Competitive eating–potato chip division. I would easily win that since I ate a bag during the first hour of Saturday night’s broadcast. But heck, they were light salt tatie chips so they weren’t bad for me!
Jigsaw puzzles - individual and team events, culminating with a 1000 piece solid color puzzle. It would give Olympic Paint Drying a run for its excitement money…
There’s an old Saturday Night Live skit about the All-Drug Olympics, where performance-enhancing drugs “are not only allowed, they’re encouraged.”
A big weightlifter goes up to a barbell on the floor and attempts a lift that would triple the world record. He strains and then finally pulls upright, but his arms stay attached to the bar spurting blood. The commentator goes “Oh! He’s pulled his arms off!”
I’ve always thought a winter pentathlon would be cool; skeleton, cross-country, slalom, ice-skating, and…
I don’t know what the fifth event should be.
Ice dancing?? 
Almost, but not quite right. Discusing girls OFF the balance beam a la a carnival midway game.
Solo synchronized swimming. Oh wait that is a current Olympic sport! 
Marbles?
I think blindfold javelin has been a much-underrated sport…
Well, today is my penultimate day in this job. I have an interview tomorrow morning for a 12-month contract at a rival University but if I don’t get that one, I have a 4-week assignment here starting next Monday in a different School. I’ve also just had a chat with one of the senior lecturers here, she wanted to know what my plans were and how she would go about having me back as a temp on one of her projects. It’s nice to be in demand!
How about Dodge Javelin?
At the same time as reverse shot-putt?
First of all, go back to the good old days and have NUDE Olympics - I think ratings would go through the roof and people would be calling in sick to work to stay home and watch them 24/7.
Beer Pong would be an event that I am sure US colleges and Universities would be able to supply endless athletes.
Video Game Event - finally the fat-assed kids have a chance to win gold!
Runway Modeling - not only would you have vapid supermodels from around the world flexing attitude, you could have the bitchiest world queens judged by judges as they commented on the outfits. Of course, few supermodels could handle the weight of wearing an Olympic medal without falling over, but even that could be fun to watch them fall over as the bitchy queens comment how that gold medal doesn’t go with that outfit.
Road Kill - two part event; you have to kill an animal with your car, then prepare it in a fancy, gourmet dish.
Two Year Old Race - have only two year old kids allowed to enter this 100 yard dash after a long nap and eating nothing but sugar for two hours prior. (Have more sugary treats visible at the end of the track, to get them to run faster!)
Lawyer/Banker/Politician Toss - see who can throw a 180 lb lawyer/banker/politician the furthest…this could possibly be held near a cliff.
Archery & sheet are relatively easy as the targets are unarmed. How about dueling pistols at 25 paces?
Thanks for the bd wishes lieu!
I suggest fillin’ out forms, scannin’ in forms and then uploadin’ to email as an Olympic competition. It’d be as excitin’ to watch as ping pong at least. Plus I’d score gold! Yep. This is what da bear has been doin’ this mornin’. I am drownin’ in a sea of paperirk. ICK!!!
Beer Pong and Dodge Javelin gave me the giggles.
DMark, you are truly warped! I like your suggestions. 
BooFae, I’d have picked blindfolded javelin, but **BBBobbio **took it the extra step that made all the difference.
We could add some excitement to curling by having the stones launched from punkin-chunkin cannons. :eek:
Lunch break. I’ve finished all but one piece with underglaze. Last one is a large fish sculpture. I’m not sure what colors I’ll use, but I plan to have fun with it.
I don’t want to interrupt the fun. Read later, it’s not good.
[spoiler]I just got notice that one of my closest friends from the company I left in March has been killed in an accident. No one knows any details yet other than her husband called distraught this morning. She hired me to the company and 4 of us worked together closely for 10 years. I moved to another group and she was the first to come by when she heard I was leaving. I can still see her at my door, a big pout on her face and saying “Tell me it’s not true. I don’t want it to be true.”
Judy, can’t someone please tell me the same thing?
I know I just lost Gordon. It’s not the timing. It’s just horrible all by itself.[/spoiler]
I posted this in the condoms thread, but it fits much better here…
Any particular reason pole dancing is not an Olympic sport? There is no denying the athleticism of the most skilled practitioners of the art.
It is no more silly than most rhythmic gymnastics events like the ribbon or ball. And unlike most Olympic events, it would actually be a skill with some earning power afterward. Watch that clip and tell me that Felix isn’t an Olympic caliber athlete.
After all the moving we just did, MrTao commented that those so proud of their Crossfit should make moving furniture into a sport.
So I nominate Olympic Furniture Moving.
Not enough coffee to be funny with it. Not yet, anyway.
Lieu, blastdamnit, I’m so sorry. Again. 
I was thinking along the same lines, but limited to the downhill events. Slalom and downhill for skiing, snowboarding, and telemark - all three major disciplines. Maybe throw in cross country and speed skating.
Otherwise, my vote is for beer-pong - it can be an event at both summer and winter games!