Here’s the deal: you live in a house in the woods, miles from civilisation. One night there’s a knock at the door: there’s a portly bearded guy there. He’s had a breakdown on a deserted backroad, and has walked half a mile to the only lights he could see, and wants to use your phone. You recognise him at once: it’s George Lucas, and nobody knows he’s here! This is your chance to conduct a private festival of film and TV of the last 25 years, in order to educate him in the error of his ways and bring him to see the light of decent moviemaking once more: while his back is turned, you hit him with a tyre iron, and when he comes to he’s chained up in your basement, with just a slop bucket, a 24" TV and a selection of DVD’s for his viewing pleasure. Question is, what are you going to make him watch and why?
The Incredibles: a film might have flying people beating the shit out of each other and giant robots tearing up a city, but unless it has decent human characters facing real moral challenges, it’s just a toy commercial.
The Fellowship Of The Ring: watch Boromir carefully, because this is how to direct actors. Sean Bean might be a meat-and-potatoes performer, but with skillful direction he can pull off a blinder of a performance. Here’s a decent but conflicted man, more used to fighting than thinking and faced with a hard decision. He makes the wrong choice, but for understandable reasons - and pays for his redemption the hard way.
Doctor Who, “School Reunion”: it’s possible to successfully revive and even improve on a franchise which has been dormant for fifteen years - if you remember what it was that people liked about the original in the first place. You can tighten the format, you can darken the writing, but it’s got to be about the Doctor. And don’t let a bigger budget go to your head.
Mirrormask: you can actually use GGI to create a visual style and not just cram in more spaceships and explosions.
Hellboy: cast carefully. You’re going to get a better movie if you choose Ron Perlman because he suits the character and the supporting cast because they suit theirs, rather than just hiring a big name plus any schmo who happens to have an agent in Sydney. See also FotR.
We were going to take a break for popcorn and Coke here, but unbelieveably Lucas didn’t have his wallet on him. So we’ll use the opportunity to elicit some suggestions for the evening showing: what movies or TV should ol’ George be made to watch next - and most importantly, why?
