Truly, it’s difficult to write a good dating profile. I think, if one is even slightly ambivalent about the process, they will, one way or another, sneak in self-defeating words, phrases, photos, etc. I was really good at this self-defeatism.
For years when I was “looking but not finding” my biggest problem was myself. Immature, inexperienced, not sure what I wanted, unrealistic expectations. So my efforts tended to be self-defeating, to the extent of seeking partners that I knew from the start would just not be right for me.
If I had to do this now, I would, as suggested here, stick to what I can bring to a relationship, include at least one good picture of myself, and not say too much. Avoid cliches. Don’t get too personal / sexual etc., don’t overshare.
If you succeed, then the problem becomes one of filtering out the responses. So…what do you want and can you recognize it in a person, when they try to get your attention? (Also a difficult thing to do.)
A lot of people get absolutely insane with the profile photo rules (“must have at least 6 photos, must have at least one photo in a social setting, must have at least one photo of you climbing a mountain,” etc) but all I really want to know is that you actually look like what you’re representing, and that what you’re representing is something I like. So! Have multiple photos (anyone can look good in one pic) and at least one photo that shows enough of your body that I can see what kind of shape you’re in.
After that, do whatever you want, just don’t be boring or overly negative. So the guys who create profiles bitching about how much the app sucks (we all know it sucks; chill) need to not do that, and the guys who apparently read from the online dating profile joke book need to knock it off too. “My grandparents met on Tinder” or “Or you don’t look like your pics, you’re buying drinks until you do” have been old for a very long time. Also, “I’m a laid back guy with a great sense of humor” is in every profile. Write something else.
I wonder if any of these people with no photos ever get anywhere. People here complain about them, people on the apps complain about them, so what’s the point? I mean, I can just about see someone with with a really interesting bio snaring someone (not me) but did anyone ever go “Oh look, a picture of a sunset asking for no-strings fun - just what I wanted!”. Or maybe they just have a profile so they can browse out of curiosity.
“rather than” I think both things are important. As I am reading profiles, I do want to know what they are looking for. So I can judge if it’s even worth my time to go any further.
The things that will make me immediately move on: No photos, creepy photos, photos that are 30 years old (especially if it is your sole photo.)
No attempt to fill out the information. “I’m an open book, just ask me.” Nope
