Game: How would you use it?

The idea here is to think of ways to use the most useless things in the world (real or imaginary). The more detailed and creative, the better. For example, suppose your object is a bag of dead sharks. Yes, you could use them for fertilizer, but it would be far more INTERESTING if you used them to staff your Aquatic Nativity Scene.

Once you’ve used the previous object, provide something horribly useless for the next person to use.

Here’s your first object:

Five ounces of six-week old fat free cottage cheese, with green mold growing on top.

I would use it to sod the greens on the local golf course! (I know I might need more than 5 ounces for that… oh well)

object #2:

A whole roll of bubble-wrap that’s already been popped.

With plenty of duct tape I’d make a hot air balloon out of it. It’s nice weather for a sail!

Next: 10 pounds of year old candy corn.

Have fun!

Used bubble wrap: Tie knots at 3-foot intervals & hang as a window valence.

Useless object #3: Box of nude pictures of Ernest Borgnine.

Box of pictures: Aversion therapy for newcomers to Weight Watchers.

10 pounds of year old candy corn: There are plenty of people here at the SDMB that would eat it. Just wait…

How about… a dumpster full of ex-roofing materials!

A dumpster full of ex-roofing materials… I would make pointy speed bumps on random roads throughout the city to slow down/stop traffic. Mwuhahahahah

A hundred plastic jewel cases.

100 plastic jewel cases - stack them and glue them together to make a trellis for wisteria vines, so I could turn my porch into the Crazy Wisteria Jungle I have always dreamed of.

(I’ll have some of that candy corn, by the way. Yum!)

2 drunk fruit bats (both female).

Teach them hold on to my hips with there hands, one in the front and one in the back, and then have them hold feet between my legs and presto! A living speedo enabling me to be stylin’ at any freaky costume party. Good thing those bats are drunk!

(Your lucky I didn’t go with my blender idea)
1,000 retired hamsters with severe arthritis in their legs. Running this board is a tough job.

I’d paint the tips of their wings with phosphorescent paint, wait until night and take a 30 minute photographic exposure of them flying around in their drunken stupor, blowing my supersonic dog-whistle at intervals to confuse them into bumping into walls. Yep. That’s what I’d do.


A used fire extinguisher and an unused strawberry-flavoured condom.

retired hamsters:

i’d go to richard gere’s house, and . . . . well, you know the rest.


a pair of chopsticks that have been fished out of the toilet.

Osiris: an energy-saving replacement for an electric blanket? Just teach them to huddle on your body.

Xerxes: a visual aid for a sex-education class to prove that one size really does fit all?
Next: A tanker-car-load of Old Spice aftershave

Weird. A seven-hour lull followed by a simulpost, followed by nothing?

Huh, I’m pretty sure I posted yesterday…

Q. A tanker-car-load of Old Spice aftershave
A. New Jersey
Next: U.S. Congress

** matty’s ** toilet chopsticks: give them to a pair of frogs for an underwater toilet pole-vaulting competition.

** Munch ** - Congress: use their offices to house the homeless, fancy suits and shoes to clothe the poor, and the congresspeople themselves to build dams in flooded areas (sandbags have many other uses, congressmen, not so much).
An oil-stained brown paper bag containing fragments of 3 shattered Britney Spears CDs.

Set it afire on Andrea Corr’s front porch halloween night.

What to do? -
A junked 1970 Simca

Sounds like a nice toupee for an aging punk rocker.