebody just dumped the body.
Nah. I used to deliver convalescent supplies to assisted living homes. I’ve often seen people who have wheelchairs that they use as walkers. Convenient if you’re having a good day and can walk, because you can pile stuff on the seat.
One guy I delivered to did the same with his garbage or groceries. If he was having a good day, you’d never have known that he was disabled. Usually if he was walking, he’d keep his hands on the handles of his wheel chair, just in case he suddenly felt off balance. He’d never be able to carry anything though – so he always took his garbage out on the seat of his chair.
Lots of old ladies do the same. There are also walkers now that have wheels and fold down seats. Sort of a hybrid between walker and wheelchair.
I’ve never seen anyone take the garbage out clad only in their undies though.
My church owns the parking garage across the street, rents it to a parking-lot company, and gets to have a few spots reserved just for church users. There are signs over those spots that say “Reserved for First Covenant Church. Violators Will be Towed.” Someone had taken a big Sharpie, crossed out “towed,” and written “sent to hell.” 
Unfortunately, that sign’s been replaced.
Two stories, one from today, the other from years ago.
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My son is in cub scouts. I showed up a little early to pick him up and got immediated drafted into helping finish nailing together the birdhouses they were building. Afterwords, I walked around chatting with the other parents, etc. We stopped off at PetSmart to pick up some crickets for our frogs. It was there I discovered my two foot tail of paper towels, attached to my rear by some wood glue.
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I worked at the AMR headquarters years ago. The men’s bathrooms are tiled in shiny black tile(6th floor CP5). The fellow in the next stall to me had a very unusual and distracting method of wiping his ass. As I could plainly see in the tile, he leaned over the toilet, gave his ass a wipe, and immediately flushed the paper. This went on for about a minute. So it was “rustle, rustle, whoosh, rustle, rustle, whoosh…”
One night, during a marathon poker session at the Bellagio, I found myself sitting in a very classy toilet stall. The bathrooms at Bellagio are marvelous… Heck, they’re appointed better than most people’s houses and they have that most elegant of features: the proximity flusher. You know, the one that flushes the toilet when you get up.
Anyhow, like I was saying, I was just sitting there relieving myself when this guy stumbles into the stall next to mine. He’s obviously very drunk and I can hear him fumbling with the paper seat protectors. After about a minute, the paper rustling stops and I hear him shuffle about when suddenly,
“Whooooooosshhh,” the toilet flushed, and I’m assuming it pulled the paper seat cover down with it.
Silence.
More paper rustling…
Shuffling…
“Whoooooooossshh.”
Silence.
More paper rustling…
Shuffling…
“Whoooooooossshh.”
“Gotdamm sumbitch!”
More paper rustling…
Well, you get the picture. I was in real pain trying to keep from laughing out loud. By the time I was finished, he managed to sit down. I couldn’t figure out if he got the seat cover on or just bagged it and let ass-cheek touch porcelain.
That’s kinda funny. I didn’t realize that NotMrKnowItAll’s second story was toilet related as well. Not quite a simulpost, but our minds are definitly on the same track.
There is a hallway where I work that has a medium sized air-vent in it (maybe 18 inches square with a metal screen over it). Apparantly, it is important to have good airflow, because someone made an elaborate, quite attractive 8 1/2 x 11" sign reading:
“No Not Block Air vent”
and attached it directly to the metal screening over the vent.:rolleyes:
I don’t know what is worse, the grammer error, or the fact that the sign itself blocks a good 30 - 35% of the air flow.
MC$E
OMG, that reminds me of something that happened when I stayed at a campsite in Scotland last year. They had a communal toilet/shower block, all very nicely done and completely tiled out. The showers took the form of separate cubicles, all adjoined to each other, with something like a 12" gap underneath each individual partition.
Anyway, I was taking a shower when I happened to notice a reflection in the water on the tiled floor. I could quite plainly see that the guy in the next cubicle was having a wank while taking his morning shower! No doubt being cooped up in a campervan with the kids meant that he wasn’t getting any action from the wife, so he had to resort to a little self-help when he managed to get some “alone time”
At marching yesterday, one of the girls holding the school banner droped her end, the other end was firmly held in the other girls hand, meaning one end of the banner was still off the ground.
Being the geinuses that they are, the color guard managed to trip over the banner taking all of the trombones and flutes with them. It was the greatest resemblance to the Three Stooges that I had ever seen.
Luckily I was standing to the side and got to see the whole thing happen
A couple of years ago I finally got up the courage to propose to the current Mrs. Skammer. After exhanging the ring, and calling our families, taking pictures, etc. we went out to dinner to a Chinese restaurant. We spend the meal setting a date, making plans, etc.
Then the fortune cookies came, and mine said:
“IT IS NOT TOO LATE TO TAKE A DIFFERENT PATH”
Good thing I’m not superstitious.
similar to the wheelchair posts…
while riding the public bus home from school (thank God those days are over) a lady has a wheelchair filled with tons of grocery bags, and unlike the other posts, she could walk very well. This was one of the old buses so the driver has to get up, go to the back of the bus and operate the wheelchair lifter-upper. i don’t remember all the details exactly since it was about a year ago, but this method wasn’t working, so she had to take her bags out of the wheelchair and they were just placed on the floor of the bus. Then the driver had to buckle the wheelchair up, i suppose so it wouldn’t roll around. Actually this wasn’t a very funny story… because we sat there waiting for about 10 minutes.
Another wheelchair story involved an elderly man board the bus in his wheelchair. The bus had the same basic wheelchair lifter that the bus driver had to operate. The guy takes foreverrrrrr to get on and get situated, then the driver had to buckle him up and everything. So his stop comes up, and he gets off the bus through the same process… only to get off the bus, stand up, walk a few steps and dig in the trash can at the bus stop.
Not so funny stories to me at the time, but funny now and to others not in my predicament. Arrrr i guess i dont have too much patience sometimes.