I was thinking about just this type of thing.
As far as “gaydar” goes, mine works very well and I love to test it out. Haven’t been wrong once. It even worked through tv. I was watching a tv show that my friend worked on and I got the feeling that two people involved in the show were gay. I asked him if they were and he confirmed it. I don’t think they are out, so I won’t mention what show it is. The odd thing is, I can only do this with males. Females confuse the hell out of me and I’m only right about 50% of the time. If I just guessed “bi” always then I would have a higher success rate. I’ve even identified people as gay before they themselves knew. There was this guy I used to know back in college who gave off a very gay vibe all the time although he used to date women. He came out a few years later and has only dated men since.
I also have “transdar” and have identified people as trans while they were still in the process of coming out to themselves.
One of my closest friends told me I was lesbian years before I accepted it myself.
Ruin the relationship? How so? They’re not accusing him of being a child molestor. Mistakenly thinking someone is gay is not friendship ruin-worthy.
You’re kidding, right?? :eek:
Why?
At various times I’ve been pegged as gay (should I rephrase that, maybe?) by folks in my extended social circle (and, very early on, by my brother – and not in a “You’re such a fag!” juvenile-fraternal way, but a matter-of-fact, “Oh, you like girls?” way.)
I don’t recall it ever creating any ill-feeling on either side.
Why should it, unless you or your friends are starting from some messed-up premises?
The accuracy of someone’s “gaydar” is probably affected by confirmation bias. You remember the cases when you’re right, and not the cases when you’re wrong. In case of the people that don’t admit to being gay, the gaydar specialist will assume that the person is a closeted gay or a gay that hasn’t realized it yet.
To respond to the OP, I agree with the other posters who say it’s none of your business. I, personally, would not be offended if people asked me “Are you gay?” I would either answer honestly or say “It’s none of your business, really, but I’m willing to sell you that information for $100.” If you think the person wouldn’t be offended, just ask him outright. If you think your friend wouldn’t be offended, then ask her “Hey, is so-and-so gay? We thought he was.” If you don’t think you can ask these questions without hurting someone’s feelings, then don’t ask.
I really have two things to say about this topic.
I’ve been told I was going to turn out gay too. By a lesbian friend of mine, as well as several other straight people. Hasn’t seemed to happen yet, and I have a feeling that it never will.
Also, when I was first asked out by my boyfriend, I had to ask his ex-girlfriend if he was gay b/c he really set off my gaydar. But he’s not. We work really well together, and I have a suspiscion that the combination of my masculine traits and his feminine ones go together well. (Not that we don’t have some of the “correct” gender traits either. He loves him some boobies. and…well, never mind what I love. 
)
I suppose I’m just saying what everyone else is. There’s a large variety of people out there, and they will fall slightly differently on the “how my sexuality appears outwardly” scale, and it doesn’t have any bearing at all on how they are behind closed doors. (I also speak as a very assertive woman who’s on the “s” part of a D/s relationship.)
I think that the word ‘bi’ means that something is doubled. May even apply to risk.
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Um… they’re worried about their friend getting hurt? No big mystery there. They’ve already said they aren’t going to interfere, they’re just worried about her.
…and since they’ve specifically said they aren’t going to take action, then what’s your point?
My ex became a friend of a woman who lived next door to us. The neighbor woman was married, with two children; she came home unexpectedly once and found her husband in bed with another man. I’ve never seen anyone as totally devasted as that woman. I’d say if the OP could be absolutely certain of what he suspects, he would be doing the prospective bride a huge favor by telling her what he knew. If he has only suspicions to go on, he should keep them to himself.
I think that calling her a “prospective bride” is a leap at this stage… didn’t she just start dating the guy?
Yeah, I got ahead of the game, didn’t I?
I have to admit I’m awestruck on this. A gay “vibe?” As in, “gaydar?” IMHO, that’s utter nonsense. I’m a lesbian myself and some of the most “butch” women I’ve met have turned out to be 100% male-oriented. And on the flipside, I’ve been hit on by women I’d have never guessed were gay.
It’s perogative, I guess, but that just stuns me. The suggestions to talk to him to get more “clues” is also ridiculous. So what if he likes Barbra Streisand or wears pink? My father does both of those things and he’s utterly enamoured with my mother.