GuanoLad: “Genderqueer” is part of an evolving vocabulary for people who don’t quite fit in with either of the two traditional genders they have. I identify as genderqueer because, although I identify as a man, I don’t feel very connected at all with the idea of manhood that seems to be common to the vast majority of other men - not even machismo or anything that extreme, just the basic assumptions about being a guy that I really don’t relate to at all. Other people ID as genderqueer because they feel fluid about their gender, or because they identify as a gender other than the two traditional genders, or because they don’t feel they have a gender.
As a counter-example, a lot of transsexual people would not identify as genderqueer because they feel very comfortable in a traditional gender identity – just not the one they were assigned at birth.
Just like “queer” can mean “not straight, not otherwise specified,” genderqueer can mean “not gender-normative, not otherwise specified.”
It can be difficult to talk about these things because we really don’t have a common vocabulary yet to talk about people who don’t fit completely with the two-gender system. “Genderqueer” is part of an attempt at this.
Been reading Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinberg. (Damn good novel too!) The butchest of the butches in that story, who wear suits and ties and are called by male names, still get the pronoun “she.” But this was set in the 1960s and '70s, before the concept of “genderqueer” caught on. In the novel, just a very few of the butchest ones decide to actually transition to male, and they get testosterone and beards along with the “he” pronoun.
In the year 2007, I think it’s cool to just ask the person. A couple years ago, I went out genderqueer one evening, and someone asked me which pronoun I preferred. I was very pleased with her thoughtfulness. It meant that she got the concept.
You got it right and I appreciate your ignorance-fighting.
I often look genderqueer. I identify as a woman, which means I like being acknowledged in society as a woman, which is a lot easier when I’m looking feminine. When I’m presenting ambiguous gender clues, people aren’t sure what to call me. Which could be a good thing, if you don’t like to be called either “sir” or “ma’am,” genderqueer could help to cut down on the constant use of those words.
I suppose one issue is whether your colleague identifies as genderqueer or is just being overheard playing around with her friends. There’s the potential to be offensive here; if somebody asked me which pronoun I preferred I’d think they were confused about whether lesbians are “really men.” You might ask whether your co-worker is lesbian or genderqueer rather than what pronoun s/he prefers.
Sorry, I didn’t mean to be confusing. I probably should have put a question mark after “genderqueer” because I wasn’t entirely sure whether she was a (butch) lesbian or something other. After reading this thread and thinking about the whole of my conversations with her, I’m pretty sure she’s a lesbian. I’m also pretty sure that she wouldn’t be offended if I did ask her about pronouns (we’ve had enough conversations on the subject that I think she knows that I don’t think lesbians are men).
For right now I pretty comfortable with my conclusions, but know it’s ok to ask if I think it’s warranted. Pretty much leave it alone and gracefully take correction if offered.