I think you’re talking about a stylistic difference between (most) mothers and fathers. Neither of you is wrong.
Women are (usually) much more responsive to our children, particularly during their infancy. We’re always aware of their needs, first and foremost; how much they’ve eaten, which food combinations cause hives, when (and what) they pooped, their favorite toy du jour, whether they like the Elmo shirt or prefer Barney, all that stuff (and much, much more).
Men, on the other hand, fall back asleep.
Now, IIRC, studies have shown that men cannot handle the kind of sleep deprivation children cause. So it’s not a failing of moral fiber.
But it is precisely the kind of parenting difference that causes mommies to vent online, and other mommies to say supportive things like “If that was MY husband, I’d gnaw his balls off”.
However, and Moms rarely acknowledge this until they’ve had 3 or 4 kids, I think that the CHILD most likely benefits from variation in parenting styles of the type you describe. We Moms feel a strong urge to create a perfect cocoon for kids, and in truth that’s not healthy. We just have a hard time acknowledging it.
Ohhhh no. Big. Huge. Red. Flag. It’s precisely mommies who can’t bear to see Precious Darling Child unhappy or in need for a nanosecond that are turning kids into self-absorbed, selfish attention hogs. Check out some Dr. Phil episodes where parents are going broke buying their kids cars and tvs and everything on the planet for that very reason.
As the same Dr. (and yes, I know, he’s much hated but he does make a lot of sense in a lot of situations) says, the job of a parent is to equip a kid for living a good life. Which means learning that life will contain hurts and difficulties. What parents are supposed to do is not shelter a kid for 20 years and then send it out into the world where life will beat sense into it. Rather the parents are the ones who let the kid experience disappointments and sadness and then teach them how to persevere and come out on the other side whole and strong.
I know the kid’s just a wee tyke but if she’s not panicking and screaming and instead is just burbling away happily after she requests ‘up’, then I think your suspicion that she’s more saying it than requesting it is right. Make sure she has things to occupy herself with - independent play helps their little brains develop - and she’ll be fine.