Galactic gladiators vs Florida Man

Alien fighters come to earth to battle Florida Man: Reddit writing prompt thread. Hopefully dopers find this as funny as I did.

Quote (as the alien gladiator’s assistant researches their foe):

*The tech typed a few more times then stopped, his complexion pale…

‘sir… I’ve just done the time conversion… Florida man… There are entries every day of each earth year… In the last cycle alone he has been drunk 63 times, been arrested 90 times, shot 43 times, been involved with an alligator, snake or bear 27 times and screamed Murica a staggering 300 times’

Skorath sat down and his head dropped, for the first time in his life, he truly knew fear *