Huh, that’s interesting. Experience varies widely, I guess.
The “you started this to point out that you’re HOT” thing is just weird. They probably eat cheetos and wipe their hands on their socks afterwards.
And Edna was a hottie in her day too, so she would know! Er, a jest of course.
Yeah, it was a bit hamfisted, but as “big shots”, it’s probably been a while since they’ve had to really work the angles in order to get laid. It was probably not intended to be condescending, IMO. Maybe the dude was actually attracted to you, and simply rolled a “1” on his “Flirting Skills” check.
As an aside, I once did that, and rolled a natural 20. 
I met a girl at a party about 15 years ago, and we got off on a lengthy debate, with much verbal sparring, mental parrying, heated disagreement, thoughtful pauses, and grudging admissions of salient points. It got so tiresome for our friends that we were eventually left alone.
I’m happy to report that she is now my wife, and we will be having our first child in a few weeks. 
Hey, chemistry is chemistry, and you guys obviously did not have it.
You know, I have a theory about race relations and how, err, sexually comfortable people are with one another. Maybe I’ll get into it later.
I find this to be very, very funny, and you’re probably right.
This was a question that I had had, too, because I’ve had many opportunities to observe groups of both white and black teens and twenty-somethings, and I NEVER, ever, see the white guys approach girls of ANY color with the same brash directness that the black guys do. I’ve observed numerous instances of a guy just walking past a girl, stopping her to ask if she’s single and then spend the next twenty minutes following her around the mall, talking to her as if they’ve known each other forever while he tries to get a date or her number. I have had to call security on one guy for a girl when he just couldn’t take a hint.
And as a middle-aged, dumpy white woman, I have had both a thirty-something black guy and several older black men approach me with much more familiarity than I would ever accept from a white guy
You left out the part where you told her she was sweeter than a milkshake.
He was saying it with his eyes the whole time they were talking.
Can someone explain to me why expressing appreciation for a woman’s physical attractiveness implies anything about her mental capabilities? The fact that I want to have sex with you doesn’t mean I think you’re stupid. Isn’t it possible to see someone as a sex object without seeing them only as a sex object?
It doesn’t seem to work the other way. If I tell a woman I think she’s smart, she doesn’t conclude I’ve just called her ugly. I honestly don’t get it.
Context, dude. In the moment as described it was a pretty awkward way to end a conversation. And “sweet as a milkshake” should be considered pretty awkward under any circumstances.
Well, I was really asking more generally, but I don’t get this either.
You’re talking to a member of the opposite sex in a bar (not a church, not a library, not a workplace) and you’re shocked, SHOCKED! to get hit on?
Pete, are you paying attention?
He’s too busy undressing you with his eyes. Chocolate chip mint milk shake, baby! Mmm, Mmm, good…
:rolleyes:
Somewhat. Will you answer my original question?
Let me add another. What if the situation was slightly changed. What if the fellow had said something like this: “My goodness! I am struck by your wit, intelligence and highly developed rhetorical skills. Would you care to accompany me to a poetry reading on the morrow?” Would you have been offended then?
Context is everything. I promise you that if you’re having a long, involved discussion with a woman about aesthetics and physical beauty and you apropos of nothing in the conversation say, “hey, you’re a very intelligent woman,” she’s going to think you think she’s ugly. After all, why else would you need to throw that in there?
There are two reasons people just randomly say stuff that has nothing to do with the conversation at hand–they’re not paying any attention to the conversation, or they’re trying to avoid saying what they’re really thinking. If you’ve been actively engaged in the conversation up till then, it’s clearly not the former, so that leaves one to speculate on what it is you’re trying not to say. It must be something not nice, or you’d just go on and say it, right? And it’s likely to be related to the conversation you’re actively engaged in, or you wouldn’t be thinking about it. And since your unrelated comment was about me…hmm, something not nice related to both me and to physical beauty, I wonder what that could possibly be?
It’s like having a conversation with your wife about penis size and sexual satisfaction and her suddenly saying out of the blue, “Darling, you have a lovely smile.” You’re not going to interpret that as an unalloyed compliment, and we both know it. Whereas if you’re talking about teeth, or facial features or a dentist’s visit or something else where your teeth/smile are somehow relevant to the discussion, it is an unalloyed compliment and a really nice thing to say.
That’s where we are with the commentary on the OP’s body. Her body had dick-all to do with the conversation. It wasn’t germane in any way at all; it came completely out of left field. Looking at the previously mentioned explanations for such a comment, neither of them really screams that these guys respected the OP’s intelligence or opinions, ya know?
I’ve answered your questions multiple times in this thread. From page one alone:
Regarding your bar comment: :rolleyes: That has been addressed, too.
I don’t think she would have been offended by him asking her out. It seems to be the problem was that he was using her physical attributes to dismiss everything she said because he couldn’t really keep up. Something like, “Do you want to continue the conversation, want to exchange digits?” wouldn’t be so bad probably but he basically used the way she look to make up for his lack of ability to debate. It can go the other way, too–when a guy puts down a girl who may be smart/interesting for not being “attractive enough.”
Right. Context. So, it’s the way they hit on you that was wrong? Not the fact that they did? If they’d been subtler and more charming in their approach you’d have been, if not receptive, at least less offended?
But the point is they weren’t hitting on her. I mean, they WERE, but they were doing it as a way to dismiss her arguments. Like, “I can’t keep up with you in this debate so I’ll put you into the category of hot eye candy. OK, masculinity intact, kthnkxbai.”
This whole, “It’s the WAY they hit on you” thing just seems to miss the point. Besides, even if it was just a matter of the way they hit on her (if this scenario was totally different), you make it sound like that was such a tiny thing. If a guy wanders by a woman in a bar and says, “Your pussy looks really tight” or “Capital knockers!” in passing and a woman gets pissed, is your argument really going to be that it’s a bar and it’s just the way they phrased things?
And clearly that’s offensive. I guess I’m not clear on why that’s the default interpretation.
Obviously I wasn’t present and didn’t observe the conversation so I can’t interpret the nuances of this particular situation. But isn’t it possible that the insertion of some sexually charged banter into a bar conversation does not always equal some sort of intellectual dismissal?
I think in this case it came out of basically nowhere.
I don’t want to come off as anti sex or anything but can we agree that there are situations where bringing it up can be offensive?