Yesterday I bought a copy of The Joy of Gay Sex, published in 1977, in a used bookstore. And while I was reading it, I was thinking, there’s no fear in this book. It’s fascinating. All discussion of sex these days is obviously tainted with the need to discuss HIV. And then I got to thinking, maybe we’ve become so obsessed with safe sex that we’ve forgotten sex. I mean, everywhere, anywhere, you can find out how to prevent HIV and AIDS. Where can you find out how to have good, hot sex (which is safe)?
I mean, by the time I lost my virginity, I knew the difference between water-based and oil-based lubricants and which one harms latex condoms, but there were a lot of basic sexual positions I didn’t even know existed.
I feel that we may be missing out; we talk about safe sex till the cows come home, but how to have sex at all is left as an exercise for the reader.
I’m certainly no expert on gay sex itself, but your question seems to be not specifically directed at gays.
My answer: how to enjoy sex is something that is too much a matter of individual taste to actually teach in any way. Even courses or books that describe “The Joy of Sex” will only work for those who seek them out for ideas and are aroused by the suggestions therein.
Safe sex, on the other hand (no pun intended!) is objective and can be taught without regard to individual preferences. Safe sex method A reduces risk of STD transmission by x precent, method B by y percent, etc. (And of course, abstinence reduces risk of STD transmission by 100%!)
“(And of course, abstinence reduces risk of STD transmission by 100%!)” Actually, no, it does not. Notice people who got blood transfusions, tattoos, people who work as paramedics, nurses, etc have caught HIV from patients…?
What there is these days is called ‘Safer sex’.
As matt pointed out, the 70’s were read as pretty wild sexually but the truth is they weren’t really that way. There was also herpes, which reared itself quite strongly in the 70’s along with genital warts.
HIV may have been around for quite some time. One guy at the Center for Disease Control said on the phone, that HIV was found in blood samples from the 60’s.
There are a lot of diseases people have that we don’t yet have tests for & don’t yet know about. Hep C, was only recently discovered & it has an incubation period of like 20 years…sigh
Yes, there have been other sources of STDs. However, most of these transmissions occurred before AIDS (which seriously raised STD awareness levels for all STDs) was well-known. I dare say that in America, there have been few, if any, non-sexual and non-drug-related STD transmission since 1990, although I imagine that loose regulation of tatoo parlors and piercing places might have caused some cases to be transmitted through contaminated needles in those venues well into the 1990’s…although most of those holes have been plugged up as well.
Since HIV/AIDS isn’t history yet, I darn well hope every discussion about sex still includes tips on the safer variety.
There are a lot of HIV/AIDS groups out there who are addressing just the OP - if we don’t make safer sex fun people won’t be as “into” it as they ought to be. Here in Philadelphia there is an organization called SafeGuards that puts on monthly workshops and demonstrations {ahem} about how to have great sex, that also happens to be safer. You don’t even have to go with a partner!
OK, I’ll just come right out and say it: I AM SICK OF HEARING ABOUT SAFE SEX.
It’s not that I’m against safe sex. Goddess knows. I’ve worked for a queer phone line and I’m going to be a bloody social worker. But I’m sick to death of everything being about safe sex. I’m up to my ass in safe sex.
OK, we get the message already. Wear a condom. Check. Water based lube. Check. Choice of partners. Check. Now will you please, for Goddess sake, give us some tips about having sex? Or leave us the fuck alone? Or instead of standing there and preaching, do something - anything - useful? (Like shooting Esprix with a tranquilizer dart, roping him, stripping him naked, flying him to Montreal, and delivering him to the following address?)
I feel your pain, Matt, especially… Ow! Hey, what was that? Oh, well, never mind. Anyway, I do know how you feel, and I agree - there are some of us who get the message, always practice safe sex, and could use some just plain old sex talk (well, not that we need any pointers or anything, but it never hurts to get some refreshers, eh?). {yawn} Hmmm, suddenly I’m feeling kind of sleepy. Anywho, as I said, there are some groups out there who are promoting fun sex as well as safer sex, so you should see if there are any such groups up your way. {yawn} Goodness I’m tired. Perhaps I ought to… just lie down… right… here… Zzzzzzzzzzzzz…
I don’t see what’s so surprising about the emphasis of safe sex over fun sex. Safe sex is a matter of life and death. When was the last time someone dided because their sex lives just weren’t exciting enough?
matt_mcl, I read the Joy of Sex [straight] in the 70’s & the guy they used in the drawings is very unkept & unshaven. I don’t know how he ever got in the book. Are they like that in your book too? The gay Joy of Sex.
Are people really getting the message? So far as I know there are plenty of folks claiming that AIDS is a serious epidemic. And since you can still find plenty of people having unprotected sex with multiple partners it appears as though it isn't sinking in. Look in certain American newspapers and you can find ads seeking "Bareback" sex.
See, that’s the problem - “we” means you and I, having been raised since pups on safe sex and its importance, and “we” being older gay men who have had friends and lovers die around them. “We,” in this case, certainly have learned our lessons, and hopefully learned them well. However, that “we” does not include every person younger than us - it is for them that safe sex must always be included.
I think more to your point, matt, is that perhaps we could afford a few less lectures about what safer sex means, and more workshops and techings on how to have great sex, which just happens to include safer sex techniques. Am I right here? Who’s with me?
This is only tangentially relevant, but I heard Dr. Henry Fishman (sp?) on the radio today, and he said that there was a study done in Uganda that said uncircumcized males run a much higher risk of HIV infection than circumcized males.
Oh, wow. I’d guess I’d better go have my foreskin cut off right away, especially since I live in Uganda, and I am a heterosexual male who’s incapable of using a condom.
