So I was supervising recess this one time when one of the kids (he’s eight) comes up to me with a smile.
Kid: Guess what? I’m going to my grandparents this weekend.
Me: That’s nice, is your brother coming too?
Kid: No, he’s going to be at my other grandparents.
Me: So where are your parents going to be?
Kid: At home. They like to be alone together, in their room.
Me: I bet they do.
He gives me a puzzling look and goes back to playing with his friends.
A truly unexpected laugh came last night, as a completely impromptu “Stranger Danger” talk presented itself. We were watching Supernanny (my 5 year old LOVES to critique the bad parenting on the show) and Jo gave a straight shootin’ answer to a 14 year old who didn’t like her curfew. “There are men out there who would grab you, stick you in the back of their car and drive off!” (paraphrased.)
I’m thinking, uh oh. Heavy viewing for a 5 year old. Sure enough, she’s sitting stock still on the couch with wide eyes. So she turns to me and says, “There are some bad guys out there, but not a lot.”
“You’re right. What would you do if a bad guy tried to grab you?” I asked
She thought about it for nearly a minute.
“I’d *hurt *him,” she growled like a Mafioso.
LOL. I have no doubt. We talked a little more about how it’s totally okay to hit and kick (and she added, “and scratch!”) and scream if a Bad Guy grabs you, and then some more about how there aren’t very many Bad Guys, so it’s good she has a plan, but won’t probably ever need to use it, and then she started jumping on the couch and the conversation was over.
But still…“I’d *hurt *him.” Priceless. The confidence of a 5 year old Princess, that is.
LOL, go WhyKid - give 'em the clamps!
MY friend had the following conversation with her little girl, who is 5
Little girl: Mommy your hair is turning brown and grey.
Mommy: My roots are just showing.
Little girl: (looking at Mommy’s feet) I don’t see any roots
I’m a grad student in a clinical program, and got into a discussion/argument with an 8-year-old boy:
Me: So you’ll be 9 in January, right?
Him: Yeah.
Me: That’ll be fun. 9 is a cool age.
Him: I don’t like it. It’s soooo hard! I have so much to worry about!
Me: :rolleyes: Yeah, me too. It can be hard being an adult.
Him: I have it worse!
Me: Really, you think so?
Him: Yeah, like I have to worry about school!
Me: Me, too. And I have to pay bills, and do all my own cooking and cleaning, and lots of other stuff. Sometimes I think it would be awesome to be 8 again.
Him: Yeah, but do you have to worry about getting in trouble from your parents?
Me: Well, no. Not any more. I get to make big mistakes all on my own now.
Him: See? Do you have to worry about pizza in the refrigerator going moldy??
Me: 
Uh, no. I usually throw it out way before that happens.
Him: SEE? I HAVE IT WORSE!!
My Brownie Guide unit were having a conversation a few days after the election. “My dad voted for Tony Abbott.” “My mum voted for Julia Gillard.” “My dad says he voted for Fat Cat.” There was a puzzled silence. Finally, one girl said “But a cat can’t govern! It’d just meow!”
Just had a new one yesterday:
I’m driving the little Torqueling over to my parents’ house for breakfast (Gramma makes French toast on Sundays, yay!). She’s in the back, showing off how high she can count, then counting backwards. After counting backwards for a while, she pauses, then asks, “Daddy, how do you count side-to-side?”
Oh yeah, kids are indestructible in their own minds. I’m a prosecutor, and the only way to make that understandable to a three year old is, “I put bad people in jail.”
Of course, she wants to help. “I’ll put bad people in jail with you, Daddy!” “Really?” “Yep! I’ll just pick 'em up and throw 'em in jail! And say, ‘NO NO, bad people!’”
A very, very long time ago when I was a teenager I babysat a little boy of, I don’t know, maybe four? Anyway, he was very proud to show me he could count to 20 - but he could only do it backwards. So I asked him how he learned to do it, and he said “From the microwave!”
Kid’s gonna solve Goldbach’s conjecture.
Not sure where this came from but the youngest (2 year old boy) knows for a fact that chipmunks eat dragons.
My middle child (now 4) used to say crocodiles only ate pirates (She’s a fan of Peter Pan).
The middle child also has a fictitious grandmother that she has made up. According to her, “My grandma has everything.” Anything that she wants, but does not have, her grandma has, except for a bird you can paint and a pink bunny rabbit. We are supposed to get those for her.
From my 2.5 year old today: “Mommy, you peed in the potty, just like a big girl! You get a stamp!” She was very proud of me.
They keep on rolling in.
We’ve been playing Hide and Seek for the last couple of days. She has a new, ingenious strategy: “Daddy, you count, and then look everywhere, but not behind the couch.”
My son does stuff like this, too. He can’t stand the suspense of waiting to be found, so he’ll pop his head or arm out and yell “I’m right here!”
When my nephew was potty-training, he saw my brother eating M&Ms. He said, “You pooped, Dad! Good job!”
The other day, my four year old was having some problems in the bathroom and called me in to help him wipe. As I’m doing that, I hear him say under his breath, “showoff.”
My hide and seek games only ever lasted a half hour or so. You and your family have some serious dedication to the game.
The hide and seek story reminds me of playing I Spy with my son when he was younger.
Him: “I spy with my little eye…something green.”
Me: “Is it the leaves on the tree?”
Him: “No”
Me: “Is it that house?”
Him: “No”
<goes on for a bit>
Me: “Can you give me a hint?”
Him (very slowly): It’s…some…thing…green.
Oh, ok, then. Roger that.
Overheard on the street:
5-6yr old boy “but mom I used the golden rule. Do unto others as you want them to do to you”
Mom “If you hadn’t hit him he wouldn’t have hit you”
boy “I wanted him to hit me”
mom"why?"
Boy "so I could hit him back harder (it is necessary to point out the tone of this was clearly suggesting that he couldn’t believe how dumb Mom was)
Mom (I have no idea what she said next as I was laughing too hard to breathe and I stopped in order to not encourage the budding sociopath)
A friend told me a very similar story- in the public bathroom stall with young son, son says “Daddy, you have a really big penis!” and then adds, “and you’re really tall!!”
Friend and son walk out of the stall to chuckles from the other guys present, who see that Friend is actually only about 5’5".
My teenage niece and I took my 3 and 5 year old nephews to the zoo. The entire walk from the parking lot to the gate the 3 y.o. told us over and over we had to see “polar bears and gorillas, polar bears and gorillas.”
Just inside the gate there were three or four polar bear statues set up to pull a Santa sleigh. The boys played around the display and posed for a few photos before we started walking around.
When we stopped for lunch my niece pulled out the map and pointed out a path that would take us past the polar bear exhibit and straight to the ape house.
“You still want to see polar bears and gorillas, right Frack?”
He pointed out the window to the display and replied, “We saw polar bears already.”
“Yeah, the statues, but don’t you wanna see the real ones?”
Frack stared us in shock before asking “You mean THOSE WEREN’T REAL?!”