Okay, I do realize that your wife of more then 35 fucking years died a little over 3 months ago and that you are having a hard time dealing with that.
So am I, seeing as I was her FS (Favorite Son.)
I can understand why you would want to “hang out” with people etc.
Hell, I think it’s a great idea.
But where the FUCK do you get off inviting a woman over to eat EVERY FUCKING NIGHT FOR THREEFUCKING WEEKS IN A FUCKING ROW!!!
It wouldn’t be so bad if it was someone that you had known for a while before mom died, but this doesn’t seem to be the case.
And then you proceed to tell her EVERYTHING!!! THAT YOUR YOUNGEST SON HAS DONE TO FUCK UP HIS OWN LIFE OVER THE PAST 2 1/2 YEARS INCLUDING EXPLICIT DETAILS ABOUT HIS ARREST AND TIME SPENT IN JAIL.
Where the FUCK do you get off doing that???
Oh wait, you did it because you used all of what I did as an EXAMPLE of why I might have ADD.
In fact, you’ve apparently suspected this for years, but you convieniently wait until MOM dies to lay this out fOR me, AFTER you lay my whole life bare to ANNE.
FUCK THAT!!!
Of course, I can’t discuss this whole situation with you.
ADD? Preposterous. You seem to be almost disturbingly capable of focusing on a task.
FWIW, I can relate. I went (and to some degree, am still going) through a similar situation with my mother after my father’s death. No one she’s dated seems ‘good enough’ for her when weighed against his example, and I can’t help but somehow resent her sharing things with him that I perceive to be ‘family business.’
It’s a trite-sounding non-answer, but I guess what it comes down to is that parents are just as human as we are, even though (when they’re GOOD parents) we tend to see them as being more.
And echoes on that to WSLer. I don’t know a lot about ADD, or if you do have it even. But as someone who had no relationship with his Dad, cut yours a little slack ok? It is always more than just you.
Hey WSLer. FWIW, I don’t think you’re nuts and doubt you have ADD. Nonetheless, I would suggest that you investigate therapy, because you’re confronted with a difficult situation largely beyond your control. THAT is the sort of thing with which all of us could use help. In particular, a therapist (preferably a family therapist) would be able to help you develop a strategy, for dealing with your dad, for dealing with your own loss and for moving your life forward.
Just one bear’s opinion. From someone who went through similar shit, many years ago.
WSLer, my sympathies. From what I’ve seen, men who have been widowed after a long marriage have a very hard time dealing with being alone. Your father may just be lonely. Please cut him some slack.
Get over yourself. Life is not fair and neither are people. Your dad is a grown man and I am assuming you are at least 18 and legally, a grown man as well. Your dad is evidently trying to establish some connection with these women by talking about deeply personal issues which, quite frankly, is a subject area a lot of (not all) women like to talk about in great depth and detail. It makes him more interesting and engaging to them. That’s more than likely why he does it. It’s why most men do it.
People deal with grief in their own way. Having a non-hysterical man to man conversation with him laying out why amateur psychoanalysis of your personality and turning over the compost of your past misdeeds makes you profoundly uncomfortable and is disrespectful of your feelings, is the best tact to take and most reasonable men and/or fathers will usually respect that request. If he does not, it means that he does not respect you, and if that is the case you need to take stock of your current relationship with him and possibly find your own place to live as the current scenario will be untenable.
The enraged (and somewhat childish) tone of your post may have some degree of justification, but as others have noted you had best put the tantrum mode away and have a pretty dramatic change in tone and conversational engagement strategy with your father if you expect to convince him of the merits of your point of view. If you want to be treated and respected like a grown man act like one.
My dad died in December. If my mother were telling intimate family details to men she was dating, it would not bother me. Because my mother tells intimate family details to everyone! The cashier at the supermarket, the telemarketer who calls while we’re eating dinner, the paperboy, the McDonald’s clerk, her cow-orkers, people walking down the street in front of the house…doesn’t matter.
My dad died in January, my mom 8 years before that.
From my mid-teens til I was about 35 I “publicly” hated my dad, in that I would freely say so to anyone who asked. He was prone to sudden rages, apparently out of the blue, that could reduce anyone in the family to tears in seconds.
He made sure mom took her insulin, because he could see that she got loopy without it. But he saw no difference when she didn’t take her heart meds, so he didn’t insist like he did for the insulin.
She died of a heart attack.
I STILL haven’t reconciled it all internally, and maybe never will. But I don’t hate him any more.
