A friend just pointed me in the direction of craigslist personals. I looked at the Seattle listings for women-seeking-men and couldn’t believe my eyes.
Now, I didn’t expect things to be good. But one had a title like “Barbie seeking my Ken”. Oh, Lord! Another features a woman straightforwardly saying that she wishes to be pampered. Another said "i find myself attracted to tall athletic white boys lol ".
Do these personals actually reel people in? Why are there so many personals like this? Are these people just stupid?
What sorts of terrible personal ads have you seen?
A newspaper in Tucson would carry ads from the Sheik of Swat. He wanted females with “round bottoms” so he could smack the dust off 'em. I adored his ad and so wanted to call him But unfortunately was scared for my life and soul, and my “round bottom”. Plus was in a relationship.
For women, honestly I don’t think it matters. Granted they may not get the cream of the crop of men responding to them, but I guarantee they will still get plenty of responses.
One I saw recently was from a woman looking for a man with lots of money who could take proper care of her. No outstanding female attributes were listed, apart from greed. She did mention that she really enjoyed casino gambling.
Another was from a “full-figured woman” whose preferred activities were staying at home watching TV, plus going out to eat. Well duh.
I’m not seeing the “terrible” part - if a woman wants a man to take care of her and pamper her, and a guy answers the ad because he wants a woman to take care of and pamper, I’m not seeing the downside.
“Nice Single White Male but not boring, can be professional and courteous, prefers to be damn wierd seeks emotional honest woman with her own style. Cause dude I would totally boink Jane Goodall.”
Back in the days when personal ads were still in newspapers, I saw an ad in a paper where each entry ended with the town of the person. For instance, one might read
SWM seeks F
32yo man loves walks on beach
partying til midnite
Rainbows football
Boston
The one that cracked me up said something like
SWF looking for love
RU my match? 34yo seeks generous man
who can pamper her Must like dogs
I am kind and trusting
Smoker
Overweight
Marblehead
I still remember one I saw years ago in the local alternative free weekly rag. It was all normal and everything until it took a sudden bizarre turn at the very end. Paraphrasing, except for the last sentence, which is verbatim:
“SWF, 27. Non-smoker. Introverted, good sense of humor, laid-back. Likes dinners out, scary movies, and outdoor activities. Looking for LTR with a tall, non-smoking single male, 25-35, race unimportant, with similar interests who can make me laugh and carry on an intelligent conversation. No drug users. Must like finger puppets.”
I was reading and thinking “Hmmm… sounds interest- wait, WHAT???” Was “finger puppets” code for something that I was unaware of, maybe?
Hey, since nobody’s looking for a puppeteer in today’s wintry economic climate, he probably doesn’t want that to be a problem in his relationship, too.
Book nerd alert: If you like odd personals be sure to find They Call Me Naughty Lola, a collection of personal ads that have appeared in the London Review of Books over the years. Two short samples:
“My hobbies include crying and hating men. F., 29.”
“Baste me in butter and call me Slappy. No, really. M., 35.”
Possibly the shortest of all time (if you’ve seen a shorter, let us know) from the same collection:
Do NOT copy and paste if you are underage, or have tender sensibilities. It’s dirty, it’s hilarious, and even most men will laugh at other men failing at writing a good personal ad.
But unfortunately was scared for my life and soul, and my “round bottom”. Plus was in a relationship.