wierdness and the online personals

This is the funniest thing thats happened to me in a few week, and I had to share it here, since i think a lot of my IRL friends would be judgemental of the whole online personals thing.

I have an ad posted at nerve.com. My long term SO moved out on me (to toronto) in April and around the same time i swiched career tracks and starting working out of my home, so its been sort of tricky to meet people who might be dateable. The SO and i had discovered nerve/salon.spring street, while we were together and when she moved, it seemed like the thing to do. I was never sure if it was going to just be a distraction until i regained my emotional and social equilibrium, or if was a genuinely reasonalbe ay to meet people. Most of my experience there has led me to believe the former is the case.

And way, one of the very few promising interactions I’ve had started when I recieved a “collect call” from this girl. Collet calls are generic, FREE responses to ads that express interst and direct the recipient to the profile of the sender, without allowing them to attach any personal message. You have to pay a buck to send an actual message.

I checked out her profile: (lets call her Thelma) she is cute, likes guiness, the simpsons, john cusack movies, came across as literate and funny, and mentioned being fairly recently out of a long term relationship and looking for people to hang out with. THIS IS EXCELLENT, i thought to myself. So i wrote her back.

We exchanged a few flirty emails, and i was working up to asking her if she wanted to get a drink sometime, when she suddenly, and for no discernable reason, stopped writing me back.

Hmm. ok. I left her alone.

A day or so later, i was working from home and recieved another response to my ad, so i wanderd back to nerve to chck it out, it was nothing promising, but while i was there, i decided to see if anything else was new. I found a pictureless profile for a girl in chicago who was looking exclusively for “PLAY”, (euphamism for “adult fun”), her headline was “Can you satisfy me now?”

i snickered. nothing in the ad let me to think that this person had a brain, and i actually thought it was probably some pervy guy posing as a girl to get off. I wrote back a semi heckling, snarky response, a haiku, actually.

(lets call this one Louise). So louise responds to my snarky response with a surpisingly funny and literate comeback. I laugh and write back and an email correspondece ensues. I ask her why she’s trolling for sex online in the middle of the afternoon, she goes into the heat, and how it always makes her horny… etc… but she’s very funny about it, and is, in an odd way starting to turn me on.

I’ll glaze over the next part, in the interest of not turning this into a Penthouse Forum letter, but we had a fairly down and dirty email exchange that afternoon, complete with digital camera generated visual aides. Totally out of character for me, and as she insisted, for her too. After a couple of hours of this, we both went on our way, alluding vaguely to the possibility of doin’ it again sometime.

Later that afternoon, i was curious about Thelma not writing me any more so I dropped her another casual line saying “where you been?” or something. still hear nothing back. Dissapointed, as i had started to develop something of a schoolboy crush on her.

A few days pass, saturday morning I am online working again, checking nerve, and i get another email from Louise, and the one hand typing begins again. :smiley: Afterwards I ask her if she wants to get together for a beer and potentially move this little fantasy along (again, very not like me, but there was something about the way she wrote that was intriguing to me, and indicative of somebody i could be attracted to). She teased me about it, and said she had no plans tuesday night and that maybe we could get together late that night.

iwrote back that yes, i would like that. And penciled it in, all the while wondring what ever happened to Thelma. Well yesterday, monday, i wrote to Louise to try to firm up our plans for tonight, and afterwards I felt sorta wierd about it, like i wasn’t sure whether i could go thru with such a thing after all and i got to thinking about Thelma, and how cute she had been, and wondering why she had stopped writing me, so i wrote her one final email, saying, basically, “look, i don’t know what happened, or whay we stopped talking, but i was enjoying talking to you and would love to hear back from you, if only to find out why you stopped writing, was it something i said?”

Thelma writes me back that afternoon…
*Bad Hat-

guess who has multiple personalities? I’m not respectable enough to write you as Thelma anymore… hee hee…


I had been had. but in a funny way. the dirty minded lusty sex monster and the sweet innocent school boy crush were one in the same. I’m sure at least a few of you saw that coming, but amazingly enough I didn’t.

But in a way, isn’t that a dream come true? I wrote her back that i thought the whole thing was hysterical, and now wanted to hang out more than ever. She wrote back, and said, sure but only if thers no pressure or expectations. Of course there aren’t. I wrote back and told her so. And proposed a bar near her work to meet at for a drink tonight after we both get off work. Haven’t heard back from her yet, but since its email, i’m not rushing to judgement, hoping that she just hasn’t checked her email yet.

I now have a big crush on her (somewhat irrationally i suppose, but nonetheless), and if we should happen to hook up, or date, or just mess around for a while, i would have the best “how did we meet” story EVER…

I just couldn’t tell the story to anybody, 'cept you guys…

i’ll keep everybody posted

Good luck!

Have fun. Be careful. Yes, both at once.

Please keep us posted, this sounds like it could get juicy hehe. Watch yourself as well.

First of all… Good luck. :slight_smile:

Secondly… you made Sim-Brain go boom. My mom’s name is Thelma and her mom’s name is Louise. Just an odd coincidence but I kept getting hung up on that while reading your post.

Now I need to lie down.

and of course, the ultimate coincidence is that she’s also a doper.

Thelma/Louise, please stand up.

Hey, she drinks Guinness… what could possibly be wrong with her?

Go for it, what do you have to lose other then a single night of your life?

and of course, the ultimate coincidence is that she’s also a doper.

Thelma/Louise, please stand up.[/qoute]

See… now i’m even paranoidabout that being true/ were you joking? or is there something even wierder than i thought going on?

and of course, the ultimate coincidence is that she’s also a doper.

Thelma/Louise, please stand up.[/qoute]

See… now i’m even paranoidabout that being true/ were you joking? or is there something even wierder than i thought going on?

I was joking.

But wouldn’t that be a nice cherry on top of this sundae of coincidences?

Nerd you had me there for a second… seriously. :slight_smile:

Just got an email back from her a few minutes ago. We’re gonna geta drink at 11 tonight. At a bar on belmont.

I’m actually nervous/excited about it, but if i show up to the bar and there are throngs of snickering girls and a blow up print of my dick on the wall, i’m make her pay… :smiley:

pray for me, y’all. i’ll post back tonight or tomorrow morning.

CJ (wishing i could think of an appropriate “yo mamma” joke for Sim)

Uhmm, Bad Hat, I hate to be the one to break this to you, but in addition to also being CJ, I’m also . . .

No. I can’t do that to you, but I couldn’t resist the temptation, either. :slight_smile:

Good luck. FWIW, you’ve made my social life look normal!
(the other) CJ

Bad Hat, that’s AWESOME! Okay, I don’t normally do this, but I just had to subscribe to this thread in order to find out how it all ends. In tears? In laughter? In awkward silence… … … ?

Anyhow, good luck!

That’s pretty cool. Cute, smart, sexy and hot all rolled up into one…and you know it before you meet her in person. Good luck!

Hey, what was the haiku? I’m dying to know.

What a great story, and I must admit that I halfway expected you to say that she was also a Doper in your OP. It’d be pretty damn funny if she were.

So, how was it? Do tell! :smiley:


You are one lucky dude, dude. I just hope it all turns out to be as sensationally salacious as your online communications.

And if you DON’T keep us posted, you’ll be in BIG TROUBLE MATE.

(Maybe we should start an Adults Only forum here…now that could be interesting.)

So, what happened???


Just got home. 4:30 am. thats the sign of the beginning of a good story usually isn’t it?

sheesh, with all the anticipation though, i’m afraid to be anticlimatic.

We hada really great time. Met at the L&L on clark and belmont, i got there a coupld of minutes before she did, and i wentot the bar and tried to order a couple of guiness for us, but they were out.

I took this as a bad omen. But decided to forge on anyhow.

She walked in just as I was contemplating an alternative beer. I gave her the bad guiness news, and she took it in stride. Boddington’s it was. the L&L was a lot more punk rock than i had rememberd it being, and despite a great juke box selection, it was a bit loud.

we sat off in the corner, and any fears I had harbored about the potential awkwardness of looking someone in the eye after such a tawdry exchange were soon melted as we just started to comfortably ramble from topic to topic, not nervous small talk at all, but actual stimulating, interesting exchange. She had never heard of the Dope, thank god, and promised not to crash here, thus allowing me to be candid about things.

We laughed and talked and decided to head on to the next bar, some place a little quieter, so we could actually hear eachother.

We moved on to that little irish pub just north of Diversey on Clark. It was empty, and we sat and continued to talk and laugh and trade horror stories about our ex’s and the freaks that populate nerve, and all of our bad date experiences. She told me after a while that i was not what she was expecting and that she was slightly worried that I would turn out to be a sex obsessed perv.

I reassured her than i am infact a sex obsessed perv, but that that doesn’t make me incapable of actually having fun on a date, and when all is said and done, I’m also a fun, good conversation, and flirty chemistry obsessed perv.

We hit the road after a few beers at the pub and i started to walk her home, when i mentioned that her neighborhood was the first part of chicago i ever saw, as I stayed there one week while visiting the city and staying with a friend. I told her i had eaten about a meal a day at Grannie’s Diner, and as we had both had a coupld of beers by this point, she suggested we get some breakfast there!!!

We did. It was great. Then she mentions how great the view is from her balcony. and invites me up to see it :D.

She has a cute little lincoln park 1 bedroom. We went out on the balcony and she did indeed have a really great view, and the night was really gorgeous, so we sat out there and talked for a bit and just looked at the sky. It was realy nice.

We came in and sat down on her bean bag chairs and just kind of had a moment, kissed, and then looked at eachother, smiled and kissed again.

IN the interest of “raising the tone of the board” and also in the interest of not being an asshole, i’ll flash forward an hour at this point. Suffuce to say, we had a nice evening. I had to go home, as i have a client coming over early tomorrow morning, but i was seriously entertaining staying, and told her as much.

Then we had a vaguely awkward moment of realizing that despite our could of weeks of online courtship, we had essentially just had casual “relations”. Not the norm for either of us.

But it was strange, cuz in a way it felt like we had been working up to it for a while, between the email play and the email getting to know you stuff, so in the end it wasn’t terribly awkward, though she said that the felt simultaneously really wonderful and vaguely disgusted with both of us for this transgression. I said i understood, and Indeed i do. I’m not sure it was the best idea, but at the tim, it had none of the atmosphere of casual sex, and all of the feeling of the culmination of a couple of weeks anticipation and flirting. (which i guess by some estimations is still “casual”, but its not AS casual as first date sex, ya know?)

I got her phone number and last name (HA), as well as confirmation that her real name was infact the one that she had given me online. And we set a date to get some sushi saturday night.

It was a lot of fun. And i am in a good mood right now, though if I have any nagging conccern its that her demeanor (perhaps inevitably) took a turn towards the “romantic”, and “dreamy eyed”, and away from the fun, laughing, wisecracking flirtiness, that had been so attractive initially. I’m excited to see more of her, but i doubt either one of us is really up for a serious thing right now, so i am hoping that we can sustain the playfulness and lightness for a while.

I know i sould like a stereotypical guy, but this is coming 3 months out of a long term, living together, relationship, and i’m not in any hurry to go back there, and initially she seemed to adamantly feel the same way. I’m hoping that it stays that way for now.

But it was a blast… and she’s great.

And thanks y’all for your support. I wish it was as exciting as pyjama pants girl, but there it is… :slight_smile:

and yes we were “safe”…

and I am tired and need sleep now.

See yall in the mornin’.

(who will now respectfully cease using “CJ” as my sig, in deference to my esteemed colleague, cjhoworth)

I would like to add, preemptively…

There were only about 3 beers each involved, there was a full dinner between the beers and the return to her apartment, there was a good half hour of talking and playing around before the commencing of any “relations”, at the start of which, we very lucidly discussed the pro’s and cons, and she jumped me anyway. Not that i was batting her off or anything.

I don’t share this info to brag, but these days, sadly, a guy’s gotta cover his bases. None of the slight “second thoughts” we had were alcohol induced, they were just a product of the rather unprecedented (for us anyway) dynamic, and the slight unease to which it leant itself.

peace y’all
Chris (who just got his new Ameritech phonebook today, only to find his first name listed as “Christ”- let the prank calls begin)

I love happy endings. :smiley:

It’s funny that you should mention pyjama pants girl, because that was I immediately thought of after reading the OP. Last time I checked, I’d killed that thread. I sincerely hope this doesn’t turn out to be a recurring karma thing :frowning:

nah, you won’t kill it. :slight_smile:

I like hearing about happy endings. Good luck, you two crazy kids!

Please, keep the sig. I like it, obviously. I’m glad you two hit it off so well. As for feeling like you two knew each other already, I can see feeling that way about some people on this board. After all, in some ways, we’re already learning the important things.

Good luck both with the girl and the prank calls! :rolleyes: