Funny craigslist personals

[Fubaya]

I like to check out craigslist personals from time to time to see if there’s anything funny posted there.

Here’s a couple recent missed connections in my area.

To the beautiful blond I was chatting with at the Doubletree, I want to reach out to you and apologize for what happened.
I had eaten some bad Mexican food for lunch yesterday, and by 6pm when we were talking, I just started to sweat and realize something was not right. My stomach kept growling like crazy and you asked me if I was hungry, I replied with some nonsense about grabbing some dinner with you, when all of a sudden I farted and completely shit my pants. You stared at me blankly not knowing what to say or do I am sure. I quickly ran to my room and jumped in the shower, where I shit myself yet again.
I also apologized to the cleaning staff, as I had to leave my shitty underwear in a plastic bag in the trash as I couldnt face trying to wash them.
I hope your business meeting went well today and you arent scarred by this. I had to cancel my business meeting for today even though I feel better, as I didnt want to shit my pants again while visiting head office.
If you can get the thought of shitty pants out of your mind and can understand that I dont always shit my pants in public, then contact me.
Put where we were as I exploded so I know it is you

Ps. I bet no one can top this horrible moment.

Looking for someone with the initals of JLM. About 5’ 11, light blue eyes. Tattoos on face. Lots of other tattoos. About 28-29 maybe 30 years old. If your initals are JLM please contact me. Tell me your name and include a pic so I know its you. I miss you so much. And no I’m not mad at you. I think about you all the time. I drive through the apts you used to live in to see if I see you outside I think about going by your mamaws but…

I seen where you were locked up for awhile, I was gonna write you but…

I think you’re out now. I miss you terribly!

I didn’t want you to leave me
Please come home to me

Anything funny in your area?