Funniest travel anecdotes?

[Mangetout]

Another luggage conveyor story; I was waiting at the conveyor, which was one of those belt types, made up from crescent-shaped interlocking sections; it entered the arrivals area through a small door with plastic strips to keep out the weather, looped around a bit and exited similarly, I think the airport was Luton.

The area was very crowded and I could see my cases, but I thought it best to wait until the crush subsided a little. One guy, who was rather tall and spindly in build, decided he couldn’t wait and elbowed himself through the crowd, jamming himself in between the people waiting immediately adjacent to the belt. His case arrived (a large, heavy-looking suitcase) and he grabbed it by the handle, but because he was standing with his feet together (because of the crowd), he was immediately pulled off balance.
The sensible thing would have been to let go of the case, regain your balance and wait for it to come around again, but for some reason, he clung for dear life. The case continued to move along the conveyor and he was pulled over, but he couldn’t actually move through the crowd, so he sort of flopped over onto his back on the conveyor, still clinging to the case handle with one hand, unable to right himself as he passed under the plastic flaps and out of sight into the loading area.
I’d love to know what happened next, but at this point, my case came around again and I left.

[BwanaBob]

Back in Germany in 1972 (I was 13) my family went to a carnival. There was a shooting gallery where you shot out wax stalks that held up silly prizes. One was a postcard of a nude woman. I had just got new eyeglasses and was having trouble adjusting to the stronger prescription. My mom just laughed when I attempted to win my prize.

I got it on the first shot.

I yelled out in pidgin German “Ich habe die nackt frau geschissen”.
I should have said “Ich habe die nackt frau geschossen”.

Instead of saying “I shot the naked lady”, I said “I shitted the naked lady”.

Everyone around was laughing hysterically. My mother was mortified. I had no clue; I was just happy I had my nude postcard.

[BwanaBob]

Also-

In Vienna in 1970 we were at an outdoor food market. My mother was hungry so she got on a big line where people were clamoring for this stuff that looked like spam. My dad, brother and I were not hungry so we just waited.
My mom gets her snack and starts eating. Some guy standing next to her nudges her and says (in German of course), “Ummmm! Isn’t this the best horsemeat you’ve ever tasted?”

We still kid her about it.

[irae]

This describes almost perfectly the vast majority of my interactions with strangers in Taiwan.

@China Guy

On one of my first trips into the deep chinese countryside, I asked a couple of peasants (in Mandarin) how to get to the bus station.

peasant1: huh
China guy: which way to the bus station?
peasant2: huh
CG: how do I get to the bus station?
peasant1: huh
CG: where’s the bus station?
peasant2: huh
CG (english): fuck it, I’ll find it myself

as I walked away

peasant1: I coulda sworn that white guy was speaking Chinese and asking what way to the bus station
peasant2: ya, me too, damndest thing huh?

[Sternvogel]

@yellowcakesolid

Tourist walks into a bar and tries his best in Spanish to ask, “I’m looking for the Bay of the Angels.”
Tourist mispronounces Bay of Angels and ends up asking, “I’m looking for the Vagina of the Angels.”
The three Mexicans at the bar reply, “So are we, man.” They continue to laugh so hard that they have to get up and leave.

Before using that in a speech, I’d try to verify that it’s a possible mistake to make in Spanish.

Spanish-speakers write “vagina” as Anglophones do, but pronounce it like “bah-HEE-nah”. The word for “bay” is bahía, pronounced “bah-EE-ah”. A believable story. Wonder if the tourist ever found la Bahía de los Angeles…

[China_Guy]

@irae

This describes almost perfectly the vast majority of my interactions with strangers in Taiwan.

say “ni hao” a couple of times first to get them warmed to the idea you’re speaking their language…usually does the trick.

[China_Guy]

@Helena

I heard this second-hand and so cannot swear to anything.

Apparently there was this (English-speaking) fellow traveling on a train somewhere in China. He was going to drink from a plastic cup, but when he picked it up he realized it was cracked. He said to himself, “That’s a bit poor!” and everyone around him started trying to talk to him, because what he had said sounded just like “This cup is broken” in Chinese.

(Disclaimer–I have asked Chinese speakers about this, and no one could think of a variation of the phrase that would work in Chinese, but it makes a good story.)

Heck, that could work. “po” in Chinese means broken. Not a big stretch from “poor” depending on how your friend pronounced it. Given the context of a broken cup and poor/po…