Get the fuck away from me, you creepy asshat!

[Maastricht]

@kung fu lola

I also read that book, and the part that stuck with me was to beware of people who don’t accept your first “NO”. If you say “No” to someone, and they persist, they are trying to impose their will on you, and you should get away from them, and fast. It’s a good way of protecting yourself from creepy asshats and preventing situations like the OP from escalating. If they don’t accept your first attempts at resisting, what makes you think they’ll accept your third? Or your seventh?

Good point. Just ignoring them won’t stop them. It didn’t stop them the first time, after all.
Of course, all this is theory; as Maureen pointed out, everybody reacts differently when they’re shocked.

When I think about it, my own response to such an npleasant experiment is not shock, but trying to understand. That drive of mine has some interesting side effects; I’ve scared off more then one suitor/harrassor by looking at him enhusiastically and asking: “You’re rubbing up against me! Why are you doing that? No really, I want to KNOW !!”.
Nothing scares them off faster. It’s a complete reversal of roles. One minute they’re on the prowl, the next minute they’re the object of a social experiment.

[Cowgirl_Jules]

@Maureen

overlyverbose, don’t feel bad. That’s usually the first thing people ask… “Well, why the hell did you not report him then and there?” People who ask this question have probably never been in that situation. It’s freaky scary, and many people are in a minor state of shock. You’re confused, upset, scared, and don’t really know how to react, except to get as far away from what you perceive to be a dangerous situation as possible. Now that you’re calmer you can give the management a more coherent account of what happened. Good luck.

Good point up there, Maureen. We’re all armchair quarterbacking here. But it’s probably not too late to go talk to the gym management. Hell, maybe he’s done it to other people and they have his name. And if nothing else, thinking it through like this might make her reaction that much more timely and appropriate if it happens again.

overlyverbose, I totally get being flustered in this situation, especially when it came from out of left field. No one’s faulting you for your reaction, I don’t think.

Ew, creep!

[Rilchiam]

@overlyverbose

He scoots closer and closer while I sit there, trying to ignore him. Finally, our legs are nearly touching and he leans over and says hi. Trying not to be rude, I say hi and turn away.

Maastricht and lola have already made, with more clarity, the point I wanted to make, but I wanted to specifically address this part of your post. He was the one being rude. It was not up to you to spare his feelings.

( because I have nothing to add to that but didn’t want to come off like I’m lecturing you)

[jellyblue]

@Q.E.D.

It was, and I said so:
Metacom: Good point, but oil rig women are abreed apart in any case.

On an oil rig or anywhere else, someone grabbing your ass is sexual assault, in my book and invites a self-defense assault in turn. It’s not her fault she was so effective.

Besides, having a creep grab your ass, Q.E.D., is a whole lot different than having a teammate grab your ass in a locker room or the way you might grab your girl or boyfriend’s ass because s/he’s hot. They’re perverts, that’s why they’re grabbing the ass of someone they barely know. Sometimes their fingers go places and hurt you, bad. Besides, someone with boundaries poor enough to do this kind of thing at work, for chrissakes, has boundaries poor enough or judgement bad enough to rape you, IMO. So best to make your feelings on the matter known in the most unambiguous fucking way possible.

'kay, I’m done.

[Miller]

@Q.E.D.

So, you’d have no problem with the reversal of the situation I posed above, then?

I know I wouldn’t.

I’m not saying that’s what I’d do, but harassment is harassment, whatever the gender of the victim. And that’s always worth a smack in the chops, minimum.

[blackhobyah]

@romansperson

Which is exactly what he is counting on, I’m sure, and how people keep getting away with stuff like this. Don’t let him.

I think it’s particularly hard for women, we’re expected to be nice and polite and not make a scene. I learned fairly early on that creepy men rely on the fact that women don’t want to make a fuss and will put up with offensive behaviour for quite some time. When it happens it’s shocking and frightening and hard to think clearly enough to do something. And afterwards we blame ourselves for not having done anything as if the fault somehow is ours and not theirs.

I was a weirdo magnet as a young woman, so I quickly learned that I didn’t have to put up with creeps. One of my funnier memories happened when I was a student and had a part-time job handing out free newspapers at a railway station. Some pervert came up the escalators and pinched me on the backside, expecting, I suppose, that I’d try and pretend it didn’t happen.

Instead I dropped my bundle of newspapers and took off after him, yelling, “you filthy little pervert, you disgusting creep” at the top of my lungs. He took off at a dead run, a little, weedy bloke, running like a rabbit, with me, a strapping wench, chasing him and yelling and all the people in the station forecourt looking to see what the commotion was. I lost him when the pedestrian lights turned red, but he was still running the last I saw of him.

[overlyverbose]

@blackhobyah

I think it’s particularly hard for women, we’re expected to be nice and polite and not make a scene. I learned fairly early on that creepy men rely on the fact that women don’t want to make a fuss and will put up with offensive behaviour for quite some time. When it happens it’s shocking and frightening and hard to think clearly enough to do something. And afterwards we blame ourselves for not having done anything as if the fault somehow is ours and not theirs.

I have to agree with this. I was trying really hard to remain somehow polite and unwelcoming at the same time. Well, for my future reference, I’ll have to accept that the two really don’t work well together.

And during and after, I was really confused. I mean, stupidly enough, I’m thinking to myself, “I’m a woman nearing 30 here, and while I’m not in horrid shape, I’m certainly no supermodel. Jeez, I’ve got a zit on my back. Doesn’t he see the bad skin, the slightly rounded tummy. Why is he hitting on me. I don’t get it, and why he hasn’t gone away by now? Maybe if I ignore him, he’ll go away. Yeah. … Fuck, he’s still here. I’m ignoring him, for God’s sake! Doesn’t he get it? Husband - not interested. Dumbass. Well, the lane’s about to open up. I guess I can stand this for a little while longer… Hey! He just grabbed me! Fuck this. I’m outta here. Why did he do that? Why does he think it’s okay? Why? Does he think he’d be doing me a favor or something? What an asshole!”

For the most part I was sitting there, shocked and appalled by his behavior.

For the record, I did report his behavior last night, and the gym basically said, “Okay, we’ll keep a better eye on that area, and if he bothers you again, let us know. We’ll talk to him.” Guess that’s the best they could do since I wasn’t more vocal about it day before yesterday.