Funny, I Thought Slavery Was Illegal In The US (long)

The BBQ Pit
1

Okay, this is going to be kind of rambling as I’m tired, but I’ve got to get this off my chest.

Tonight, at work, someone suggested that the group of us go to the Waffle House just down the street when we got off. A good idea, since we put in a twelve hour day and some food and coffee would keep each of us awake as we drove home. All of us are really psyched about this since it’ll give us a chance to socialize and bitch about the one boss we all hate. We get to Waffle House, and I notice that the only who isn’t there is Courtney. She’s got the longest drive of any of us and had been saying that she was really hungry towards the end of the night. I asked someone if they knew if she was coming or not.

“Nope.” They said. “Her husband won’t let her.”

Yep, that’s right. Her husband wouldn’t let her join us for dinner, because he couldn’t be there to make sure that she wouldn’t cheat on him! Not because she ever has in the past, but because he’s a paranoid fuckwad who thinks that a woman will screw any man who asks her. Why do women put up with this shit? Why do they let some small dicked motherfucker tell them what they can and cannot do with their life?

I just don’t get it. I’ll admit that I’ve been a shit to some of my girlfriends in the past, but I have never told them, “You can’t do ______.” Never. Why do women let men tell them they can’t do something, when they know damn good and well that he’ll do it without a second thought!?! I cannot, for the life of me, comprehend how they can stand such a life! Especially, when it means that their life will be reduced to little more than sitting around the house waiting on their husband hand and foot.

I worked with one other woman like that. Her name was Karen. She was a bright, intuitive, country girl who married her high school sweetheart the day after graduation. Everyone liked Karen, she was hard working, intelligent, and very relaxing to be around.

At that job, there was also a bunch of us who’d go out Friday mornings after work (we were third shifters), eat breakfast at this little country cafe, bitch about work and swap gossip. When Karen joined the team, we all invited her along. She couldn’t go, of course, because she had to be home when her husband woke up.

Karen was beautiful, I mean, really beautiful. Not model beautiful, but an honest beautiful that will no doubt still be there when she’s 80. It was invigorating and relaxing to be around her.

Now, our team was a small, tightly knit group, that cut-up with one another and made jokes, which if you didn’t know us, could seem offensive. Karen fit in perfectly with us. She could be shockingly naive at times, and still manage to come up with a zinger that’d have the rest of us in awe.

I, of course, made very light sexual jokes with her (and the other women on the team) and Karen would always have just the right comeback. Then, one day, we both realized that the jokes we were making with one another, weren’t jokes. There was a chemistry that was starting to gel between her and I.

Now, I admit, I’ve been with a few married women, but I’ve always convinced them to stay with their husbands. Always. I’ve had too many girlfriends ripped from me by some sleezeball to take someone elses wife or girlfriend away from them. (Yeah, yeah, I know, a bit of a double standard, bear with me please.)

The temptation with Karen was great, I’ll admit. She was one of the best looking women to ever show an interest in me, and I hadn’t had a date in over a year. Then Karen’s husband’s work schedule changed. Now, he was no longer going to be home when she got off from work, Karen started joining us for our Friday morning breakfasts.

At those breakfasts, I and the other members of the team, found out what Karen’s marriage was like. It was mainly Karen watching her husband play videogames and her chatting with people on the internet. Many of the things she told us about her husband indicated that he was a brute (he never hit her, though) and had quite probably cheated on her in the past (and mostly likely still was, IMHO as he made her call home if she was leaving work early). Gradually, as the breakfasts progressed, the other members of the team would find excuses, lots and lots of flimsy excuses to clear out early and leave Karen and I talking with one another. Which we would do for hours.

Then one day, Karen and I were standing out by our cars, the last to leave as usual, talking and I realized that she wanted me to take her home with me. She didn’t come out and say it, but it was all there in her phrasing, body language, and tone of voice. I knew that if I took her home that day, she’d leave her husband and never look back. By the time I left (alone), I was shaking with desire. I spent that weekend in agony, debating what I should do. Finally, I decided that I wasn’t going to sleep with her. If she left her husband for me, then it would be nothing but trouble. The divorce would no doubt be nasty, and everytime something went wrong in the relationship, she’d be reminded that I was the reason she was divorced. (And I’ll never have anything to do with another married woman again! Unless she’s my wife.)

It turned out that she’d come to the same conclusion. We both settled into our new roles a little uneasily. But Karen was wonderful. She was the guiding force in my hooking up with Sarah, and when that relationship crashed, she helped me keep myself together and even tried to find me someone else.

Eventually, the breakfasts ended as the team broke up, Karen switched shifts because her husband insisted that she work the same hours as him (even though it meant she’d have to take a big pay cut) and I quit that job and moved on.

Still, when I hear about women like Courtney, I have to wonder if I made the right choice that day. Yeah, I know, thing’s probably wouldn’t have lasted very long between Karen and I, but at least she’d be free of that asshole and could find someone who’d respect her.

2

Without getting real deep into an analysis, let me just say that I am a woman and I have never but up with the “man owns the woman” bullshit.

So the real question is why so some women allow this.

I don’t know. I just can’t understand the mindset.

But even if you had gotten that gal away from her asshole husband, most likely after you broke up she just would have have found another one. People tend to make the same mistakes over and over when chosing a mate.

3

I can’t understand the whole “man owns the woman” thing either. I know I don’t put up with this bullshit, but my best friend was almost in a similar situation a few years ago when she was with this total arsehole (thankfully she woke up to herself).

However, I do not consider this kind of male domination to be the same as slavery.

4

true ninevah, not a slavery issue.
Tuckerfan, funny this is the same subject I had during lunch yesterday. Broomstick is right when saying some women allow this, but I wish to also add so do some men.
Some people allow someone else to control their lives for various reasons. The only one time I have seen such control is because the person being controlled was done so slowly and didn’t realize the direction their compromises were taking. They had felt staying home all the time or not see their friends as much was worth being with the controlling person.

5

Gee, I wonder where they get these ideas from?

Jeb Bush names evangelical Christian to head child welfare agency :

6

There are probably just as many women out there who will not allow their husbands to go out after work too. I don’t think it is strictly a “man thing”. Both sexes can get fairly controlling.

7

I agree with sezyou that women can be just as bad with their controlling. Here’s an example.

8

Woah woah woah…that example is Pre-DougAB but man, it sure proves the point.

9

As someone who got out of that type of relationship just before things turned really nasty, a few thoughts.
After my divorce, I went through a long period of time when I was very vulnerable. Unfortunately, I met an absolutely gorgeous, intelligent, insanely controlling, probably homocidal man. I dunno, after three Long Islands, he seemed okay, you know?
It happened slowly…at first he was just considerate and concerned about me, or so it seemed. Gradually, it got worse, but I acclimated to each new change, so no single demand seemed that much over the top. Within 6 months, he expected me to be home EVERY time he called, he decided when I would/would not come over/have sex/visit my friends/you name it…pretty much, he called the shots. All of them.
Eventually he made veiled threats to kill me, and I managed to end the relationship safely (by bugging the shit out of him until he dumped me)…but I have no doubt that IF he has another woman in his life now, he is totally controlling in EVERY sense of the word.
When things go awry on a very gradual basis, it’s very easy to let things slide, until all of a sudden you find yourself stuck (at least in your own eyes) in a horrible situation. I’m still amazed at myself that I let it happen, but it sure gives me some insight on how other people end up in those shoes.
I’ve also known women who, due to whatever emotional issues they have themselves, don’t feel “loved” unless someone is controlling and jealous. My ex-bestfriend (don’t ask) once remarked, on breaking up with a boyfriend, “He doesn’t LOVE me enough to hit me.” Sad stuff.
~karol

10

To my mind, it is nearly as bad as slavery. While the passive one in the relationship isn’t bought or sold, and can’t be beaten/killed without fear of prosecution, they do subjugate their lives to that of an another. The fact that the subjugation is voluntary (at least in the beginning) has no bearing on the matter. After all, if a mentally ill person commits a crime because of their mental illness, they’re actions are criminal and society does combine punishment with treatment.

And I have known of a few men who were in situations similar to the ones I’ve described with women, and I found those cases equally infuriating. It just seems that more women get trapped in these situations than men do and it infuriates the hell out of me.

11

here here sezyou…

It’s not so bad over in bobo-land, I’m perfectly allowed to go out shooting pool with the guys… note that “the guys” portion…

My wife tends to be a little ‘protective’ of me, especially when female friends are involved. I don’t know if it’s a statement about her thinking I’m good-looking and women must throw themselves at me, or thinking I’m a lecherous piece of shit. It’d be nice if she trusted me a little more, but oh well…

actually, thinking about it a little more… she should encourage me to hang out with female friends more than my male friends, atleast they’d give me dirty looks if I was flirting with some woman (“aren’t you married?!?” kind of looks), as opposed to my male friends encouraging such behaviors… hmmmm…

In defense of Mrs. bobo, she’s getting better… She actually didn’t freak out at me when one of the people I mentioned possibly playing pool with tomorow was female, so maybe there’s hope. :wink:

12

I’m with you on this one, Tuck. When you get down to the reasons that slavery is bad, it is because one person is subjugated to the wishes of another and has their human freedoms taken away, and that is very similar to what happens in an abusive/controlling relationship. An abused woman (or man) is technically free to leave the relationship, but as we all know, there are intangible reasons for people to have trouble leaving relationships like this - the controlling partner may control all the finances, he/she may threaten loss of child visitation, he/she may threaten the life of the partner who wants to leave; also, controlling people work to break down the self-esteem of their partner, until their partner believes that they deserve the treatment they get, and don’t even conceive of a better life. My advice to you in this situation, Tucker, is to find a pamphlet for a local shelter for abused women and leave it on your co-worker’s desk. She might toss it, and she might read it and keep it for the day when she has had enough.