Ah. "God bless all men who agree with me, and any women who don’t are obviously just afraid of being labelled ‘feminists’ ". That flies. :dubious:
You literally can’t conceive of enjoying a political discussion, or one in which people disagree with you?
I know, right? Maybe he’s joking. I mean, we joked a bit during the conversation, and before they left they said they enjoyed speaking with me. But then again, about 5 seconds later they went all creepy on me, so don’t ask me what people are thinking.
I know too many men who would be silently snickering at the lovely body comment and rolling in the floor when the milkshake came out to believe for an instant that it’s a gender divide. And I don’t think her feminist offense-meter is set too high. If they were honestly trying to say that they don’t think she’s a bad person, they would have said it was nice to meet her, or that they enjoyed the conversation, or disagreements aside, no hard feelings, or any of number of things. And if they wanted to express honest attraction to someone they honestly respected, they would have gone with “I like you” or “I think you’re very pretty/good looking/attractive.”
Instead, they went with the sort of comment that makes you want to ask what freaking grade they’re in. I mean, don’t most guys outgrow actually saying shit like that around late high school? That, I’m sure, adds to the WTF effect of just throwing that in out of the blue–you don’t typically expect that sort of adolescent commentary from a pair of grown-ass men.
The sort of people who think this was a compliment probably also think it was a compliment when my brother told me I was the least feminine woman he’d ever met, not deceitful or manipulative at all. I mean, yes, it’s nice that he thinks I’m an honest and ethical person, but it’s still indicative of a pretty fucked-up mindset.
And I think how likely you are to think these guys were being appropriate and complimentary is probably tied pretty tightly to what you think of women–and men-- in general. Expecting women to be flattered by any admiration for their form, no matter how dismissive of intellect or personality and no matter how crudely phrased implies that you don’t really think women deserve better. And dismissing at just how men are implies that you don’t think they can or should do better. Both attitudes suck, imo.
MeanOldLady, this would have ticked me off too. I’d have felt pretty much the way you described – that these guys were dismissing my beliefs, my intelligence, and the entire conversation we’d just had and were telling me that the only reason they’d bothered with me at all was because they thought I had a hot bod.
ETA: I can only guess that, since these guys were apparently big shot athletes, they may have been used to being able to get away with a lot and expected the OP to be impressed by them no matter what they said.
Oh, please. I’m not about to go round and round this mulberry bush with you again. FTR, I am not a misogynistic feminist–a distinct and small minority of women. And how is it not heartening to see that this kind of thinking (I’m back on the inappropriateness of the athlete’s comments now) is seen as such by the majority of men and women here?
Never mind. What CrazyCatLady said, in spades.
Well, since you said “please”… 
My own reaction would have varied according to how attractive I found my interlocutor, since it’s possible I’d have been thinking much the same thing and in that case it would have been a wistful smile and “Sorry, I’m afraid the two go together”. (I like to think that even in my youth I wouldn’t actually have said “Waah! Please give me the chance to change my personality to suit you”…) And if not there would always be some variation on one of Churchill’s bons mots:
But then I’m odd, and when complimented on X don’t immediately snap “Why weren’t you complimenting me on Y instead, damn you?”. YMMV and I hope you’re the happier for it.
We had a policy about sexual harassment in the workplace: If you wouldn’t say it to a person of the same sex, do not say it to a person of the opposite sex.
“That’s a good looking shirt” is completely different from “You have a lovely body.”
No no, that’s not what I meant. From the OP, I get the impression that it was not a fun, cordial political talk but a rather more animated and conflictive debate.
So, socially retarded, then. 
I think you have missed the point of this thread–what was said to the OP at the end of the discussion was NOT a compliment and was not taken as such. Nobody is asking the athletes to “change their personalities” to suit the OPs or anything close. When you say you’d be thinking the same thing, do you mean thinking the same way as the athletes or thinking the same way as in “Huh? What were those remarks for?”
If a male thinks to compliment me by saying such a thing, he also will never get touch my politics or MY mustache. 
I’ve said over and over again that it was a cordial discussion.
Well, at least you don’t have to wonder about his bar experience.
Sweeter than a milkshake? Seriously?
There actually was a way that one of the guys could have expressed some interest in you, even complimented you directly without making it seem like they were just humoring you while you talked. That wasn’t it. That’s something a homeless old man says to a 13-year-old girl on a subway platform.
It looks like much of the debate has died down (I thought I’d posted this at 3pm, but instead the SDMB logged me out).
MeanOldLady, I’m surprised nobody’s brought this up yet, and I’m sure it’s going to get all sorts of hackles up. Were the guys you talked to at the bar black? I’m mixed, and often mistaken for being half black and half white. I’ve been hit on by guys of all different races, but I’ve only been asked out point blank by black guys (handful of times), openly told I’m beautiful (hundreds of times), and curiously asked out of context whether I was single (close to a hundred times.). Only the last item has ever been repeated, by latino guys. Never experienced any of this - or witnessed it either - with white guys, and 90% of my city and social circle are white. I’ve found black guys are insanely direct, and not ashamed to step down from their comments - for better and for worse. Do you think it’s my limited experience (LA, Pittsburgh, and Small Town USA), or has it been in your experience too? FTR, I’m 23.
As a side, I wouldn’t have taken offense, but I was raised on a very different brand of feminism by my mother, one of just three women in her medical school class. The way I see it is that you were able to debate them and have a fun time without wondering about their looks (or if you did, they were offhand). They, on the other hand, had a bit of trouble focusing only on what you were saying because you are smokin’. I think it’s a compliment, and a point in your favor. I would have laughed. Also, it’s kind of like you educating the world - if every dumb jock had a conversation with an intelligent woman, the world would be a much better place. Like the mission of the straight dope - you’re fighting ignorance.
But I do realize I’m probably in the minority in my opinions (I eagerly away the “RACE!” pile-on from other posters). Again, I wouldn’t have had the same response, but your reaction wasn’t wrong, either. Of course, the milkshake thing is just so sad for him.
She was being a jackass for engaging in conversation? I don’t have any strong opinion about the thread either way, but this post kind of bothered me. You’re making it sound like she created the thread as a back hand way of bragging about how smart and hot she was. I mean, what, is she supposed to post nothing but self deprecating comments?
This is also probably totally off topic, but I’m reminded of a lot of responses I’ve seen on the web to women complaining about sexual harassment/guy attention…lots of times guys interpret this as unattractive women trying to brag about a man thinking they’re hot. I don’t know that that’s exactly what’s happening here, but the whole, “You’re not complaining, you’re bragging about how awesome you are” response has always pissed me off.
It seems like you are complaining that since they were not totally convinced of your side of the debate, they must not have listened. (Although you counter yourself by saying it was a good debate, in which they presumably proved they were thinking about your arguments).
I see no reason to believe they dismissed anything you said. They probably were not entirely convinced to change their worldviews, but that is hardly something you can take offense over.
After the debate was over, the debate was over. You want them to stay in “debate mode” the rest of the day? While debates are fun, relaxing afterward is not entirely evil. And certainly doesn’t mean that you dismiss everything that was said. They probably wanted to say something to defuse the debate tension (even in a good debate).
So no, there is nothing wrong with the comments specifically because they came after a debate. That part of your complaint is silly.
However, the comments do sound odd (sweet like a milkshake?) and could have been creepy in person. That part of your complaint is likely valid.
Nah, I still think this sums up the whole thing perfectly.
RAAACIIISSST!
No, I jest. They were black. I’ve not found black guys to be more or less direct than anyone else. I’ve found the lewdest comments to be from white guys, Latino guys to be the most frequent offenders of inappropriate come-ons, and black guys most likely to get their widdle feewings hurt when rejected, and say the rudest things when told to bug off. But I grew up in Los Angeles in largely Latino neighborhoods, so I’m sure this has something to do with my experiences.
Fortunately that kind of idiotic reply was in the minority here. What cracks me up is I never said or implied that I was smart or hot. I said I initiated a debate; stupid people initiate debates all the time (Don’t believe me? Go check out GD ;)). And I never said I was attractive. I said some asshat guys got all creepy on me and said what I thought was an inappropriate and out-of-place comment about my figure. I’m sure every woman everywhere has been issued an inappropriate “compliment” by a male before. Doesn’t mean she’s bragging about being zOMG HAWWT! if she brings it up to someone. These are the kinds of things that just happen when you’re a dame. I’m not even hot, and I certainly wasn’t doing anything or wearing anything that would invite commentary on my figure, unless you find a plain, grey tee, blue jeans and dirty sneaks to be sexually appealing. And if you do, hey, that’s your thing.
:rolleyes: I never complained that they didn’t change their minds. If I thought I could change the way people viewed the world by talking to them for 45 minutes, I’d be hounding every person I passed on the street. If you’ll read, my complaint was that their comment seemed dismissive and insulting, not that they didn’t come around to my world view. Anyone who engages in a debate with another adult for anything but entertainment purposes is delusional.
Here’s how they ended the conversation: “It was nice talking to you. Politics aside, nice bod,” followed by some creepy shit about a milkshake. Here’s how they could have ended it: “It was nice talking to you.”
Well at least we can all agree this is creepy.
Oh, oh, you will be sorry for that word!
Give back my book and take my kiss instead.
Was it my enemy or my friend I heard?–
“What a big book for such a little head!”
Come, I will show you now my newest hat,
And you may watch me purse my mouth and prink.
Oh, I shall love you still and all of that.
I never again shall tell you what I think.
I shall be sweet and crafty, soft and sly;
You will not catch me reading any more;
I shall be called a wife to pattern by;
And some day when you knock and push the door,
Some sane day, not too bright and not too stormy,
I shall be gone, and you may whistle for me.
-Edna St. Vincent Millay (1923)
Some things never change.