I was going to remind some people to actually read the thread before posting, then I realized that they probably wouldn’t read it.
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a mountain climber?
You can’t cross a mountain climber, it’s a scalar.
Vendor: That’ll be four dollars.
[Monk hands over a five]
Vendor: Thanks, buddy.
Monk: Where’s my change?
Vendor: Change comes from within.
Holy shit, it’s a Möbius Thread!
That reminds me of this one:
Monk walks up to a hotdog vendor, vendor says “yeah buddy, what’ll ya have”, monk says “make me one with everything” (sorry couldn’t resist, and I realize Taber was probably doing the same thing)
Here’s my dumb joke:
What do you call a guy standing in the middle of a church?
The center of mass.
So there’s a family of cavemen, and they’re sending their kid to school so he can get smarter and evolve (yeah, I know, but the cavefamily doesn’t know that). Well, one day after school, the cavemom asks the kid how school was. The cavekid says “OK, but I missed the bus this morning.” The cavedad says “So what did you do?” "Oh, I just caught a ride from my buddy who lives over in Hamilton. The parents are aghast! The mom says "You must never, ever do that again! If you commute with the Hamiltonian, you’ll never evolve!
An electrical engineer, a chemical engineer, a mechanical engineer, and a computer engineer are all driving along in a car, when all of a sudden, the car stops. The mechanical engineer says “Uh, oh, I recognize that sound, that’s a jammed cylinder”. The electrical engineer says “No, you fool, obviously the spark plugs misfired”. The chemical engineer says “Don’t be silly, it’s obviously a fuel problem”. The computer engineer says “Why don’t we all just get out of the car and get back in?”.
And my personal favorite:
A physicist, a mathematician, and an engineer are out hunting, when they spot a deer. The physicist says “This one is mine”. He gets out a paper and pencil, a calculator, and (since he’s an old-school physicist) a slide rule, and calculates the exact range to the target, droppage due to gravity, air resistance, and Coriolis deflection, and determines the exact trajectory needed to hit the deer. One he has his initial velocity, he measures out the exact right amount of powder, takes aim, and fires. But his shot is two feet ahead of the deer.
Of course, the deer bolts, but fortunately, it doesn’t go too far, and they’re able to catch up with him. The engineer says “OK, you’ve had your shot, now let me show you how it’s done.” He gets out his rifle, and it’s equipped with a laser sight, an infrared rangefinder, an apochromatic scope, a theadolyte, a compass, a GPS, and a bunch of other do-dads that he’s not sure what they do, but they look cool. He adjusts all the gauges, and makes sure all of the dials are centered, and when all the lights turn green, he fires. But his shot is two feet behind the deer.
So the physicist says to him “Well you were talking trash about my shot, and you couldn’t do any better yourself! What’s that all about?”. But the mathematician interrupts "Hey, what’s the big deal? Between the two of you, you hit it dead on!
Yeah, but can he make a Springfield rifle fire death rays?
My favorite geek joke comes from Futurama:
Horse race announcer: “It’s close…and the winner is # 3, in a quantum finish!”
Professor Farnsworth: “Not fair! You affected the outcome by measuring it!”
[QUOTE=c_goat]
That reminds me of this one:
Monk walks up to a hotdog vendor, vendor says “yeah buddy, what’ll ya have”, monk says “make me one with everything” (sorry couldn’t resist, and I realize Taber was probably doing the same thing)
Three engineers are discussing theology. (Yeah, like that ever happens!)
The mechanical engineer says, “God must be a mechanical engineer, because His supreme creation is the human body, which is the most complex and intricate machine ever devised.”
The electrical engineer says, “Yes, but what makes humanity unique is the human brain, which is essentially an organic computer. So God must be an electrical engineer.”
The civil engineer says, “You’re both wrong. God must be a civil engineer, because who else but a civil engineer would run a wastewater treatment line directly through a recreational area?”
Monk walks up to the hot dog vendor and says, “Give me a scoop of vanilla.”
Meditate on it, grasshopper.
It’s an ice cream koan
Daneil
Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip?
Heard many years ago from my dad, a chemist:
Little Johny was a chemist
Little Johny is no more
What he thought was H20
Was H2S04
An engineer and an economist have survived a shipwreck, and are stranded on a deserted island. The only food they could salvage from the wreck was a can of beans, but they have no way of opening it.
The engineer says, “Well, it’s only a can. We could probably bust it open with some rocks.”
The economist says, “Don’t be silly. First, assume we have a can opener…”
A physicist, a chemist and a mathematician are each locked in a separate empty room and left there. A month later the chemist’s room is empty, its door was blown to bits by some explosives he made using excrement and dust. The physicist’s room is also empty, the walls are covered in calculations that let him figure out the weakest point in the door, tap it lightly and see it fall to peaces. The mathematician’s room – has the dead mathematician in it. The wall is covered in mathematical gibberish that starts with the sentence – “Let’s assume that the door is open……”
hehe. I think the best solution is to change the thread title to: “Geeky jokes. Not the one with descartes or the one with the buddhist hotdog customer please.”
(just read this one on a similar Slashdot thread)
Q: Who was the first computer technician?
A: Eve. She had an Apple in one hand and a Wang in the other.
A co-worker told this one to me yesterday:
How many software testers does it take to change a light bulb?
None – they just submit a report that the room is dark.
That was his riposte to my standby, HML( software developers )?
None – that’s a hardware problem.
This is true. If A => B, then (not B) => (not A). A is “I think” and B is “I am”, so the proper inverse statement would be, “I am not, therefore I think not.” This doesn’t lend itself well to a joke, unfortunately.
Rene Descartes walks into a bar. “Do you think you’d like a drink?” the bartender asks. Descartes promptly disappears. “I guess not”, says the bartender.
hehe, ok, you’re right.
Are you the square root of 2? Because I feel irrational when I’m around you.
Or, if you want to be more direct: I have the solution to Fermat’s theorum written on the inside of my pants.