you are correct why would i do what people i have never meet tell me what to do.
but positive enforcement always helps , and actually the negative responses are things i never would think about , so it opens my eyes a Little , it does help me …
i appreciate all the responses . really it has been eating me up inside and i needed to talk , contrary to belief this is helping me…
Maybe there’s a reason his screen name is Dr Doom?
If you feel like it, I am still curious about these questions.
And now I’m wondering does the other fellow hold out hope of building a traditional family unit (him, her, baby) with this woman? And she has not made him aware that she’s entertaining a future with you? Because if that’s the case, my opinion of her level of integrity and honesty, has diminished, and my advice would be for you to be very cautious. If she’s running a ‘white lie/fib/not telling all’ game, on the father of this child, that requires being truly duplicitous. Big red flag.
She came back because he booted her.
You are thinking with the wrong head.
You sound a bit depressed, yourself. Or something is wrong with you.
She hasn’t told the father yet??
Let me see…let’s try this:
6 months down the road"Oh, bigsteve, now that I told him he *does *want me, so, I’m divorcing you. I don’t love him, but he IS the father of my child."
2 years down the road: “Oh, bigsteve, I unknowingly loved you all this time, I was just confused. Let’s get remarried.”
3 years down the road: “You know, bigsteve, you asked me to get an abortion. That was when I realized that you were evil. I only married you were so desparate, but, you haven’t improved, so, I’m leaving you.”
Repeat as needed.
**Tripolar **laid it all out in post #4. I’m amazed that it took this long for the Dopers to straighten you out.
EVERYTHING you say about her displays all of the symptoms of the classic Unrealistic Romantic Soon-to-be-Cuckold Syndrome.
If you aren’t trolling, you had better drop her ASAP. But, you won’t.
Dump her and dump her fast for this reason alone. You will never be remotely as important to her as that baby. And if she spoils it, your life will descend to being a wallet that can mow the lawn. There are plenty of good women out there who aren’t baby rabid.
Run!
What happens if she finds she really enjoys motherhood, and a year from now she wants to have another child?
Oh, come ON, handsomeharry, ZPG Zealot, Crafter Man and Shark Sandwich, get real!
Who cares about what happens? This woman is gorgeous!
Wow you guys sound like a great match.
she told me that she has to see him one day and talk , she has been avoiding him so we will see , thanks to you guys i asked her just this morning if this is what she wants and she says yes, she has admitted that she is confused , what i am as wll but she has assured me that its me she wants …
yes i am alittle depressed thats why im on here so i can vent and talk , no he knows she is pregnant , i ask her every day if he txt her and she says yes , just to see how she is doing , and i agree if that was me i would be fighting to be in a relationship with her , but i have to wait and see where this is gonna go .
well she is 38 and we have discussed that it that she could have another, men can always have kids , its the woman that too old that they cant…thats a long way away right now , not even thinking past next month…one day at a time
I think the first clue is that he is seeking advice from an anonymous message board -
IOW - this is one of those times where teh “if you gotta ask, you already know” rules really comes into play.
You know, I’ve been here for 10 years, and the one thing I still haven’t figured out is:
- are Dopers really that bad at catching trolls? or,
- do Dopers just really like feeding the trolls?
things are just really messed up right now…im very confused and from what i hear from her so is she…there is no doubt though we love each other
IMHO You need to decide what you want and what you need, and let her know. Things like will you accept her and her child fully, or just her and leave the child to her and him? - if you have not let her know these things this would be a source of confusion in her, it is far better she knows you stance, which I think you still need to do some soul searching on.
I think you need to decide for yourself which examples above are acceptable to you going forward many years with her. Once you decide I feel you need to open up to her and let her know what would work for you, what would not work for you and try to get her to open up as to what she wants and also what is unacceptable to her.
It is way too easy when one wants a relationship to accept terms that are actually unacceptable to live by long term and that will be a source of division, resentment and conflict, and I feel it’s important to be able to discuss them to see where both of you want to go and is there agreement at the root level or disagreement.
Peace
So if she decides she wants another kid, do you figure she’ll use the same guy to impregnate her? I guess if she’s hot she could pick and choose. Maybe you should help her pick out the next guy - you will be raising his kid after all and maybe you won’t be so jealous if you are part of the decision making process.
Is the baby daddy smart or athletic?
Wait, I’m not following the reason for the one-year breakup. Was it entirely over whether or not to have kids?
(bigsteve1966, it might help a little if you typed out your full thoughts in standard English, with regular punctuation and stuff.)
Steve, Relationships are about two people and their wants and desires. She wants a baby more than she wants you. Nothing wrong with that. We all have things we really want and a relationship might not work out for that reason.
But she didn’t wait. She left you for another guy and got pregnant by him. She doesn’t care who she has a baby with, she just wants a baby. She’s back with you now, but we all see that there is one thing that’s important to her at this point in time. Hint: It ain’t you.
It’s obvious that you have been divorced for a while, want companionship, but don’t want kids. You offered to make her happy, but you really don’t want kids. And you definitely don’t want some other guy’s kid. There are other women in their mid 40’s who want companionship just like you. You will meet one of them sooner or later. Let’s this psycho torment someone else
I can’t tell you how many times in the last year I’ve heard of a 30-something manipulative woman jerking around a 40 or 50-something guy. Good grief, think with your BRAIN.
im 6 feet 220 lbs black man
im as jealous as hell , so that is a a flat NO…!
i cant do anything about this now…you want me to go kill him or beat him up …??
no its not his fault i hesitated and she told me for almost a yr that if i dont she would leave me …if i stay with her i will marry her and then for sure give her one