I had a g/f who left me for a man she met online. She had never met him in person but she got a new apt and paid to fly him in from IL to CA. They were together for 5 weeks before he disappeared. He didnt assault her or steal anything. He just used her. This guy she later finds out, hops from woman to woman who can afford to support him for a month or two then moves on. As soon as the woman starts griping about him being unemployed hes on his way to the next one.
She tried to come crawling back to me (who told her she could come back when the $1100 phone bill she racked up talking to him for hours a day for almost 2 months was paid off. She never did come back. Eh good riddance.
I personally have been tangled up with several psychos but nothing really bad. Worst one being one that would show up at my job wating for me to have a break so she could talk to me. On a daily basis. She would sit around for 5-6 hours sometimes for those little bits of time. Well that and one non internet psycho, my neighbors icky, nasty, ugly, rather fuck Janet Reno, crack-ho wife who would knock on my windows at 4am and beg me to have sex with her.
Dating nightmares? Just my pathetic attempts at trying to meet women online, and to be honest, it doesn’t even make for a good dream.
I’m moderately attractive, and I don’t have any traits that scream “stay away” – I’m professionally employed, graduate degree, still have all my hair, above the median height for a male in my age group in the United States, and so on. Online, I’ve got a good photo and a very articulate, witty profile, that makes it clear I’m not necessarily looking for “boobies on a stick.”
When I reply to another personal ad, I don’t send form letters – I spend 30 minutes to an hour composing something that is articulate, witty and not necessarily focusing on me, me, me – I talk about the qualitied that I liked in her, and why I think we share a similar mindset. I pursue peer women “in my league,” not XFL cheerleaders or “power women” with matching criteria that JFK Jr. or Brad Pitt couldn’t meet.
Do I get any results? Nope. Nothing. Nobody ever writes back. My replies gets blasted into the ether of cyberspace, along with the chain letters and Nigerian banking scam solicitations. In the past 30 days, I’m around 0 for 10, not even a “sorry, not interested” line.
I’m at the point now where I’m thinking about placing another ad, along the lines of …
PENIS FOR SALE. Barely used 1966 Caucasian model, circumsized. Good size and shape; never any complaints. Disease free, no mechanical problems or visible flaws. Never driven on the Hershey Highway. Highest bidder gets it.
Oh Damn I should know better than to read the SDMB at work. Now I’ve just confirmed everyone’s suspiscions that I work with, that maybe I am a looney, from chuckling out loud for no apparent reason!
But I know your pain! Never any response, not even a “Hi, get the $#@% Lost” or anything, and it’s not like i’m Mr. Grotesque or anything. Oh well, that just means that all the shallow idiots have ignored me!
A) Unless you are at a site that makes you pay per mailing, stick to simple winks and short emails. Try to guide them to your profile in as few words as possible since that is where you sell yourslef. An essay may seem nice, but a short personal reply commenting on a mutual interest will likely work as well and will frustrate you less. If you overdo it at forst I think some women might get a bit creeped out. Remember that if you have described yourself well in your profile, then the women will make the connections with just a hint or two, not a comparitive essay on both of your lifestyles.
B) Don’t take a lack of reply personally, there’s some guys who just send out a form letter to everything that shows up without a penis. Women can get a little overwhelmed by the repsonses. Put yourself in their position, would you like to reply to a bunch of people you were not attracted to in the least?
C) Watch out for code-words like “professional man” or “career driven”, these are folks out for a hubby with a high salary. They will go for the guys who put “MBA” into their nickname, so don’t bother unless you can. Men’s profile’s use code-words to, but the meaning there is that they want someone with a hot body. Its probably frustrating for both genders…you read someone who you think will be areal nice person to meet and then that bit of shallowness just jumps right up.
D) Take advantage of the shallowness. Make jokes about all the MBA dodo’s that are filling her email box if she is the type who might enjoy that. If you can make her laugh in two lines it is a hell of a lot more effective than long drawn out commentary.
E) Since we’re in the pit: Fuck, Shit, Piss, Crap, and all the other filthy words I know.
elmwood, I’ve had a few dates and even more responses from online dating. From what you wrote, I think I’m like you… looking for someone intelligent and not out for just sex.
Here’s what I’ve learned: You won’t find it on the internet. This is a sweeping statement, but from what I’ve seen, it’s true. Once you accept that, your frustration will go away. Although if you’re like me, it’ll only come back once you try to figure out where a decent guy is able to meet such a woman. I still haven’t figured it out, so lemme know if you come up with anything good.
Also, if you plan on forging ahead online, what Mr.M said is true. These women have to read through tons of emails from guys every day; most are probably not the sort you’d take home to meet mom. Short, upbeat, and to the point, with a reference to your profile seems to work best. Whatever you do, don’t sound desperate. Women like cocky attitudes and hate desperation.
I met someone on-line. She was rel nice. The only problem was I’m 5’8" and she was 6’5". She forgot to tell me that. We’ve gone biking and such, but it’s not gonna work.
I’ve prtty much stiruck out on every on-line dating site I can find on the internet. It’s gotten so when I send something, I don’t even expect a reply. if I get one, I’m as surprised as I can be.
I don’t think that’s the answer. When I read elmwood’s post I had to double check to make sure I hadn’t written it myself, except that the messages I’ve sent have been rather brief. And not a peep in reply.
But at least your not wasting 30-60 minutes on each one.
I’ve had some modest success with online dating. But there’s long periods of dry spells. I found it was easier to simply bring myself to the forefront of their attention without be a showoff “LOOK AT ME” deal. I tried the long essay and the short 3 liner. I found the greater success and lower frustration was when I did short comments. If they didn’t reply, then the heck w’em, at least I didn’t waste gobs of time and add to an overall frustration level.
The idea is to make a comment to get a comment back. You’re breaking the ice, not telling her why the two of you should spend the rest of your lives together.
Ahhh…online dating, I’ve had some whacky adventures in the overgrown jungle that is online dating alright.
Like the guy I was talking to for a couple of weeks and was just starting to like and then I did a search on his nickname in Google and found out that…Gasp! he was already freakin’ married! With two kids! and he had the saccherine website to prove it! (with awful tinny midi which added insult to injury)
Then there was another guy I was talking to and was just starting to like when suddenly he sends a letter saying “I don’t want or need a relationship sorry for wasting your time blah blah” And I was like yeah I’m sorry for wasting my time too, thanks for taking my hope and increasing fondness for you and throwing it on the floor and shitting
all over it you miserable human cumbubble! (I was really upset there for a while, pathetic I know)
And then there was the guy that I actually met, much against my better judgement and just Could Not Keep His Hands To Himself ™ and wanted to go to a hotel room with me and have what he termed “a night of passion”. Hm. No thanks, if I’m going to have any nights of passion it is going to be with someone I actually like thankyou!
Well anyway after many milennia (well 4 months) of laughter tears and happy abject misery I have now found a winning candidate! And I am now-hey! in a relationship!! Woo-hoo! I am so freakin’ smug now!-he’s a bit too keen on range rovers but what can you do?
Plus I also got a really kickass online friend out of it too (Hi Russell!)so the advantages definitely outweigh the bad stuff. And it isn’t true that you can’t find love online, it is hard and it is probably not the best option but it is possible, 'cause I just did it! (and my friend Russell has too in the past, not that that is a very scientific survey or anything…)
And I would reiterate, guys don’t take it personally when a woman doesn’t reply, with the gender imbalance on online dating sites, women get literally hundreds of replies. It is impossible to reply to them all. And you know if you send out thanks but no thanks messages you are inevitably going to get “but why nooooot?” and messages calling you a bitch and whining about all their failed relationships and how it is your fault, personally. (this is only a minority of men, unfortunately the decent majority of men have to suffer for the minority of anuses-with-penises, sorry guys! it sucks I know.)
I have met some absolutely amzing fantastic wonderful women on the internet. Funny thing is, I was not meeting them in a quest to find a date.
I for the most part drop in chat rooms when I have free time and have no books in the homestead I want to read. It takes a great deal of time to find someone interesting to talk to. When I do I can spend hours talking about any and everything. After a while, sometimes weeks or months of just talking and being friends it progresses into meeting in person. I even once met a lady in St Petersburg Russia after 3 years of corrospondance. She is still a very good and special friend to this day. I tend to go the make friends and see what happens later. I can never have enough friends.
I have also had women from distant countries respond to a personal ad I have. The past two exchanged e-mails with me for months then professed they wanted to come visit me here in America. It seems that the scam is to ask for “help” in buying a ticket. They would request a sum under 1K to help them get everything arrainged. 1K is the limit line for an ID check at Western Union. When I professed I could not help they quickly quit writing. There are good ones and bad ones out there.
Elmwood, would you like to post a link to your profile and have us critique it for you? (If that’s kosher with the mods, of course.) I think you need to stick it out with the online thing - I met my fiance that way. Wading through all the frogs was worth it to find the keeper.
I was thinking of something like Abusive Alcoholic Seeks Sexy Servant
31 yo SWM needs wife to cook, clean and care for him while I am out “with the boys” you must have a good job because I can’t hold one long with my social schedule. Sex with me will be the most incredible 37 seconds of your life, that is when I’m not too drunk to get it up. Multiple divorcees with low self esteem a plus. Must have fast computer, big perky breasts, and a jaguar. Send picture of jag, picture of breasts and computer specs to Drachillix@snotmail.com.
I met Brad in a chatroom, talked to him on the phone a lot and he decides to visit relatives in California. He flys from Chicago, checks into a motel here for 6 days. Says to pretend he is from the next town over, never mind how far he’s come for a date with me, no pressure. I meet him in a very public restaurant, he follows me to a nightclub that all my friends frequent on Thursday nights, so I feel very safe. He won’t dance with me. On Friday we visit a park and talk a lot. Saturday night I meet him for dinner and he pulls out a bottle of Viagra. Interesting on several levels, but not what I had in mind. He calls me on Sunday morning saying he really has to get back to his business in Illinois and doesn’t think we’re compatible. Overwhelmed with relief, I agree and now I have an internet dating story. (Don’t tell my mother, she’ll freak.)
Featherlou hit the head on the nail… You have to wade thru lots of bad to find anything good.
Patience percistance and ability to put up with slow results will work.
Now, if your wanting to get online to find a sex companion
That is a freaking cake walk.
I find the married middle ages women are the easiest to pick up for such a situation.
They (In my opinion) are more likely to be feeling emotionally neglected at home and wiling to step out on their man.[Afflack]I find them open to suggestion where I can then fuck them in an uncomfortable place[/afflack]
Osip, please tell me your last post was a joke. Your advice is to take advantage of emotionally vulnerable women just to get some sex? Please tell me you’re joking. If you’re not, I’ve just lost any respect for you I may have had.
