Gentlemen: how often/easily do you get a boner?

In My Humble Opinion
1

I have had erectile dysfunction for as long as I can remember. It’s caused significant trouble in all my relationships, going back to high school. After some particularly unpleasant medical procedures in my mid-20’s and some years of sex therapy, it was determined that my problem was all in my head, literally. When I was in my teens I occasionally got spontaneous daytime erections, but the frequency faded to nothing by my early 20’s. Now that I’m 40, I almost never get daytime erections at all without seriously intense/direct physical stimulation combined with mental imagery and/or porn (fantasy/porn by themselves don’t make anything happen).

Dan Savage and others have spoken at length about the perils of “death-grip” masturbation (link, NSFW: http: / / How to cure masturbation death grip ), in which a man develops difficulty climaxing unless masturbating with a very tight hand grip. This doesn’t seem to be my problem: never mind climax, I just have trouble getting an erection in the first place (and if I do, it’s hit-or-miss as to whether it’s going to go the distance).

One of the medical procedures I underwent was a nocturnal penile plethysmograph. I slept with this machine strapped to my thigh (and my penis) for a night, and it kept a log of my erections while I slept. Rock-solid proof: I am able to achieve “non-buckling erections” in my sleep, which means the hardware is just fine. My wife of 6 years confirms this: my penis wakes up when I go to sleep. We don’t have sex very often (once every few months, maybe, and even then it’s more out of a sense of “we really ought not have zero sex, that would be too sad”); although she is bothered by the lack of frequency, her position seems to come less from being horny and more from feeling like “we’re married, we’re supposed to have sex, that’s what married people do,” and that she’s somehow failing in her duty as a wife to be attractive. Although I recognize that sex is an important bonding activity for a couple, at this point I’ve developed a “why bother trying” attitude; it just doesn’t seem to be worth the anxiety. We have an otherwise good relationship.

(Before anyone asks, yes, I have been diagnosed with low testosterone, about half of the minimum level considered normal. I’ve tried Androgel, which resulted in a “normal” testosterone measurement, but my penis didn’t seem to notice.)

I will admit to some really off-the-wall sexual interests. At least one has been with me since before puberty, but the rest - which are best described a general interest in sexual activities that are about as far from “vanillla” as possible - seem to originate from a two-decade pursuit of ideas/fantasies/porn that can shock my senses; it’s sort of like I’ve been chasing my erections to where the wild things are. Even considering all of that, it’s odd to me that the more “vanilla” things that turned my crank as a pubescent teen - e.g. bare boobies in a Playboy spread - don’t inspire any erection at all, and even the off-the-wall, non-vanilla stuff won’t inspire an erection unless accompanied by serious man-handling.

But enough about me, I’m curious about the rest of you guys, mostly to gauge how far out of the norm I am. How easily/often do you achieve an erection? Take the pole poll up above, and post details below about your personal experience if you like. Apoligies if the poll options are inadequate; I think maybe personal narrative is better than a poll, but a poll is better than nothing.

2

It sounds like you have an unrealistic notion of what it takes for post-pubescent men to maintain an erection. I don’t think it’s at all unusual—indeed, I think it is very common—for men to require direct stimulation of penis in order to sustain one. Your plethysmograph establishes what you’ve said, you have no physical impotence. But it is plainly apparent that you have cathected so much mental anguish on this topic that it could be fairly described as neurotic. Not trying to be shady, just calling it like I see it.

3

I’m 65. Until last year my erections were just as often as when I was a teenager . . . which I understand is extremely rare for someone who’s 64. But now, I never achieve* an erection, even with direct stimulus. This does not, however affect my ability to have orgasms. With the right kind of stimulation (oral) my orgasms and amount of semen are normal. It’s a different (but not worse) experience for my partner, but from my point of view it feels the same as it always did. In fact, my partner had to tell me that I was no longer getting erections; I literally could not tell.

I have tried Viagra and Cialis, with little positive results, and unpleasant side effects. I am getting testosterone therapy with no results, but it’s necessary for other reasons.

*And isn’t it telling, that we consider erections “achievements”.

4

It’s pretty easy for me but I am young (21) and a virgin and never done anything at all with a girl so the slightest thing sets me off

5

I’m 35 and still have them on a ridiculously regular basis. My partner gets annoyed sometimes because of how often it happens and that my sex drive is a ton higher than his.

It’s almost like being 12 again sometimes, it’ll pop up at inopportune times and I have to focus to get it down.

6

I’m 29, and it takes direct physical contact, or occasionally intense fantasizing, to achieve an erection. I have no sex partner, so my only outlet is masturbation, and that is far less frequent than 5 years ago. In 10 years, I will be a “40 year old virgin,” so while my plumbing works just fine, I’m not hooked up to the water supply… still pumping from my own well, so to speak.

7

I’m typing with my boner now!

8

I can raise and lower the flag at will, even when dead drunk. I’m a 33 year old man.

9

Multiple times throughout the day i’ll get spontaneous erections. some last for an hour or more, others for just a couple of minutes.

I also have the night-ons, and yes fully clothed women have been known to cause them as well.

I’m 28

10

Are you a hunt-and-pecker?

11

I’m not a-huntin’ pecker!

12

A stiff wind will get me going sometimes.

13

I don’t have problems getting wood. My problem, since I’ve been on the Lexapro, is that I can’t achieve orgasm. Which works out great for the girl because it is not at all uncommon for her to get her’s three or four times before I get mine. (if at all)

14

47; I didn’t answer your poll because it’s impossible to choose just one option. Sometimes I get raging wood for no apparent reason, or just form thinking about a sexual situation. Other times visual inspiration will do the trick, and still other times I require direct and continuous physical stimulation to get and keep it up.
A lot depends on my current mood, physical state, etc. I’ve come to believe there’s no such thing as “normal.”

15

I’m 71 and erections are but a memory; even a twinge is a pleasant surprise. I’ve got a couple of physical conditions that are directly related to my problem so I doubt it’s all due to age. But age is a factor, I’m convinced.

16

27 here. As far as I remember, even from puberty I was not highly prone to the unwanted boner. Oh sure, they happened all right, but it usually required a bit of active fantasizing on my part. It’s the same way today I suppose. Merely from looking at the gorgeous women around me, I rarely get boners. It takes a little active thinking to get Professor Curious ready for research.

I have no dysfunction when it comes to pureeing the banana. Everyone’s different.

17

I’m 53, and I don’t notice any change from when I was 18.

18

Up until about my mid-40s, my sexual response was pretty much what it was when was in my mid-20s. And in my mid-20s, it had slacked off enough from my high school days that I no longer got erections from mild breezes and random thoughts, but only just enough.

But from my mid-40s on, things kinda started tailing off. Got gradually less horny, less susceptible to arousal, and less easily able to get and sustain a hard-on. Now, in my late 50s, sex is a lot harder than it used to be, because it’s a lot less hard than it used to be. :stuck_out_tongue:

19

Thank god I missed that episode of “Will it Blend?”