Oh. Whew.
I think I’ve told this story before, but here goes…
My wife and I were getting busy, and I must have moved in a manner that she didn’t care for. Or maybe I touched something unexpectedly. Or maybe I paused for a moment to catch my breath. Honestly, neither one of use remembers what it was exactly.
But whatever it was, it caused her to ask, mid-intercourse, “What are you doing?”
I was caught off guard by the question, but I felt that it needed a response. So I replied with some confusion, “Uhh…having sex with you?”
The ensuing laughter didn’t kill the mood…it may have actually helped. And we still occasionally joke about that.
aerodave: Pretty sure you’ve told that before, unless I’ve heard it elsewhere online (I mean, it sounds like the kind of conversation you’d expect to have happened at least twice by now)
No such funny stories of my own (well, one girl asked me if I was “a freaking vampire or something” when I was nibbling on her neck), but a few funny stories involving people I know or know online. One such story where a girl, in the heat of the moment, ordered her boyfriend to “Warp speed, Captain Kirk!” which, tragically, killed the mood due to the guy’s ensuing laughter.
Maybe not during sex, but a girlfriend of mine once asked, “do you smoke after sex?” I replied, “I don’t know, I never checked.”
One-night stand, foreplay has been awesome and it’s time to move on to intercourse, I’m all set, and she says, “In the ass would be OK, too.”
4 full seconds of silence.
Me: “Yes…yes it would.”
We pretended to do this once, does that count? My boyfriend at the time and I were in the bedroom of my apartment, which had really thin walls. I don’t remember what we were doing, but I remember we were fully dressed. Anyway, we heard people talking through the wall–our neighbors clearly had several people over and were hanging around talking. So we started banging the headboard against the wall and making loud sex noises. We heard them saying “oh my god! shhh! do you hear that?” kind of stuff and laughing, so we did it more. Then one of us, I don’t remember which, yelled “Hi Ho, Silver!” at which point we pretty much fell over laughing and couldn’t go on any more. Those neighbors accessed their apartment from stairs on the opposite side of the building, so I never even knew what they looked like, so I didn’t have to be embarrassed later 
Once while having sex on my brother’s bed, we ended up on the floor and my girlfriend asked me what was up with all the socks under my brother’s bed. Without even stopping I replied “Oh those are his cumrags”. Didn’t even stop us at all.
Another time we were in her parent’s room when they came home I said “Does that mean we have to stop?”
Well, This is similar to a line from " for whom the bell tolls ", when pilar asks maria ( who earlier slept with jordan) " did the earth move ?"
Life imitating art ?? 
I’m sure it would be better than hearing about your ex and his huge, huge penis. 
Or your ex-penis…
Not saying you had one or anything but if you did, I can certainly guarantee he probably wouldn’t want to hear about it.
Or your ex-big penis.
Now, your X(tra)-big… yaknow, I think we’re done here.
“What is Excalibur?”
Said by my now-wife when we first started dating.
Unfortunately, she was not referring to my wang; Jeopardy was on in the background, and the answer was something like, “King Arthur’s sword.”
:D:D:D:D:D
I don’t know how she was able to focus on both sex and jeopardy, but she is obviously a talented woman to be able to do so.
I used to do Calculus homework in my head if I wasn’t being properly stimulated.
Yup, true story.
:rolleyes:
Two from my husband, from the early days of dating. You can work out the context yourselves, I’m sure.
“Hey Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat!” Of course, that gave me the opportunity to respond “That trick never works.”
Another time, having previously established that I’d seen “The Great Race”, he finished with “Let’s see the Great Leaslie try that one.”
Said to me after sex: “Do you have a web page?”
Context: this was back in the early 90’s when tech hobbyists were starting to create their own web pages. I guess this gal thought it was as good a time as any to get some tech support.
I have to dredge up my favorite sex-related story for the purposes of this thread. I read this from some online friend years ago.
Also while searching through my old posts I found this line by my husband:
‘‘I move that your pants be stricken from the record.’’
Oh man… now I want to use that line!
I want to go to law school just so I can use that line.
Dammit, I could have used that line with my lawyer ex-boyfriend.