Remove your hat indoors, Tip it or remove it briefly when greeting a lady outdoors.
On introduction to a lady, a gentleman briefly clasps her fingertips in lieu of a handshake. He does NOT squeeze.
If a gentleman is going to take the liberty of kissing a lady’s hand, he lowers his face to the hand. He does NOT raise her hand to his mouth. There should be no wet residue following the kiss.
A gentleman offers his arm when escorting a lady across a street, or into a party. He does not simply take her arm.
When weather is inclement or a room too cold, a gentleman should offer his jacket to a lady if her own garments are insufficiently warm.
A gentleman calls the day following a date and again expresses his thanks and pleasure for her company. He does NOT pester her.
There’s lots more, too.
The restaurant ordering thing dates from a time when is was assumed that the lady was being treated by the gentleman. It was also common for only the host’s (or presumably, hostess’s) menu to contain the list of prices. I can remember seeing those in some old traditional restaurants.
A gentleman removes his hat indoors*. And yes, that baseball cap is a hat. He also removes it, weather permitting, when greeting someone on the street. If a lady, he keeps it off. (Or at least that’s what I was taught, Scumpup)**
Overall, though, a gentleman throws all rules aside if they make the other person uncomfortable.
*Exceptions made for Orthodox Jews and other persons who cover their heads for religious purposes.
**Exception made for very old-fashioned Quakers.
A Gentleman (said Winston Churchill) never causes anyone harm unintentionally.
I have tried to stick to this guide.
Darn. How would a gentleman have to treat you before you would act like a tramp?
Seriously, having been raised in the South as a gentleman, I sometimes get fussed at for saying “Yes, Sir/Ma’am” and “No, Sir/Ma’am”. Those who get offended often retort along the lines of “How old do you think I am, anyway?”. It has nothing to do with age, people, it is simply a courtesy. I don’t understand people being offended by the courteous actions of another.
Actually, I believe it has to do with protecting the lady from the buckets of trash (and worse) that used to be thrown from windows.
People around here hold doors opened for other people all the time. I don’t just mean men holding doors opened for women, but as a man I’ve held doors opened for other men. I’ve had other men hold doors opened for me. Women also are known to hold doors opened for other women or men. It’s not a big deal. It is also customary to say, “thanks.” after having passes through said
Also where I live if you hear a car horn honk it’s more likely that it’s someone saying, “hello” rather than, “Get the hell out of my way!”
Car door:
the door gets opened for the woman whether she is entering or exiting the car.
I walk closer to the street side of the sidewalk so that if a car is gonna hit one of us, it hits me, and presumably I’ll be able to stop it with my hulking frame (assuming I have enough reaction time to brace myself first, I’m not that big).
I always fend off attackers. muggers, packs of wild dogs. etc. Not that my wife coudln’t defend herself, but she shouldn’t have to muss her hair.
I sometimes order her food, cut it into bite-sized bits, and play choo-choo at the restaurant, is that too old fashioned?
The wife of a couple I know comes from South America. Although she is fluent in English, she speaks with a very thick accent, which some people have trouble understanding. To simplify things, the husband always orders for both of them in a restaurant.
This leads to conversations like:
(Husband) “And she’ll have the shrimp.”
(Waiter) “Would she like a baked potato?”
(Husband to Wife) “Would you like a baked potato?”
(Wife) “Jess.”
(Husband to waiter) “Yes.”
Let’s look at it from the point of view of sheer laziness, of which I claim my share. I would surely like to have everyone in the world open the door for me before I get there, and hold it open until I have passed through. Sort of the cat’s take on owners. In this point of view, anyone offering a service to a lazy person has given me a free advantage, and that’s something I’ll sop right up.
Now let’s look at it from the point of view of who has the power. The person who makes the decisions has the power. Even if he is using the power to give a free advantage to a lazy person.
If you want to be a true gentleman (I adore zebra’s story), then hold the door when it seems kind to do it, like when you reach it first and she has groceries in her arms. Then smile at her in appreciation when she holds the door for you. You say you don’t like that? It doesn’t feel right? It makes your stomach uncomfortable? Then you like exercising power. A true gentleman doesn’t exercise power regardless of the wishes of the person over whom he exercises it. A true gentleman doesn’t attempt to create a state of gratitude that might end in sexual favors, by continuously imposing his idea of courtesy on the pursued one.
I say whoever gets to the door first, opens it as a courtesy to the person behind him or her. I’d like to live in that civilization. And absolutely: give your seat to the old man or the pregnant woman. Hear, hear.
I’ll hold the door if there’s someone with me; doesn’t matter who it is. And I always unlock the passsenger’s door first, even in the rain. (The coolest is when you unlock the door for your date, and she gets in and reaches over to unlock yours before you get there.)
On the other hand, some of these seem like ostentatious “check-me-out-ain’t-I-cool” moves in today’s more casual society. For example: Standing when a lady joins you at the table. Frankly, it strikes me as a bit silly. It’s archaic, rather than quaint.
Another is hand-kissing. Hand-kissing is appropriate only in very narrowly defined situations:
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If we are both French, or
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If I am Cary Grant and you are Audrey Hepburn.
To be honest, if a woman expects me to do things like rise when she enters the room or kiss her hand upon meeting, it’s clear right there that this relationship is dead in the water. I make it a point to do nice things for the women I date, whether it’s surprising her by cooking her favorite meal or sending her a card at work to make her day, but many elements of “gentlemanly behavior” (?) strike me as goofy, stilted imitations of genuine sentiment.
Oops. On previewing I did some editing but forgot to remove the (?). Pls ignore.
I think shaking a ladies hand differently to the hand of a man is insulting, strong hands should be shook firmly, whilst delicate hands should be just held. Similar with going through doors into possible danger, the person most capable of dealing with the danger should go first (So Viv with her blackbelt in Ninjutsu, should go first into the dodgy looking saloon bar). Ordering food, it is often helpful for the most organized person to act as spokesperson to the waiter. Opening doors for others should be done as a common courtesy. Hat wearing etiquette is just plain outmoded in my opinion.
In general my rule is that except in romantic situations, it should not matter if you are dealing with another lady or another gentleman, you should act with the same civility in both cases.
I admit that having a guy open doors for me is a guilty pleasure. It allows me to make a graceful entrance into the room and I just love it.
I do not like any type of “herding” behavior to keep me away from obstacles, other pedestrians, potential splashes. This tends to come across like he thinks I’m too stupid to walk. I’m like “'What, if you weren’t here you think I couldn’t walk down this block and cross the street by myself?” Sometimes it also comes across like I am less important than any other pedestrian. Like he’s walking down the road, these other people are walking down the road, and they are all within their rights, but I am some kind of intrusive extra who should not be there on the road.
I may have issues …
I’ll go on record here as saying ‘Yes, I like having my husband order for me at the restaurant’. IMO, it says that he knows me well enough to choose something I would like, he’s taking care of the trival, bookeeping items on our night out, and that he’s taking care of me.
I’ll admit this isn’t something that happens every time, or even half the time, and it only happens at restaurants we visit often…where the menu is known and I have a particular favorite.
I’ll also admit we have a freakishly close relationship, and I do like to be adored and coddled…sometimes kept like a rare and priceless pet…
Oh, wait…I think I shouldn’t have said that out loud.
FB
My fiance always opens doors for me. If he gets to it first, he opens building doors or car doors. He also likes to carry heavy things for me. It’s not because he thinks I’m too stupid or too weak to do these things for myself. He just wants to do something nice for me. I’ve never seen it as anything else. And it makes me feel special that he wants to. Of course, he’s not going to shove me out of the way so he can open the door if I happen to arrive at the car or the door to our house first. But there’s a certain gentility in those gestures that I find really touching.
Also, I don’t mind if he orders for me at a restaurant. He rarely does it, and even then it’s usually only a bottle of wine and I order my meal. Or, if I’m in the bathroom and he knows what I want, he’ll order it for me. I’ve never read anything into it - I always felt that he knows me, loves me and thinks I’m special and is trying to tell me so by his actions. Either that or he’s really hungry and doesn’t want to wait for the waitperson to return.
Although, sometimes when he opens the door for me I joke that I’ll forget how to operate a handle or knob if he doesn’t let me open the door for him. He always laughs and says “Dammit! Who taught you how??” Hmmm… :eek:
Something that doesn’t appear to have been mentioned yet is that a gentleman should always walk in front of a lady going downstairs, and behind going upstairs.
No - its not so you can ogle them :smack: - its incase they fall you are there to prevent them going all the way to the bottom unimpeded and preventing injury.
I do it all the time and I’ve caught my wife on a few occasions (normally after a few drinks :)) descending onto the underground/metro/subway [delete as appropraite].
In some countries that may be pronounced - appropriate
:smack:
I assume you are talking about building windows, not car windows. If so, then this doesn’t make sense because the window is on the inner edge of the sidewalk.
Right, but trash would be tossed outwards, towards the street.